Hi

I am trying to find out how to find a mentor.

My name is Mark, my handle is that of one of my heroes. I am 45.

After many misdiagnosis I have finally been diagnosed with complex PTSD. This situation is derived from severe physical abuse from prior to the age of 3 yrs at the hands of my father, until my early teens. It addition, I have suffered numerous traumatic, life threatening events during life. Including, having to risk drowning to save the lives of two others stranded in a flooded river, having only nearly drowned 3 mths earlier. Risking being buried alive to save a man from a snow cave cave-in. Having nearly died twice. Losing my 19yr old live-in girlfriend to cancer when I was 21. Having had to watch my friend burn alive in a plane crash etc. etc. If I went through the full list you would be astounded that I am not completely out of my tree.

I am currently receiving pychiatric help, but I am realising that this will not cut it by itself. Because my family was and is so disfunctional I had to grow up really early and to be the adult in the family. Now I am just plain worn out, and am having trouble being the adult anymore. I have lost confidence in myself and my ability to make effective live choices. Despite the fact that I am very tallented.

My father isn't a bad man, and we have a good relationship now, but he is unable to fulfill a father-son relationship, it is still me that has to support him. It was me that helped him to deal with his own PTSD. He was a child in London during the blitz and when he was called up into the RAF as a navigator in bomber command he was highly traumatised, and was suffering from PTSD when I was born.

If it was up to me only I would chose to end my life today. I have no fear of death. I have faced it too many times, and am used to coping with physical danger and the proximaty of death. However, I have family who love and rely on me. So I somehow have to find the will to continue living for them, not matter how damn hard it is.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Many thanks for any suggestion that you may have.

Hi Mark and welcome to the forum.

I'm not surprised at all that you are not completely out of your tree. I always say my life reads like a bad fiction book! LOL. No longer being afraid of dying I think is a good thing (as long as you are not engaging in risk taking behaviors with the sub-conscious hope of dying), it's our lack of hope that's the issue. It sounds like yours is gone or hanging by a thread. I'm glad your hanging in there for your family. Sometimes we need other's hope and love to pull us through when we can not see it ourselves.

I think you will find many as mentors on here, if not the entire board itself. We all kind of just reach out and help each other here. This is truly the only place I've ever found deep, sincere understanding. I hope you feel the same way.

I copied the following from the other thread of a new member. It's 4 am here and there is only so much sensible typing I can do at this hour! Hehe.. hopefully you find it helpful as a start.

There is one way through it and that is facing, processing, feeling and dealing with our trauma head on. It's not an easy process by any means nor a short one. After that we learn how to manage our PTSD.

Some of us choose to use medications while dealing with the trauma and some don't. Therapy is highly recommended. Seeking out therapists with experience with trauma victims and PTSD even more so.

Anyways have a look around, check out the information and trauma forum. You will find lot's of information to learn how to cope and manage and get an idea of how to begin healing.

bec

Hi Mark, Welcome to the forum. I am new here too. I am learning new ways to deal with the stresses and symptoms of PTSD.

If you take the time to look around and read, you will find many people here that understand what you are feeling. I hope you find friendship, answers, and hope here. I did.

Again, welcome.
Eve

Welcome Mark I have asked many questions since joining here and have had a great experience thus far. I found out that I am not alone in the way I think and my experiences and that has helped me tremendously. Don't lose hope.

hello Mark, welcome (I'm new here too). My story sounds just like the cliffs notes to some bad tv movie. I know it may sound corny but, what gets me through each and every day is my son. I have days when I don't feel like I can go on but, I want my son to have a good life (something I didn't have) so, I do everything I can to keep on going. I am seeing a psychiatrist & a PTSD counselor who have been really supportive & I think they help. Now when I feel bad, I'm learning to reach out (something iI didn't do for years) instead of being self-destructive. I also started going to church (I'm new to that too so please don't think I'm here to preach lol) and I cried for an hour just because the pastor said I was loved. How silly is that? But, my main point is (sorry, got off the subject) is that You are Not Alone, you just have to reach out like you did here. Like all of these people have. So, welcome again.

Welcome to the forum Mark. Join in ! You're certainly not alone here. Read, learn, chat, discuss, rant or rave, it can all be done here.

Hope

Hi Mark, welcome to the forum. What bec said....

Hi Mark I have found that my corner was turned one day when watching TV. I had just come down from from an outburst complete with panic attack and the waves of an emotional flashback. The news was on, and there had been a tornado in the south. Half the people were experienceing the greif of there losses with the woa is me's as victims. I then noticed the other half were going around picking up the pieces and talking about starting life over as survivors. I decided that day that I wanted to be a survivor. I still am quite symtommatic but the day I decided I wanted to be a survivor my life chnged forever. I can still have my night terrors, outbursts and all the other little pleasantries. When it is the darkest I grab the fact that I am a survivor and hold on real tight!

Welcome to the forum Tom...