Does PTSD Affect Your Parent / Child Relationship?

Miander · #1 28-06-2007, 10:02 AM

I am the mother of three and I worry constantly that I have a short fuse with them or sometimes shut them out. I was just wondering anyone else is having this problem or similar.

Marlene · #2 28-06-2007, 11:10 AM

I used to worry a lot about it and tried to hide a lot of what I was going through from my girls. A friend told me that for them to see me going through rough times and struggling my way through and not giving up was a good thing for them to see. And live through with me. That it would teach them that hard/tough times aren't the end of the world, can be gotten through with persistence and life does go on after the worst. When I've felt like I may be causing them too many problems by having a parent with PTSD, I remember this.

Hope it helps.
Lisa

veiled · #3 28-06-2007, 08:23 PM

All I can do is echo what Lisa said pretty much. My kids are pretty well adjusted for the most part. I have one of my teens who is hell on wheels but I doubt my PTSD had a thing to do with it. If anything I am too involved and care for them while other parents let their 5 year olds roam the neighborhood.

I have a short fuse in some areas but when it comes to my kids I never want them to feel what I did so I am pretty choosy about what I say and try real hard not to just react, but step back and explain. When I sit back and talk I normally have more tears from my kids than any parent yelling. Not saying I don't yell at times... Sometimes when one has a bloody nose and another is a headlock you yell, but that is rare. I try to remember kids are kids. Even if bigger than me.

becvan · #4 29-06-2007, 08:20 AM

I'm not choosing any of them.

Why? Because I KNOW that my ptsd affects my children, my family, my freinds and anyone who has contact with me and all relationship aspects.

Knowing that it does affect them, means that I strive to minimize the negative affects and maximize the positive.

So I don't quite fit in this poll.

bec

Jim · #5 02-07-2007, 10:14 PM

Well done Bec, most heartily agree with your answer. Don't have PTSD. However. Can not ignore the fact that my alcoholism, my strong military background, my upbringing and so on, do not affect my children. Even when healed, PTSD is with you always, thus as you say, effects every aspect of your life, the choices you make.

Miander, all good parents fret over how they relate to their children, PTSD notwithstanding. With PTSD you will have extra worries no doubt. More tendency to self-blame. However. It is normal and healthy to be concerned about how you treat your children, to question yourself. Were you never concerned, complacent about your abilities, you would be a bad parent in my opinion. Would show you were not putting the interests of your children before your own, not constantly aware and growing. Parenthood is a journey. My oldest child is 35 and I am still learning. Good on you for thinking of your kids first. That is positive.

Jim.

anthony · #6 04-07-2007, 06:15 PM

Mine has progressively changed during my journey to knowing how to handle this beast a whole lot better, though I must say I have been through the entire range above, except the "never" aspect, as it always has some impact, more rare than anything, but "never" is not possible IMHO. I started at constant when uncontrolled, and can safely say that I have noticed how my attitude changed to my children and partners as I have progressed.

I guess the real issue though, is the pain still lingers in some aspects, more than maybe should be present, but its still present to a degree.

nor · #7 22-09-2007, 07:20 AM

Wow-I can unfortunately look at that question in more than one way.

The one that frightens me the most, is that I have a "fear and flight" mechanism that is extremely easy to trigger, when interacting with men.

The relationship I have with my husband is one of fear. Some of his interactions remind me of my childhood abuser. I am not affectionate with him, and it bothers him greatly.

I am affectionate with my son (hugs and kisses), but I am truly afraid of the day when my "fear and flight" kicks in with him too. Maybe it won't, but it is a thought in the back of my mind when disciplining him for his behavior or whatever reason. I am afraid that I will not be able to give him the neccesary affection every mom should give her son. It is a daily concern of mine.

So, does it affect our relationship. I would have to vote yes.

nor

Seeking_Nirvana · #8 26-09-2007, 02:50 PM

Nor, that happened when my son turned 11. I couldn't hug or kiss him anymore and this bothers me so bad. I've tried to hug him once I realized this happened about 4 years to late, and it is very uncomfortable for me. He is 18 and looks like his father. I wish I could hug him and try to make an effort, but he doesn't seem to like it/or want it now.
I don't like anyone hugging or touching me except my husband and daughter.

I guess the advise I would give is don't stop hugging him ever, because he will wonder why. But may not ask why.

My son didn't ask, and he thought I didn't love him anymore.

I think the last sentense speaks for itself about hugging your son. Good luck!

Tammy

Grama-Herc · #9 01-01-2008, 03:51 AM

While I voted constantly, that really does not fit me either. My child was raised by a mom with undiagnosed PTSD. Need I say more?

Nam · #10 04-01-2008, 03:33 PM

I do believe that my PTSD makes me lose my temper easier... and also less patient with them. I have the hardest time with my oldest when she's got it so good...and she complains or throws fits about the most trivial things.

Now...I don't know if this fits...but I do treat my girls differently, especially as they are small girls. I do NOT like them running around naked or playing doctor at a friend's house. I'm extra paranoid at who is with them, especially young men, pubescent boys. I'm not sure if it's the PTSD, but more having to do with my trauma. Does that make any sense?