I feel good tonight. I really do. It doesn't mean that I'm going to fall fast asleep, bc I'm not always in control of shutting down my mind for the evening,

..... (it will be the livingroom couch tonight, bc I must wake up bright and early, for tommorrow's 1st day back to school for children, and I simply cannot wake and mobilize in time if I sleep in my bed. It's far, far too comfortable for that kind of sh't!) (LOL)......

but hey, ...perhaps I can lay there and think positively tonight, as opposed to negatively, which was once the unavoidable norm for me, full of despair and terror.

I know I'll have nights, perhaps many, like this again and I can only hope my husb. and children, on the following day, will forgive me for those nights, but hey, what's the use in me fretting before it even comes about.

This is also the attitude I'm practicing holding with, and regarding my progressive loss of vision, ie. progressive ocular disease,

..............As well as, the attitude I'm really challenged to hold onto regarding me next speaking and meeting with, and confronting my mother.

Hope

This is an absolutely great post! Way to go! Please keep up the good work.

Veiled, How the heck are you? ...You made me feel like a million bucks, I hope you know that. Really.

I find your response, Deeply Encouraging. And veiled, I can't thank you enough.

Only problem veiled is...........I can't give you any good reputation, because what if you end up with more good reputation than Anthony? ...... ! (LOL) veiled, Have you ever thought of that happening? (LOL)


(My newest dilemma: To give veiled some good reputation for her great support and deep encouragement and run the risk of her exceeding Anthony's rep. Or, not to and remove myself from my integrity).......
.......really, just kiddin' and do hope you can appreciate my humor tonight. And, if not, a least forgive it and me.


Hope

THX veiled.

Just know that for me personally your post so eloquently puts how I have been feeling, steps I have made I see you word so well. And it is downright awesome seeing someone else go through the same thing. To see another make such great turns. You have worked so hard and put so much of yourself out. Most of the time you cannot comment as you put it all out already so nothing to add. But right now, you are making a major turn I think. Please keep being an inspiration to us all.

As far as getting too many reps, I doubt I will pass up Anthony! If I ever did I think he would be tickled as I would not have ever been able to even think out of myself and my pain for 5 minutes without him. With him guiding me I have learned how to not be a doormat, it is OK to have my own feelings, and to take time out for others. All in all to learn how to take care of me and use what I have left to help. I think you are there too. Again you are an inspiration.

I'm glad you've noticed this too veiled. I've been noticing great improvements within me too, if it's o.k. to humbly say. The hard work and exposure, is worth it all to me and consistent with my values.

Thinking right now of the principle and suggestion: "To Thine Own Self Be True."

Thank you much veiled for seeing my hard efforts for what they are. Right now, words cannot express how much I appreciate reading and hearing this tonight. Perfect support.......and perfect timing.

Now that you say this, I think so too velied.

Now this is AWESOME ! ! !

I'm in this very process now. The process of perservering no matter what, and no matter what the resistances and obstacles which lay ahead for me.

I am not a doormat, nor do I desire my kids to be. I am growing stronger through the enorm. pains of delving deep inside me and being willing to self examine what I find, and though sometimes it's slowly, I'm continuing with persistence, will, determination and the hoped for yet unexpected and unpredictable blessings of grace.

.............and all despite what the next obstacle or need for responsible action, is and may become.

Hope

I think I'm entitled to feel hurt, frustrated, and still angry after today's unneccessary hurt...

...and once again, and now that today has passed, Hopeful and all at the same time.

Except my hope doesn't have to include EVERYTHING, that perhaps it once did.

First and foremost my hope includes healing from my traumas, continually learning, applying coping skills and managing my PTSD and one day being of service to others.

And, let me not exclude, that my hope is about not given up on my children and no matter what, sharing good values through my example, and assuring them that through whatever crap life can sometimes throw, that I love ******* & ******, and deeply.

Hope

"In every Adversity, Is a Seed to a Bigger and Better Good."

-Anonymous

**

Always, Our Pers. Choose:

We can find this seed, plant it in good soil, feed & water it, give it sunshine and/or shade, watch it grow beautifully and prune it when needed. ~Hope

Most recently my family has had one hell'a'va painful day, and I just know that there has got to be...seeds..., to a bigger and better good. I don't want to overlook them and miss out on great opportunity for change(s) and growth.

