Well, I feel for ya, Anthony, because, yes, the children will always connect you.
I learned via my mother, very early on, the game of jealousy. Thank goodness I am allergic. But she showed me through her relationships, that she will never really know what love is. Games are going to be played in one aspect of life or another, this is a fact.
Some are born to forever drown themselves, and never "get it".
You seem to still get really bothered by her words, but as long as you know the facts about yourself, nothing should hit you and stick, just fall off like a leaf falling off a tree.
I had a neighbor wanting me to tell her what to say to someone she wants to break up with. She was trying to find words that made sense, but were wrong to the situation.
No one is wrong for a failure, it was faith that got you to enter it, but reality that made you see clearly. Some chemistries are just a wicked brew, as you very well know now. It's an endless cycle of live and learn. As we change so too will others toward us. What we will and won't allow in our lives.
You are growing and looking for merit that you have made right decisions, to my way of thinking you see it very clearly and realistically.
And as far as not rubbing her face in it, I completely understand that. That was a very respectful thing to consider.
Regardless of who it is, try not to let someone else have any negative reign on your life. Having ptsd is hard enough, and many will never get out of their hell, because once they are on the top rung of rescue, they jump from fear of the unknown, or scared of any type of change.
You are facing yours. Its a very brave thing to do.
My mom used to berate me, in my tender years, when I learned I had to change my way of reacting. I used her way, which was screaming. It never got anywhere, I and was left totally frustrated.
Finally I spoke with calm words, and said when she wished to speak to me, and could do it like an adult, I will listen. (Boy, did that initally start sparks of, I think I'm so perfect, etc. etc. etc.) But the more I walked away from the screeching, the more she had to view herself and make changes to get a word in.
With much time spent on this, she had to change, and I stopped being the door mat.
She is the main reason for me having ptsd, although queen of denile wants to be vindicated and blame everyone else. The fact was she was my legal guardian, and didn't care what cheap way of living my brother and I went thru, as long as we were not a burden to her.
I feel for anyone who has to go through this, but in order for it to change, we must change the way we react, every action, has a reaction.
If we can change a reaction to something negative, instead of the ones we have come to know thus far, it changes the way others behave toward us.
I demand respect because I am not the enemy, and won't be treated like the enemy.
I wish I could help more, again, you have your children to consider. And no matter what, it is those children that need to know from example on behavior. You can only control your side of it. Children are very quick to note positive reinforcment.
Hope something in there helps, think of your accomplishments thus far.

Something i was told recently that I feel applies to jealousy,and revenge as well......
Resentment is swallowing poison, wishing the other person dies.

You are only going to hurt yourself.
As to the game playing...
It would be a very lucky person who has never experienced this, and perhaps that is what makes it seem so abbhorent. When you can finally recognise it for what it is, and know that it will only affect you as a person if you let it, and as War suggested, it is "game over".

As to the game player...
And lets face it, after honing game playing skills on a person living with PTSD, they would feel like it would only be a matter of time before you 'cracked' and gave them back the control they are not only used to, but have but have been accustomed to having. Of course they will try and try again!
Letting go of control is scary, and fear is sometimes the biggest motivator of all. Who are they really without you and your PTSD? Sometimes it is the hardest question of all....Standing here on my own, Who am I really?

As to protecting yourself, and not becoming a game player yourself.....
Ultimately I comes down to how well you know yourself, and whether you can face the unknown and stand tall knowing you have the skills to live life independantly.
Just my thoughts....
xxxxxxxxx

Anthony,

Don't know if I've ever played head games but my X most definately played them with me. He acted like he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He left me and went to live with one of my college buddies. He would come back to the house frequently to see if I'd have sex with him. Most of the time he would not take no for an answer. He told me he'd attend marriage counseling but that he did not think it would do any good. He was always acting like he wanted me back then if he got what he wanted he would say he was not in love with me anymore. I guess that was a guy playing head games.

Well I'm glad I do not tolerate head games, life is to short, the one thing I promised myself when I was little was one day I would be big, and when I get big, I won't let anyone screw with me. Well at fifteen I was big. I may have taken it way to far, because I finally fell in love at 32, short lived but worth the feeling, not the memories of the guy, but I won't tolerate head games.
Now that I am big, and 44, I just may be falling in love for the second time. This one was worth the wait. Big time.

I recently broke-up with a man I moved into my house after a few weeks of really hitting it off. He had really needed a place to live, so I told him we'd try it for awhile and he could always get a place of his own.

