Hi,

I am a newbie. I was diagnosed with disthymic disorder 3-4 years ago but I really believe I have ptsd. I am glad that there are others who can relate to how I am feeling, it's important to know for so many reasons. I think I will find this forum very supportive. Again, thank you for your posts.

Welcome Gisele.

May I ask why you believe you have PTSD?

bec

Welcome, Gisele.

Thank you Marlene!

Hi Bec,

Sure you can ask, sorry if this is long, I don't know how else to explain it.

I was molested as a child. My family acts like I was too young to remember. I finally told my obgyn about 3-4 years ago. I got counseling per her advise, that counselor only saw me for 3 visits and said I knew what I was doing, I have a good head on my shoulders and that I have Disthymic disorder and she sent me away with prozac.
I am now taking bupropion very religiously (generic zyban or wellbutrin) to quit smoking cigarettes, this is also for my depression in place of the prozac. (I Quit smoking April 1.)

But even though I am on these medications, I still can't stop. I work extremely hard in a high volume call center, everyone that calls wants what they are calling for right away. I feel like I am being taken advantage of and I am only 1 person, I can only go so fast or do so much. I get extremely angry about things, anything could set me off, even if someone is trying to be nice. i.e. e-mail in all caps, or bolding, or just not responding etc. I constantly complain about things, especially to one of my co-workers who considers me a friend. I am always looking for approval. I try to tell myself to think positive, but that only works for so long, I always find the negative in everything. And most of the time I might say I like my job, or the grass isn't greener while complaining. I am like my own devil's advocate. Once I am home, I am lazy, I sit on the couch watching TV or I sit on the computer to pass time. I don't want to go anywhere because sometimes its too much work. I like being cozy in my own house. Also I smoke weed and I would rather do that then drink. About once a week my husband and I might visit the neaborhood bar. I love my at home life and I would go stir crazy not working, nor can we afford it.

In the past though, I wouldn't say most things that I say now to people for fear of sounding stupid. I was always looking for approval, I would always say I am sorry, and I still do this. I used to be a very shy, nice individual. Most importantly, I minded my own business and was not materialistic.

I call myself the bit_h at work. I fear moving on or moving up and I don't want to work harder for it. I fear getting into cars with anyone, I have to be in total control of driving. I realize what I am doing when I am doing it but even with the meds I can tell myself how to control my attitude but then once I get set off there is no control. And then I am embarrassed or I actually have a reason to apologize which is also embarrassing. Today was a very good day for me, I seemed happy. I tried not to let most things bother me. If I wasn't nice I immediately noticed and changed my tone. But I did slip up a few times. Yesterday I was very down and cried alot, but if you ask why I couldn't tell you. All of last week, I was really angry, no one wanted to get in my way. I know I have to go back to counseling, I am just procrastinating it. I keep thinking maybe I can control this too, one day at a time.

Talk to ya,
Gisele

Thanks Gisele.

I had read up on the Dysthmeic thingy (which I can't spell nor pronounce!) and was curious as to how you are, to what they said you had, to the difference with PTSD!

How's that for a mouthful!

Anyways, yes look for a therapist/counselor/psychiatrist that has experience with trauma and/or PTSD. That would be your best bet. Sounds like the previous counselor you seen wasn't really interested in much other than pushing drugs. Unfortunately there are a lot of them that do that.

As for your work environment, although I know this is rarely feasible, is there anyway you could look into switching jobs or getting a new one?

bec

Hi Gisele, welcome to the forum. I am with bec... I think your counsellor just shoved you out the door because it was all too hard for them.

hey, gisele, welcome to the forum

Thanks for the welcome everyone. I could look for a new job. And I do, but I then worry that it won't be any better. I also worry about preliminary employement tests. Although I do look, and one day maybe something will be interesting enough for me to bite the bullet, oh and I have to be qualified or degreed or something like that.