Veiled,

Wow is all I can say. I've been gone for a while and there is a big difference in your posts. You've helped so many people by sharing your experiences and it's awesome what you've accomplished in your own healing. It's awesome, awesome, awesome!!!!

Nam

Thanks again guys. And Nam, thank you so much. I have missed you around here! That is a wonderful compliment coming from you.

I just wanted to update I am still drug free. Now that I am back home this week from Houston I am just shocking myself! My husband has asked more than a few times who are you and what have you done with my wife?

I have cooked and cooked. And real cooking, things that take 5 hours to prepare. I made almost 100 pirogies yesterday. Some fruit and some potato and cheese. Extra for my MIL even.

I have been pushing hard for people to shut off the computers and spend family time. I have been saying I love you so much more and hugging my teenager. He smiles but not wild about it. I am cherishing my family time so much more instead of hiding from them.

I made new popcorn recipes tonight, ranch and peanut caramel corn.

Everyone yelled until I said fine no movie tonight (they did not want to do it). Some reason when I gave in they changed their mind? So my manly men watched The Color Purple. My husband (who would never admit this) got chocked up and had teary eyes. Admitted it was a good movie. I thought he was laughing at a moving scene when his tummy jerked and as I turned to scold I saw it was not a giggle but crying.

I tried to get him out tonight to watch the stars at a nearby lake on a blanket, but he is not ready to just go do like I am trying. He is has not been around this in a while so I will try to go slower.

I went to a huge grocery store (not the little local market) for the first time since I moved here at Christmas.

I went to the little market this week all alone. I even went and paid my bills at city hall. Now I will admit I walked and still not driving. I did fight paying the bills but hubs forgot to pay them and I really had to.

Also, went with hubs to check out the lake. It was gorgeous. I cannot believe that place has been so close and I have not enjoyed it. So hubs and I have been looking at new camping gear so we can force the kids camping. I cannot wait to go fish in it!

I am getting a different kind of tired, not stress but doing things. I am seeing a re sparked light in my hubs eyes. He is tired in a good way too. He is more willing to get off the net. He is laughing. Everyone is smiling more. Laughing more. Laughing with me from being silly. I forgot how I was.

I am having my interest come back from years ago. This is too awesome.

I still do have some bad anxiety attacks but most are short. I bounce back fast. I was able to focus and come back from derealization. This is all like the most wonderful breath of fresh air.

I did learn PMS and no Xanax is a new kind of hell, but I hope it won't last long. PMS is hell but a little less would be nice. I guess it can't all be good. Roses do have thorns. But damn they smell sweet.

All I can say is:

Damn Girl!

I'm so freaking proud of you! and so happy for you!

*hugs*

bec

Veiled,

Ah hon.....Great job. I am so happy that your world is alive again, instead of being dulled through the fog of drugs.

I bet what you are feeling is like being re-born, so everything around you is new and crisp....Go and experience all the new wonders in your world....I am so happy for you...

Remember to stay grounded during the anxiety attack. possibly taking vitamin for the PMS will help too. I know that exercise will help, but I didn't want to push my luck...LOL!!!!

Congrats again hon.....

Wen

That is great! I hope to be able to come of my medications some day. It's nice to know that there are people who can do this.

Tammy

Thanks guys, still going strong :)

Veiled,

Thanks for sharing that I am really happy for you!

It also reminded me of some of the fun stuff my H, the kids, and I did - nice memories for a change. Although, I am a bit concerned about the cooking for 5 hours??? I do sort of understand as my H use to do that. Personally, I'll stick with the frozen meal in the box when it is my turn to cook.

Zoe

I really used to love to cook but I loath cleaning it up. That is why I pay my teen an allowance ;) The cooking is fun again, yeah!

Congratulations, what an inspiration to all who suffer from this ! You should be real proud of the work you did to get to where you are !

There is truly a light at the end of the tunnel. You will have many challenges and obstacles, but being drug free is a great step !! :)

I can't wait when I can say the same for my boyfriend. But however long it will take, it doesn't matter, as long as he continues to get better !

Well, just thought I would come in here to say I have not stayed off 100% as it turns out. Ah, disappointing but learning that is life. I certainly do not take it daily nor weekly for that matter. But I do have days accumulate where I do have to take some in the end to reground as the CBT and meditations to ground me won't work. I just get too pooped at times. But I can go weeks of none. I think I found my middle ground. I have processed and worked, I have learned living skills, I have also learned my limits. Sucks to admit have them but I do. But if a .5 xanax can help find my footing for a few weeks at a time oh well :) Shitload better than before! OK anniversaries I have to medicate more often, but if that is only twice a year that is way better than I thought my life would be. Just trying to keep th thread honest now. I am not addicted like I was, that is beat, but does not change I do still need it here and there.