I also made it clear to him what I wanted and needed in a relationship. I went through the list, which included 'financially stable' and 'able to provide, if needed.' I was having a very difficult time working. I'm a biologist and want desparately to move forward in my career, but keep running up against a-hole bosses who mistreat me.

I'd also just started therapy and told him right up front what I was working on and that I'd had an attempt only months previously.

Anyway, Long story short, after two years of me being the only one working, plus taking care of him through 6 months of chemo and him promising me I now had a 'family.' I finally was being triggered so much because my cop father never worked, I told him that's what was happening and when my raging couldn't be contained, no matter how hard I tried, I'd call him a 'Mamma's boy, and claim that he had no committment to me like I had to him" We were living in a tiny one room cabin. He's spend all day pondering and perhaps do the laundry, while I worked with an a-hole all day.........totally reigniting my symptoms.

Anyway, he's gone now, but is the only person who can testify at my SSD hearing. He said he's too busy and would 'send an affidavit.' Also, he's telling his whole family what a b*ch I am and what I 'put him through.' He is so co-dependent with his mother. She sent him 12 grand and he spent the whole thing.

This happens to me over and over. I pick men like my Father. I've wasted 42 years doing this and the stress has damaged me physically and the ptsd is getting more worse. Without my T, I'd have blamed the whole thing on me again.
I'm so disappointed in how cruel people who use the word 'love' can be. He told me to "go to hell the other night when I pointed out how full of selfishness he is." I had an attempt because in the middle of a flashback, he screamed at me "I'm so sick of your self pity." I nearly died.

Anyway, Anthony.....women can be hurting badly, and the truth, I want to call him back, write e-mails to his mom, etc. etc. in an attempt to undo a wrong that almost killed me.

But this doesn't justify what you X is doing with your kids. I've been through this crap over and over and may call and try to make the person miserable for a few weeks, but it's just because the pain is so overwhelming. But never would I ever involve children.
When she calls, whatever she says, just say "I know it hurts and I'm sorry you hurt." Then hang up. Perhaps that's all she needs to hear and the chaos may end.

Break ups are crushing from both sides. As I reflect on my own and others there frequently seems to be one half of the equation totally focused on meeting their own needs above anyone else involved in the situation. Of course this leads to others being side swiped by their actions.

Anthony,
I feel for you. Game playing does in the end affect the children. Hopefully, "the you won't see your kids doesn't come out to play". It takes much time and money to fight this battle in court. Money that could have been spent on the child wheather it be fun things to do, toys to play with or clothes to wear. My step-son developed nervous tics from the game playing. my ex did not want to pay child support and knew I loved his son. So we fought years of custody battles and finally won. Within the next year my ex was sleeping around, not coming home and thinking I have our daughter to raise and now his son.

I decided to play "She Devil" (a movie) that I saw. Everytime, I needed to go somewhere I would call his girlfriend or him up and tell them they had to come home to watch the kids. Of course, they acted up due to their family breaking up. I told the girlfriend that my husband comes with a package deal. You want him you have responsibilites of the children as well. Needless to say, she didn't last long. It interferred with her bar time.

I enjoyed Jets first comment to you, I thought it was a mature observation. I enjoyed DLJWhitewolf's first comment it was a good setup to find out. If the marrage is not working out it is only right for the unhappy mate to be honest without sneaking around making sure the relationship might work out before they tell you "by the way, I want a divorce". We have every right to know what's going on so we can set or minds to the changes we need to make. It is not fair to not allow the other to know it's over and be able to have time for deciding what way their future is going to take them instead of being the last to know. Not saying Anthony that was in your case. I didn't work before so had to figure out how I was going to support my daughter and get a decent place to live. His girlfriend when I was moving out was already moving her things in. When I came back to get more items she had the nerve to tell me to knock first. I told her until I remove all my items it is still my house.

I wish you well and your kids emotional health.

sunnydaze

anthony,
i have been out of the dating circle for years since i married my wife in '97. however, i can state that i've seen others go through similar situations as yourself. and even though i'm not a psychiatrist by any means, domination, manipulation and control are all factors of a sociopathic personality. be careful as to the extent that you allow this person to play games, if you can at all help it. it can be very dangerous and destructive behavior. and with children involved, things can get messy real quick as you've all ready previously noted. i have a quote that i live by. "you guard your own house. you guard your own yard. when trouble comes knocking at your door, you squash it like a cockroach before it starts to breed." good luck paison.