Welcome Riger, I am sure you have found the right place to assist you with your healing and also what a wonderful support system here, its surreal.

I too want to Thank You for all you have given to provide safety and security to all. Godspeed in Recovery.

Theresa

Thank you.

Hi Riger, welcome to the forum. Mate, you should be proud of what you have done, as I am a veteran also, only 35 years old, and served in many countries and operations, all of which was obviously my cause of PTSD. Riger, you can heal, you can learn how to manage it, you can get back into life again... you simply have to really want it. Good start simply being here... and well done. Healing our trauma is the hard part because it is the very thing that we ignore, hence why we have PTSD; because it contains so much pain, torment, lack of understanding and so forth. Healing trauma makes us very sick, though you will come out of it, and then managing PTSD is much less painful, though does take a couple of years of shear experience, trial and error uniquely to grasp, though you will then be able to get back into life and atleast enjoy a life that you manage from the majority of stressors.

Your in the right place to get started.

I am still on Post at the moment. They have done a MEB on me, and it came back that I will be retired, with a rating of 30%. So now I am waiting on orders to get released. To me everything is a stressor; seeing the Uniform, seeing a new private w/o a combat patch, or a high ranking officer w/o a combat patch... hearing the artillery rounds, the thunder from the storms we have been having...it just pushes my anger button automatically. I am currently on Remeron, Propanolol, Prozac and Depakote. I can't remember when I had a good nights sleep. I dread going to sleep at night, cause it's like I enter another world and then get sent back in Iraq- fighting all over over again. I don't like to go outside my own house cause I am constantly looking around, trying to watch everything that is going on, looking for something that would harm me and my family. I haven't driven a car since I've been back either... everything moves too damn fast for me, and chunks of rock on the side of the road or trash on the side of the road- scares the hell out of me. I can't let it go, which the Doc said is the hardest task that I must accomplish.

Hi Riger....

I can't even imagine the hell that you guys have been through in combat. The things you have seen, and have had to do. Myheart goes out to all of you....

Triggers are triggers. Weather they are combat related or not. You still need to deal with them. Just remember that the emotions you are feeling are just that............. emotions, and they are from a previous trauma. They can't hurt you. You are in the here and now. When your anxiety level gets going.....Try and keep youself gounded. Keeping grounded will help to hold your anxiety level from getting to overwhelming.

I stayed grounded doing things... Touching things, feeling how they feel in my hands. I used to carry snadlewood with me, because it has a strong smell. Smelling it will bring the senses into the here and now. Repeating to myself over and over that these are just emotions from a previous trauma. They can't hurt me, I am in the here and now...I am safe.

I know it will be hard, but just take the first step, and after that it will be a little easier.

Your doing a great job already just opening up here....

Wendy

Thank you. It is really hard for me to write here, but I force myself. You all's positive feedback is helping me. And for that I do thank you.

Riger,

You'r' welcome...But as far as I am concerned you never have to say Thank You to me. I am your equal, I am your sister, bound by this beast called PTSD. We are here for each other.

Besides I owe you for what you have done for our country.....

So again, I say Thank You..

Stay safe, stay grounded....

Wendy

Riger, something that is going to actually help you recover, is your military training. Some of your training is actually the reason to your heightened symptoms. The way in which you have been trained though, through repetitive learning to become instinctive at certain actions, is the exact same method in which you can retrain your brain with a more positive influence to how you approach life from now forward. The PTSD learning center contains some shows I have put together in order to aid your learning process, and show you that not everything is PTSD from your military career, and some of your PTSD is actually your military training.

Yes, me and my wife were looking at that earlier. I do thank you for putting that together. Seeing that I am getting out permanently here within the next month or so, I am referring my mother and brothers and sister to the site to get more of a feel for it, since I don't know how to explain it to them.

I know I haven't written in a day or two but we've been terribly busy clearing post and all. It is very frustrating. Here is a log from my personal journal yesterday.
July 25th 07 Today is not going good at all. We got the kids up this morning and they were cranky, but we had to get moving to go to a mandatory brief so we can leave here. So we get to the brief and sit there for 20min's while waiting on this guy to show. The kids were really cranky...and my nerves were already on end. So the civillian guy comes in and tells us (IN front of everyone!) that we can not attend the brief, because I am not in the "Duty Uniform". Hello!!! I have ****ing PTSD you asshole!! The Uniform is one of my triggers!!! That sent me off. I started shaking really bad...and just wanted to beat the piss out of this fat piece of shit civilian, with hippie hair... and him barking orders at me like I am some stupid ****! Regardless some words were exchanged as me and Kiesh and the kids were leaving.... The kids were really fussing... my head was splitting, and I was trying to think about the kids and Kiesh to prevent me from doing something stupid.
Everywhere I go to check-out, there are alot of ****ing people, large crowds, and it is driving me nuts- I feel like I am on the edge. Nobody wants to give us a straight answer about anything ie; housing, finance.. all they say is "You need to go see so-and-so", or "you need to go here, we don't do that here" ... and it's pissing me off beyone belief. I am a wreck, and feel like I am gonna snap. And then of course the kids, bless their hearts... I know they don't like it any more than I do... but that just adds to my cup when they don't listen, or crying.... I try and breathe but it don't work, I try and take a step back to try and get control... but my head is splitting.
We are in a time crunch as is, and need to get as much stuff done as possible...but all of this "shit" is driving me nuts.
** As you can see I was really frustrated yesterday.