Everyone should have one;right? I mean for major disasters, fires and escape routes out of your house for various reasons but what an evac plan for PTSD. What I'm getting at is a safe space for sufferers to go in your own home that will let them quietly let you deal with symptoms when they get to a point when they should not be interacting with the people you live with. Do you and your carer know the boundries of what is acceptable and is not? I firmly believe that you should not try to deal with your sufferer's illness when they are in the throws of a severe anxiety attack or when things are a little bit too crazy for them. You should set a space aside for them one of thier choosing. Whether its a sign on the door to a room that simply says "my space" or an entire room designated just for that purpose. Although I don't live with my sufferer; she is well aware of when it is acceptable to and when it's not to be in my space and I know when I shouldn't dare enter hers. It works. It can solve alot of unnecessary problems. I am not saying that it is always okay for PTSDers to hide from their issues but there are times when it is needed.

I just wanted to add, on top of this.. Nic and I share a signal word between us to tell her, in one word, that I'm not thinking straight nor capable of saying so.

Makes life rather simple when you only need one word and that's all you can get out of your mouth! Saves us from useless arguments too!

bec

When life gets too much or my anxiety decides to come out and play, my safe place is my bedroom. My family seems to know and understand that if I leave a room for an unknown reason and go into my room that I'm to be left alone for a while. Hallelujah!!!! After a bit of time has passed my husband will usually come in to see how I'm doing. But that they understand that sometimes I just need to be alone. Nothing against them. It's truly a case of 'It's not you, it's me'. *grin*

Lisa

Hubby & I have a code word when we are out if he is feeling overwhelmed so I know that it's time for him to go.
I love the idea of the giving hubby a safe area but as we live in a small house it is not possible. I just try to stay out of his way or go out if I think he needs time for himself.

I think its a very sensible idea Nic, and thank you for bringing it to light. The only issue I have seen with this is that often the sufferer will simply take advantage off it, because at the end of the day, a person with PTSD doesn't want to associate with anyone, they want to be left alone unless they initiate the contact. I have seen it used, though it often failed the majority of the time until the sufferer was at a point where they accepted fault for their actions, they once again became in touch with reality that they were treating their partner badly, they were emotionally abusive, and they must take responsibility for that, not run away and hide.

I think its a great idea, and everyone should use it at a given time, however; I must also say its not the most appropriate idea to use if your dealing with a sufferer that is still totally uncontrolled with their PTSD. You will lose them behind the safety barrier you created... near guarantee.

Added: So what is the right time to use one then? IMHO, the right time to have such a thing is during the management phase, where the sufferer is learning again, right from wrong in thinking styles.

I agree with you, Anthony. It does require alot of communication to achieve results that work. But, as a carer, I as well as others have a hard time dealing with our sufferers when things get going. I honestly don't understand what Bec goes through everyday. I never could unless I was in the same place as her. All I can do is work with her when things are relatively stable. We hash out these plans then as it works for us. I under no certain circumstances let her get herself into a dark hole but simply let her retreat until things have calmed then we discuss the issue at hand and work on coping strategies.

Yep, that sounds pretty effective to me. Well done to you both I say. This is exactly what its about... working out what works uniquely for each sufferer / carer. Well done to you both.

Cole and Bec, well done on devising a system which works well for the two of you. Jim and I are still working on that one with Evie, though we hope to be at that point someday. I do agree with you Anthony, whilst a safe space is an excellent idea, it can easily be taken advantage of if the sufferer is not yet in the management stage. We have given Evie the entire third floor of our house; that is her domain. She sleeps there, does her comic book work up there and also retreats there when she has had enough of us. However, we simply cannot permit her to stay up there constantly. I believe if she had her way should remain there for days and possibly weeks on end and never interact with us. There is indeed a fine line between giving the sufferer their needed privacy whilst at the same time encouraging them to be social. As I say, my husband and I are still working on that one.