Thank you, bec ! ............

Hope

Feeling hopeful today about my healing process, and proud of my efforts, yet still I'm looking forward to finding rest and sleep at the end of this very long day, .........already a long day ! ........with the rest of today yet to arrive.

Son tests for brown belt in Karate today. I'm Really hoping he does well !

Hope

This day has just been the balls. :biggrin: I mean really something great. I didn't even do anything special. Mostly just did what I usually choose and/or must do. But, there was what felt like an exaggerated difference in the degrees of happiness and hope I felt today and from so many other days.

I felt like I'd just found my way out of some deep, dark, painfully lonely woods, and was now delighted with this and with myself. I even thought, Wow, is this how other people without PTSD feel. I mean I was full of happiness, hope and joys, and in just in being me and in relationship to others. Wow!, was I ever able to get outside of myself today, in such a way that makes every last bit of this exhausting work worthwhile.

I was singing aloud to songs. I was laughing with my husb. and able to listen to him speak to me and in his way, and without feeling threatened. I didn't feel threatened, bc I now feel like I'm feeding, nurturing and pulling upon my spirituality that had just been so very lost to me and in my relationships and since the last time I proactively treated my progressively untreated PTSD. -(and was able and supported in doing so).

Again I just feel and deeply appreciate the self-esteem, internal strength & positive dialogue, and real feelings of happiness that I felt all throughout this day. Well perhaps only 96% of this day.

Something funny...............At least I think so, though I must admit when it was occurring, I did start to feel somewhat frustrated and a bit angry, but yet I did too completely understand. What it was is this: I had a therapy appt. early evening today and my therapist fought and struggled with herself to keep her eyes open. She was getting all foggy eyed, (LOL) and her eyes were just shutting on her beyond all her efforts.

OMG, I am cracking myself up now remembering this from earlier. I understood and just had to cut her slack and have compassion for her.

OMG,...............it was funny !

Hope

ps. I guess many of the smily emoticons are temp. disabled

Take Care,

By George, I think I have it too, and it being, just what this process takes !

......just thinking and feeling optimistic, never said I wasn't in emot. pain and/or that I don't know the meaning of suffering trauma.

I know we all know, ...........and all to well the meaning of deep despair and continuing suffering from our trauma(s). So when I find natural relief and/or some release from it, I'm going to acknowledge it, feel good and take it from there.................

Hope

This is really, really hard work coming to terms with our trauma(s) and staying willing to confront it all, dig into it and around it, re-process it and all through new lens's and all while being responsible and accountable to our present day attitude and way of thinking.

And, though it's really hard. I'm continuing forward and through.

Hope

It is possible that for right now and on any given day, I might be ill. I might be even worn-out, exhausted, be and feel physc. wrecked and think intensely negative and all while I excavate, re-examine and clear away my experiences of trauma. So what?

This all passes. The good, the bad and the indifferent, it all passes and is replaced with the good, the bad and/or the indifferent. And, so life is ever changing. Good!

I've also found that on any given day, I think clearly, and do respond intelligently. I come further out of my shell and share and associate with others. I have chooses, can use wise discernment and overall accomplish a great deal of good and feel real damn good.

I'll take this flexibility any day over any of my previous rigidity where nothing ever, ever, ...and, I mean ever changed or passed.

This has me very, very pleased tonight, the simple reality that yes, life can change and does, feelings can pass and do, thinking styles can increasingly become more productive and will, life-syles can and do change, and more great surprises and pain are ahead. Hey, not too, too shabby, at all.

Got to say, it beats the crap out of both my complacency and aggression. Whether my aggression is directed toward myself or perhaps outward toward others, it simply has always turned up unproductive. My complacency never did any better of a job.

So this is it, decision, life, time and no rock left unturned.

Now there hasn't been much go easy for me today, but my life is not dependent upon easy. When I chose and/or went the easy route, my life was un'freakin'believably miserable, and far more miserable and seemingly permanent than anything I've yet to experience these days.

Hope

Thank you Hope for your posts. It is a blessing to know others are having the same experiences and feelings I do. You are way ahead of me in your healing, but you have helped me keep my hope alive. For the past few weeks I have had nightmares, negative emotions and low self esteem. Your posts reminded me that the negativity will pass and I will feel the hope again. This is my cycle of life and I can deal with it.

Cheers,

vst

vst, yes we can deal with it!

It is going to be easier, gentler and comforting sometimes and likely damn' bleak at other times, however provided we keep facing, walking through and moving beyond whatever pers. respons.'s is before us, and with a willingness to discover and grab hold of the many positives in our life, I know for me, it has and is again all making my life worth living in the Present.

I don't have to wait to live, to hope to heal completely, and beyond what is expected and normal for me anyhow, and considering my trauma.

I get to accept it all and live now, and to the best of my daily abilities, while always remaining willing to learn and take the best pers. responsibility for myself that I can.

vst, as you've said, our negativity does and will pass, all in time and with only our continuing efforts and willingness to ask for help when we need it.

IMHO, those fruitful, promising, sometimes confusing and painful efforts, whether or not felt sometimes, or at other times, more often than not, are all part of of this business of good living.

Hang in vst, and so will I. As for your nightmares, it's very likely they will significantly diminish and even come to an end, as you progressively heal. Try not to avoid the nightmares, if it means avoiding your continued healing.

Let's take care.

Hope

I've been daily doing my best to balance my life with managing my PTSD and along with it's triggers and though nothing is perfect and there is some struggle, pain and confusion, there is also many joys and an increasingly hopeful and good life.

I wanna say that this progressive, pers. initiative, trauma exposure, and honest self-examin. process, I now believe can and does work miracles.

Hope

Hi Hope,

You are awesome!!

My breakthrough came last Saturday night when I realized what had triggered this recent episode. Once I understand I can take action.

As I wrote in a earlier post, I want to trust, I want to love and and I want to live life to the fullest and without fear. It is going to happen!!



vst