He replied. Just a short note but he said it was good to hear from me, he just did not know what to say. He also asked about his baby sister which is another painful subject (I allowed my three youngest girls to be adopted by their foster family in MI). If I thought the first message was hard... but I made it through it and am waiting on a reply.

I did not give him all of the details. Just explained that it was a serious DV situation and that he could ask questions if he wanted. That I would not lie to him. Felt like if it came all at once it would be too much.

I said that I was sorry I was not strong enough to be the mom he and his sister's deserved. That I hoped that one day he could forgive me.

I also asked him to relay a message to his dad. That I had stopped being angry a long time ago. That we were stupid kids who made stupid mistakes. That he gave him the opportunity to be a real boy, to have a real family and that I was grateful that Jon's eyes never saw....

And I asked that he tell his "Mom" that I said thank you.

I did ask some basic questions such as how are you, how's dad etc... and I asked him to send a picture.

That's great news Jet. I'm very pleased he replied.

I don't think that the english language has words to express what it felt like when I saw his words on the screen. In any language what so ever.

At the same time I am feeling rather wrecked at the moment. I have no idea why it did not occur to me that this would trigger me really bad. I guess all I saw was my son. I have told my story so many times...it was like it wasn't even mine anymore (just a story...like something on Lifetime). But talking to Jonathan makes it real.

Jet

I am so happy for you that words cannot express the depth. I do have to admit a bit of jealously though. Wish I could hear from my kid. But this is not about me. Congrats-----what you did took a lot of guts, so allow yourself a small break down. Go, have your LITTLE break and then relish in the joy You do deserve it HERC

wow, I followed your story & it touched my heart. I wish you & your son the best of luck in mending your relationship. I'm glad you put it on the line & reached out to him & I'm so happy he responded! Take care & good luck for the future...

thank you so much for all of the support. I am so excited...I feel so blessed. I thought that I had lost him forever...that maybe I would never have the chance to know him again.

Herc, I completely understand the jealousy thing. For years I have found it difficult to look at other people's families and not feel a bit of that. And I still do...I have 3 little girls out there who I can't contact for at least another 5years. It hurts to be seperated from your babies - whether they are 7 or 37.
Really, you make me feel doubly blessed - how easy it would have been for him to turn me down.

You know, I believe that people are sent to us for a reason (call it God, the Universe, fate...whatever you choose). And that is sort of how I feel about Jon. I have been looking for him and his dad for a while now (my best friend and I even did a couple of paid searches) and little turned up.

But about a month or so ago I was feeling depressed (lost 2 jobs and had 2 kids B-day's). I was talking to a neighbor and I asked what I was doing it all for.... why did I continue the fight, why did I get up and deal with the world everyday. I mean there were things in life that I enjoy and I could see having a happy life but I couldn't see it meaning much. I had this huge hole inside that just wouldn't heal. Now I have my answer.

We have messaged back and forth a few times now. He also sent me pictures. My beautiful, beautiful boy...

Has told me a bit about his life...his music and his girlfriend. I am still amazed that this 18 year old boy has such a wonderful heart.

Well I'm late coming into this thread but I am really happy for you Jet. That's such great news that he is open to communicating with you, it must make you feel so good.

Thanx. I am completely over the moon. I still sort of feel like I am in a state of shock. But it is getting better. I just can't quite believe that after all these years it is really him I am talking to.

It is all wonderful. You are doing great and I am so happy he is being receptive.