You can cry yourself to sleep, but when you wake up the past will be still staring you in the face. If I made 10c every time some one told me to just forget what happened i. would have a life savings? But the hard thing is I don’t remember it, its just there in the back of my mind, making me who I am.

My entire child hood I knew I was different, no matter how hard I tried to fit in I was pushed aside, well that’s how it felt. Now I know different. I was the one pushing away.

I know only bits of pieces of what happened and those bits put together explain a few Behaviour problems I have. When I was 3 my mother was almost killed by my dad, she was stabbed and bashed. Being only 3 I don’t remember much which confuses me while it has affected me so much. From about five the strange behaviours began ranging from obsessive compulsive behaviour to violent behaviour. It took them about 7 years before they diagnosed my with PTSD but before that the doctors diagnosed me with ADHD and put me on Ritalin which seemed to make things worse causing me to hallucinate and begin to scream and cry for no reason. Bluntly I was high with depression and anxiety I hate the people who put me on it and one day I’m going to sue them.

I’m 18 and doing pretty well. But I still have nightmares about what happened such as people hurting my mum and the worst of them all is dreams of me hurting her, I spoke to my councillor about those dreams and she told me its was common to have dreams and/or anxiety attacks thinking I’ve hurt some one. Does any one else have these?

One more thing does any one have trouble fitting in because people find you weird when in your mind you seem normal? But I do have a few friends and I cherish them but do you feel you become a different person and they don’t know you have a lot of emotional problems and feel your leaving a lie?