Today I went to a Zoo by me with my in-laws and my 3 girls, twins 3 years old and my 15 month old baby. I can't really go anywhere unless someone goes with me and the girls, so the girls and I were really excited and happy about getting to the Zoo. When we were there, my father in law had to leave us briefly, but it seemed ok. I noticed a man standing across the path from my 3 year old daughter, who was playing in the sand pit. Because of the way she was positioned, a small portion of her "butt crack" was visible. When I saw this, my initial reaction was, maybe I should put sunscreen on it. I was pondering this when I heard the distinct sound of a cell phone picture click. As my head swung around to the sound, there was the same man, with his feet spread wide so he was closer to the ground, cell phone camera pointed at my daughter's rear. My first feeling was confusion and disbelief. And then the feeling of helplessness, disgust and wanting to flee. I scooped her up and immediately brought her to where her 15 month old sister sat in her stroller. The f***ing pervert was so excited, looking at his new picture, that he didn't notice that I was on to him. By the time my in-laws were helping me with my 3 girls and we had notified security, the freak had left the zoo. I am trying so hard not to beat myself up for the way I reacted and not to imagine what is happening to my daughter's picture, but I am having a really tough time with it. I feel like my PTSD was a part of my freezing and not just running over to the sick f*** and grabbing his phone. I am so upset that this happend because I am trying so hard not to be paranoid of everyone and I was doing ok in the crowded space and everything and now this. I am having such violent fantasies and I don't want to go to sleep.

Miander,

I had a similar experience with my daughter. My husband took my out canoeing for my birthday and he arranged for his 16 yr old nephew to watch our girls (6 and 2 at the time). When I got home, my then six year old told me that her cousin had tried to talk her into taking her clothes off and getting into bed with him. Fortunately we had taught her about 'bad touches' and telling us if someone tried to or did touch her.

Even though nothing happened that day, the guilt and anger ate me up inside. I only trusted a few people around my kids and I really understand the violent fantasies. My anger and rage got so bad that I put myself into therapy to try and figure out why. I didn't realize it until recently that my reaction was connected to my PTSD from being molested when I was a child. It was 13 years ago this happened and I was diagnosed last year.

You say you froze and didn't do anything. But you got your daughter out of harm's way and protected her from this person. I know you wanted to protect her and get this bastard. But you did what was most important first...you got your child to safety. You can give the zoo a description of this guy and they can keep an eye on this area. If this person (or another one) comes back and does the same thing, then they can get him.

Please don't beat yourself up. I know the guilt of something happening that involved your child can be overwhelming. Believe me, I know. But beating yourself up doesn't help with dealing with what happened. Things happen outside of our control and we do the best we can at that moment.

Lisa

OMG I can see why you're upset Miander. That is just so creepy. To be honest I would have wanted to smash the guy's face with his phone. What a disgusting bastard. I hate pedophiles... But Marlene is right, you did the right thing, you protected your child and maybe because you noticed him, this pervert will get caught soon now. Here's hoping.

Miander, Marlene is correct, you did the one thing you could, remove your child from the danger. And Marlene, kudos for teaching your children well, a blessing to see it worked.
We will never get over our own injustice, but even if it is smashing dishes, or punching a heavy weight bag, you need to get your anger out so it does not freeze you and torture you more.
My brother and I were the victims and stars of child porn. Also a very expensive b rated satanic snuff film, medication snuffed us, and brought us back. The local police were the guards to make sure no one interfered. It was solely and only for greed of money, and not one person came forward to scoop us up and take us to safety. That is the only part that haunts me the most.
Your daughter had you to do that scooping up, Marlenes words to her children were the scoop.
We will never be a world of tolerance and sanity, just look at history, the Greeks and Romans put men in pits for their circus to see men mauled to death.
We can only protect our own worlds.
I only wish I had a brave mother like you two, I see loving, nurturing humans, and in that you have given me a bandaid. Thanks.

Man oh man am I screwed up today. I couldn't sleep last night, apparently I did because my husband said I was criing in my sleep...I am neasous to the point of throwing up, criing out of the blue, shakes, anxiety through the roof - it's like full blown PTSD all over again. Thank you Marlene, batgirl and ww for your replies. Right now, they are the support and kindness that are getting me through so I can be here for my girls, and not on the hunt.

Miander, have you ever been prescribed med.s to help you when you are in this state of mind?
I was always afraid that med.s would control me, and I wasn't going to have anyone or anything control me ever again. I did try them, but found what I was given didn't help. But have since realized sometimes I need more then my own protection.
There is a medication Propranolol, which is a beta-blocker, and usually is used for the likes of high blood pressure and such, but they found it is also good for some with ptsd. With me it lowers my adrenalin flow, like a mild tranquilier. I also take xanax when I am in a high state of agitation. And also take a anti-depressant, lexapro, which is also an anti anxiety medication, because I have anniversaries through out the year that can elevate my flashbacks, or cause deep depressions.
No medication will make them go away, just easier to cope with.
I have been where you are right now, and know it is no picnic.
If you ever get to the point right now, where you just can't cope, go to the e.r. hun, if you can't get to a doctor in time. What you are going through is just as serious as any physical ailment. You need assistance with your anxiety.

Miander, you did the right thing by your daughter but, I'm sorry you're in full PTSD mode right now! :(

I know you probably don't want to hear this but, I can sympathize. When my little sister was 3, she told me her grandfather touched her with his fingers "down there" & there was blood in her urine. I'll never know exactly what happened & she doesn't remember but, since he molested me as well as my mother when we were children, I assumed he was at it again & took him to court to protect my sister. I still get nauseous thinking about how SICK these perverted monsters are hurting these tiny, innocent children!

So, I totally understand what you're going through & I hope you realize you did all you could do & you protected your child which is so amazing because not everyone does!

I am so sorry...

9lives - thank you for sharing your story with me and the horrible abuse you and the women in your family endured, your encouraging words are especially powerful for me. Each day is getting better.

I remember sitting in IOP(Intensive Outpatient Therapy), there was a woman who was tightly wound, speaking like I do (a whole lot at once and not able to keep on one topic), and she let slip that her husband was actively molesting her 2 sons. Then she told the group they were divorced, he had custody, and she promised not to tell If he promised not to do it anymore. Then she couldn't understand why 4 members of the group started lashing out at her. It got really ugly.
I read your post a couple of days ago and felt for you, and I want to tell you I admire your strength to be able to save your child.

God Bless!
Tiana