So here goes my first attempt to uncover just where and what these seeds are, and all inspired from the disorder of that most painful family experience:

• I must now trust my instinct and experience and seek counseling for my son and daughter, and depite my husb.'s prior denial, discouragement and his statement of: NO. Our children don't need counseling and that they're perfectly well.

[If this must come to an ultimatum, then so be it, they're my children as well and I can now trust myself and my insights and seek to provide counseling support for our children. -And, all without feeling pressured not to, intimidated or afraid.]

• I needn't no longer exist in any degree of denial, dishonesty (through omission) or fantasy in relationship and marriage with my husb. I can address, face and deal with facts and no longer accept his games in communications between us.

• I will not accept what I consider abusive as acceptable, bc I am told it is, and then left with the belief that I have no choose but to accept it, or else welcome more trouble and strife. (Whatever the sort, excuses made, or rationalizations for it, I will object, if or when ever the need arises).

[And My ultimatums will be given (adults & children alike), and something done about it to prevent and/or stop any form of abuse.]

• Simply bc my husb.'s outlooks, attitudes, behaviors and values have shifted over time, and I have felt pressured to conform. I can now, and I am reclaiming myself, my values and my convictions. I too will maintain my hope.

• There is avenues of help available to me as a PTSD sufferer, and I will continue to seek out and accept, as many constructive means of help as is available to my family and I.

• As long as I can, I will do every ounce of work necessary to arrest the progression of my PTSD and continue to learn of and apply both management and coping tools to my PTSD and life's condition.

..........and, I think I'll continue this later. It's as if this post, and those 'seeds' has evolved into a bit of a pers. mission statement for me tonight.

Heading now for some :sleeping: !

Hope

I'm feeling really hopeful again and despite anything or everything, bc I am taking right actions immediately following a bout of, or fall into enorm. PTSD stress, and despite how I feel;

My Action and/or Risks always pays off one way or the other, and if only in accepting No as an answer, or coming to consider and regard another's point of view.

In the last two days, I've taken numerous risks. I mean real, scary risks, and I've grown and/or survived every one of them.

Sometimes, when and if I remember, or am helped to remember, I can consider almost everyone of my fears as nothing more than the boogey-man. You know the creature or monster, that was suppose to exist under our bed, or in our closets, but that was absolutely NEVER...EVER there. That guy. He's nothing more than a figment of my overactive imagination now and resulting from past traumas.

The key for me to always remember, is that my trauma is in my past, and Not in my present. And, though, with too great of triggers or stress, I can always still suffer flashbacks, experiences of reliving traumatic events and intense negativity, if I can and do take some right actions ASAP, and minimize the stress enough to see clearly once again, I again quickly recover to a place where I can acknowledge. 'Oh yeah' it's only the boogeyman,' and not a real threat, nor going to unfold in the present as it always did in my past.

My life has changed. My world is different and though I believe I must still get it all out': my once disowned and suppressed past, as well as, any great difficulties of my present, none of this still changes anything.

And, the truth is my life is good, and I am far much better off now mental health wise, than I was nearly a yr. ago. Though it's not what I had once dreamnt of (and that being perfect and living a life of perfection). My life is truly darn' good, and when problems or conflicts arise, I'll be there and willing and able to do my part to help resolve them.

Very much Hopeful and recently have learned a great deal. Though I can't ever put all my new lessons for life and paradigm shifts into text, nor need to, I will be forever grateful for Anthony, and all of you who support this forum through helping yourselves, supporting/helping each other and putting your healing all into Action, in your families, your work and in your lives. And, yes there is pain and error and more pain and error ahead for all of us, and our families; This is life, but the rewards of this kind of pain, sweat and hardwork is Life for us PTSD sufferers, and with it comes many surprises and joys.

And, far, far, far more sweeter then resigning ourselves to complete unlifting despair.

Hope

I really have no words for this Hope. It's just beautiful in a way that makes the world stop for a moment. I think the greatest gift you have is your words. They are ever inspiring and give me hope when I feel my hope is lost.

Your doing so wonderful. I love reading as you take your power back and bloom!

bec