Explain what you mean by this?

so, what else do you see in my mental image thing?

In other words, your still dragging yourself under at present, coping, existing, though not necessarily progressing. This is normal, do not get worried, nor take it the wrong way, nor assume it means your not working hard on yourself, no implications. Our mind often wants to rest during the trauma and healing process, and its expected. Sometimes we need to rest in order to see what we must do to move forward. You will progress as you see fit, not before basically. Nobody controls you, except you.

What else do I see? I don't see anything, I merely interpret what you see, not what I see. Interpretation is pretty much enough for you to ponder for a while IMHO.

I see, you are right though I am just "existing" right now, makes me a bit sad. I don't seem to have the energy to do very much and I rest alot, but like you said that is somewhat normal. Hopefully I will come back to being my active self but right now I am just worn down all the time, this PTSD thing takes a toll on my body too. Anyway, thanks for your support.

So, I seemed to have come out of my self loathing period. I was totally screwed up about losing my job and feeling worthless and people would judge me, I was wrong. I found myself getting dressed like I was going to work everyday and on Tues. I actually drove to work, parked in the lot, waited a few minutes then left. When I got home I cried alot then took off my work clothes and said " monica, you are avoiding all of this and it is not doing you any good so face to facts and move on". That is what i did, I called and told a few friends and I went and spent the afternoon with my friend Shelley and helped her recover some chairs. I have been doing things for people all week, helping them clean their houses or fix their yards. I signed up for some charity work and I am looking for a new job. Moving forward again feels good.

Monica, very proud of you and extremely well done on your behalf. This is the exact thing you must do, being control yourself. Only you can make change for yourself, and you are acting on these thoughts.... well done.

so anthony, what does it feel like to be you, as someone who is living with PTSD but who has it under control? I am interested in what it feels like and what your thought process is for dealing with difficult issues, like getting divorced. Hopefully that isn't too personal, if it is just tell me to go take a flying leap.

Monica, I deal with difficult issues now looking at the issues, not simply making a black or white decision, running with it and leaving no scope for change. I step back nowadays, I look around at things, I look at what such a major decision could impact, how it will affect me, others, etc. I look at what I will feel by making such a large decision, and I manage that decision simply through talking it out with people that I care about, family, etc, and bounce things off them. I talk about issues here also, some in private with close friends, some public. I have already made the decision to get divorced, and here in Australia it is simply waiting 12 months after seperation in which you can get divorced. I have already dealt with the emotions surrounding seperation and divorce, and now for me its merely about signing the paperwork. If I hadn't dealt with it all at once, and if I hadn't already made the decision of divorce, then I would have left reconciliation open. The problem with that is, I don't love Kerrie-Ann anymore, so reconciliation would be fruitless and for all the wrong reasons.

I have PTSD, and I still have down days, though I recognise what is wrong, look at why I feel that way, what could cause it, all of which may take a minute or two, then I take action, ie. get exercise, get out of the house, go do some activity to get my mind active, even as simple as having a sleep for a couple of hours then forcing myself up and go for a walk. I do these things and come good pretty much straight away.

I manage my stress intake, its as simple as that, and that is what enables me to be healthy within myself. If I had to work, if I was still in my old relationship where conflict seemed to rule, then I would still ill because the stress would be too much for me. I make decisions in my life based on what is best for myself, though also considering others around me. I would not be in a destructive relationship nowadays, I would not make a major decision without already knowing and working through any consequences so that I don't ambush myself with stress.

Stress management, that is my life really. Doing this allows me to live life, enjoy my days, without illness, depression, anxiety, etc. If I expose myself to stressful situations or people that I am not prepared for, then I would get ill if I didn't remove myself immediately. Simple as that. Management is the key. That sometimes includes avoidance, which is not an effective strategy for most things, though sometimes simply must be employed in management.

If you where at constant conflict with a family member for instance, then you would likely end up ill each time. You either continue to expose yourself to that conflict and get ill, or you discuss with them that you cannot see them with conflict. If they do not appreciate your feelings, then they obviously don't care enough about you, so then avoidance may be a more effective strategy. Maybe moving to phone calls, where if conflict is risen, you can hangup and turn your phone off until such time as the person calms themselves to discuss with you, not yell at you. This is management.

It seems that I am beginning to do that, looking at the issue that is currently happening, and I can do that for awhile, but then I fall back into the "old stuff", living in the past crap or the past crap coming back up again. I tend to come full circle again with a couple of therapy sessions or talking it out here. I guess I wonder do you ever get the flashbacks and paranoia anymore and just have to acknowledge it and move on is it is totally not there at all.

Stress management is hard for me, I am a Mom first so I put everyone else in the families needs above mine. Actually going to therapy was a first step in taking care of myself. I am taking steps to do that although I probably could use a little push now and then.

No, I do not have flashbacks anymore, I have not had a nightmare for nearly a year now, though I still do get paranoia, though rationalize it each and every time. Example, I may be sitting talking with someone, then an overwhelming thought will be that I need to punch this person to death before they get me, paranoia. Whilst the thought is going through my head to attack, I automatically rationalize it by realizing where I am now, that I am no longer in a war zone, I have no reason to fear this person, and the list goes on.... all whilst still talking. The paranoia goes away usually before I finish the conversation with them. I keep using constant realization, grounding and realistic adoptions to every day life. I know that when I walk into a shopping centre, everyone is not out to get me, they are their to do the same thing as I am, go shopping, not get hurt or die. Rationalization to realism, that is what I use constantly. When I talk about people needing to become instinctive in the basics, this is what I am talking about, because the very basics are what you need to come rushing into your mind the moment a negative thought hits, instinctive reaction to a negative action.

I could not use this, and simply give in to my unrealistic thoughts, though I would be in jail, I wouldn't live a very fulfilling life at all. I manage my PTSD, which encompasses everything discussed here.