You are not missing anything... they both taste like crap LOL.

What a great thread....very inspirational. Great job hope!

ya' Veiled, I bet they do. Typical nasty tastes. Even the beers I use to enjoy the tastes of, never tasted good after once before, going an extended period of time without them. They too then tasted like crap, and were actually difficult to enjoy drinking. I had had this fond memory of them, which turned out to be nothing more than a memory, bc quite frankly they ended up tasting nasty.

Pandora, Thank you, for the compliment and the thumbs up. It is very nice of you! And, Thx.

I almost cannot believe it, but today's the anniversary of a trauma that most seriously impacted and changed me a great deal. So much that it even was a set-up or birth of more uncontrollable grief, loss and trauma to follow, and which did.

Maybe a bit premature tonight, (as I haven't retired for the night yet), but it doesn't seem to bother me. At least for sometime and today, and now so far: I can actually see it as nuetral, a part of my history and not much more than a memory. Hope it stays this way, and continues and continues, and especially through these upcoming holidays.

Hope

It's been about 4 mo.'s since I've posted here in this thread. Tonight I am most thankful for sudden, unexpected change, many peaceful feelings, strength, decision and the power to choose and motivate. I can only call it a gift, and though much hoped for, none-the-less, unexpected!

This last week and most especially these last few days I have been allowed once again to really bond with and deeply enjoy my children. It has looked like:

Backyard, bubbles, Scooters, Boulevard, Ocean, Affection, Parks, Picnic, Games, Many giggles & laughs, Playgrounds, Vanilla shakes, Onion rings, Historical sites, Ball & Frisbee; Again, all a sudden unexpected gift received. I can only hope this fun and well spent time continues throughout my children's vacation.

I do hesitate to say anything about such good times, still bc of pers. fears.

When growing up, my family around me, often..., far too often..., made hateful statements, gave disturbing looks and made belittling, sarcastic, confusing comments and then soon afterwards walked away, or they'd just look at me, while staring and saying nothing (as if through me), and I'd sometimes wonder if I were even real; These times here which I've mentioned, were all in response to good times, good feelings and/or success of any kind. So you, could say, I can still fear and feel afraid of letting others know I am feeling or doing fairly well.

My husband is not only feeling better lately, but he's being more thoughtful and showing more self-control and this is all greatly, all-around helpful.
And, I've been learning how to better stand up in the face of loved ones difficulties, and without being dragged or taken down. I'm maintaining hope despite sometime difficult realities.

Today on our way back from our day trip out, I found myself traveling some of the same streets in which directly relate themselves to a rape of me back many yrs. ago. In fact, I believe I drove right past that house and the memories returned, ...visuals, and they were unpleasant. ....All those memories, and today's feelings were those of sadness and greif, but they were clearly manageable. What it felt like was my heart being held and wrung, yet still manageable. The bit of confusion was this: I still don't understand why?

Anyhow, a few hrs. back, the arm of my eyeglasses simply snapped off, and so here I sit, ....funny.... crookedly balancing and resting my glasses on the bridge of my nose. Tommorrow's another vacation day and if I'm unable to get my eyeglases fixed, you can count on the fact I'll be out and about with crooked, broken glasses. Hope to be continuing to enjoy this vacation. One chief requirement, sleep, without it or enough of it, I can be a bear. But, I've found hope in this much lately, as I've been getting some great sleep.

Tonight I'm feeling: grateful, some sadness, some heartache, enthusiasm, hope, much peace, pleasure and joy.

You summed up how I am feeling at the moment!

You are an inspiration!

Thank you for this.....

Spirit x

We have to learn to enjoy each moment! Treasure the special ones and write them down for a rainy day.

Thanks so much spiritofnow for the compliment. It's good to hear, occassionally, that I too can be an inspiration, among other inspirations. I've been really inspired by alot of your threads. I too get some good ideas for threads, but simply do not have time to start them and/or get back to them. This of course is not a bad thing considering, but it's sometimes hard for me to accept. Just want you to know though, I also see and experience your presence here on the forum as an inspiration, ...and a great one. So thank you again.

Cindy, I really appreciate your comment too and its reminder. A simple and to the point direction. I find it very helpful, and thank you!

April vacation has passed and my children are back in school as of about 1 hr. ago. All went well and we all enjoyed it, and it wasn't until yesterday that I first felt pooped (needing rest), therefore not as motivated as I can often be.

I did get my glasses fixed too, and first thing, the very next morning. (new frames, new shape, new lens cut).

Some more of this week looked like: Walks, Children's friends over, Play, The Park, A Birthday Party, Battleship, Planting a Garden especially for my daughter, Chinese food, Pizza, and 'killer' (McDonald's-no more.) My attendence at Church. Oh' and a small farm.

Really can't complain about much of anything. Will say, I'm still dissatisfied with my addiction to smokes, but as hard as it is, I can imagine an end to this one day this yr. and hopefully sooner rather than later. As far as learning to enjoy each moment, I'm learning how to accept and bring forth the best in me in even any of my suffering. As I've started to think, why waste any time resisting any at all, and/or trying to avoid it when it's a part of everyone's life. Human pain and suffering = Normal. It's as if it can't, and perhaps shouldn't be sought, to entirely get away from, which I guess will have to be O.K.

I mean, I don't know about anyone else, but regardless of whether I'm well or not, I can generally too often feel some pain and suffering. When I really meet, know, care, and love another and others, what I find at different points in time and along with much joy and love is, I find pain and shared suffering. So I may as well embrace pain and suffering as well, ........not something I am thrilled about doing, but certainly something that is unavoidable, if I wish to continue 'living' and again know and truly care about, and love others, as I do, and can always do better.

Hope

goingonhope,

Your comments have added to my day and I am smiling. Thank you!

Spirit x

Glad it all went well. I also plan to ditch the smokes this year. We have about 8 months left to do it! I hope you have pictures from last week you can tape around your computer monitor? Or put in the visor in your car above your head to keep the moments fresh. When you are at a stop light take a moment and breath in the memory.

Cindy