Good Morning, everyone. I have a problem which may or may not have something to do with my ptsd (i'm not sure), but regardless, i need a little help.
I am dating this girl that i will refer to as S. She is wonderful! When i'm with her, i feel so happy and safe. But on the flip side, when she's not around, i become a mental and emotional mess; i become a train wreck!! It's almost as if i'm afraid that if i'm not with her, something bad will happen to either her or our relationship. Maybe because of my wife's death, i am scared that i will lose someone else on MY watch. S is the first woman that i have had these feelings for since my wife passed away, and I am SO SCARED!! I sit here, and my mind just races; i miss S, I obsess about her, and i want to call her every 5 minutes to make sure she/we are o.k. BUT, i don't call her because i don't want to smother her with MY worrying!! I can't SLEEP RIGHT; I can't EAT; MY ANXIETY and panic are creeping in and starting to destroy the peace of mind that i have created and maintained for myself over the last few months! What do i do?!
Can anyone give me any advice on this issue? Because i want to go back to feeling calm!! The only time i am calm now is when i am physically with her, but i obviously can't be with her 24 hours/7 days a week.
Please help...

Thanks,
God Bless,
Josh

Josh, it may be part of the PTSD, it is pretty normal for it. All you can do is force yourself not to call every 5 minutes. I used to call my husband exactly when he should be at work. Had to know he made it, called him throughout the day, and insisted he called me when he left and was nuts if he was 15 minutes late and would call to find out if he was OK. Still not sure why he did not kill me for hovering.

Our cure... Doctor bills and such were high enough to have our cell phones turned off!

I also had to come to the understanding that bad things do not happen to everybody all the time. I mean the chances are really low.

You have found someone you care about and I think a little worry is normal (wait until kids come along then it is down right nuts) but you will have to accept living every waking moment is flat torturing yourself, and you want to be happy! Also, you are right you don't want to smother her. Good luck. I would try to be more helpful but my mind is a bit scattered lately.

The normal part is a little worry, the PTSD part is the extreme response you get from your concern, which creates more concern, more symptoms, more worry, and so the cycle revolves for you. PTSD is lovely at making a very small issue into an issue of perpetual motion, so to speak.


Josh, does she know you have PTSD? If so, does she understand what that means?

Next thing is why you worry so much. Does it have anything to do with your past marriage? Absolutely... because of the way in which your past loss occured, has definately affected you now. If a person cheated on their partner for example, the next relationship for that person, they would be looking deeper, be less trusting, be checking up on the person more, etc etc etc... Why? Because of their past experience!

Is it right to do? Well, that is debatable no doubt, however; if the other person knows your insecurities, and they agree to help you work on them so that your own self worth, trust and mind is at ease, then that is the desired goal I believe. If you don't discuss it, they could see you as extremely dependent upon them, needie, demanding, non-trusting, etc. All this is enough to loose a person, not keep them. You must discuss your past experience, you must discuss what you feel, and allow the other to help you.

Help could be: acceptable to send an SMS x amount of times per day to check in, or inform you on what they are doing, then to be cut back to more reasonable levels over x time. Phone calls x times a day, just to say hi, love you, etc... keep it reasonable. Basically... talk with your partner.

thanks, guys... the advice is really helpful!! to answer anthony's question; she knows i have bi-polar disorder, but she doesn't know that i have ptsd. i don't want to come off as being not able to handle a relationship with her. i've been kind of hiding my ptsd in a way.
i've been feeling better as S and i spend more and more time apart... for example, i haven't seen her in 4 days, but have plans to make her dinner tonight. i am not as much of a wreck as i was before... i guess i'm getting used to being away from her.

Thanks, everyone...
God Bless,
Josh