I thank you guys for your concern, truely! I have put my finger on the cause of my shity mood and depression. Prior to moving my Mom in with me, I guess I saw her as the vital, healthy and mentally alert woman I knew. I now see her as she truely is. As much as I love her this has been a wake up call--she is 83 years old!! It has scared me and depressed me. My "Mom" is my rock and she IS NOT suppose to crumble. She is my "Mom". She is the one who is suppose to see that I am OK. This has been a shock to me and my system and I've been thrown into a tail spin for sure. This is the 1st step, right? Recognizing the problem! Now I can deal with it, I think. Man this is hard. I mean really hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Herc,

What I think a lot of us come to realize later on in life.....Is that things change, and it's hard to accept. You're right,,,,,,,, We believe that our parents will always be there for us, strong, and ever loving rocks that they have always been.... Then we wake up one day, and suddenly they are older, frailer, weaker, and vulnerable. The roles have changed and we become the parent, they the child, we take care of them, and they become child like in many aspects.....

Yes, it's a wake up call, one that sometimes is very hard to swallow. One that all of us must face in our life time......

You recognize your problem, and now is the hard part. You have to find a way to deal with not only your mom and her aging, but your own demons that haunt you too.... You will need support, and time for you too.....Vent, vent , vent....

Wendy

We are here, Herc! Tell us what is going on.

Well guys, it has been a while since I've posted on my own post. Guess it is time. I am still adjusting to the aging process my mom is going through. I am still depressed. I am still extremely freightened to see my mom growing old and forgetful and frail. This is not what I expected when I said we should move in together. It has shaken my world to it's very core--to say the least. I'm not exactly sure what I expected but it certainly was not this. I am in a constant and repeaticious panic attack and the anxiety level has risen to an extreme level. I'm in control,(or I think I am),I'm taking my meds and I'm very aware of exactly what is happening to me. I don't like it, but I'm riding out this "cluster storm" so to speak and as long as I keep venting these feelings from my soul, I should be ok. I've learned that keeping this stuff inside is very unhealthy and extremely counterproductive to my well being and I've learned---Oh God what have I learned??? I'm in the middle of a small downward spiral and I don't like it. Last evening mom and I had a good heart to heart and got alot of things cleared up and we were able to talk about why I'm stressing and such. Hopefully, I will relax somewhat over the weekend now that we understand some of the things I was OCDing over. So anyway, guess that's all the venting my nerves can take right now

PS if there are any words that look weird that is because my "A" is broken Sorry

Herc,

Try and have a good weekend......Yes what you are going through is so hard....Try and take some time for you even if only a few minutes everyday, read a few pages in a good book, sit outside and just look at the sky, or whatever you like to do. Just try and take the time.

Your A's look fine......LOL

Wen

Hey She! Funny you should mention taking time to "Smell the roses". I was fixing up my new balcony when mom asked if I could go get her some of the same plants for her patio. I got to go out shopping without feeling guilty. I got to spend her money for fun and then come home and dig in the dirt and plants and flowers. Felt good! I just really need to ease up on myself and relax. While that is easier said than done, I'll still give the ole college try! But I'm extremely fragile right now and trying to go it alone is rough!!! Today I saw another bit of mom slip away. I asked her to fix me some of her good meatloaf and she could not remember how to fix it. This was her "specialty" Makes me sad to see her slipping. I say nothing to her about this because it is my issue--NOT HERS. I really appreciate you listening to my venting THANX

Hey Herc,

Please don't ever thank me for listening, and being there. I want to. OK????

As for your mom... I work for some elderly, have worked for others, and I also had my grandfather that lived with us when I was younger. I do know how you feel. It's so hard, and it will get harder.

Is your mom on any meds for this yet??? Aricept? Namenda? These are two of the newer drugs they use for Dementia. They won't cure, but the help slow things down a bit.

I hope that you got passed the Meatloaf problem by offering to help her make it. Even if you didn't know how, it kind of takes the pressure off her to remember. It may be hard on you, but they too understand their lack of memory, and it's so frustrating for her too.

Plants are so cool. I'm glad that it got you out, and into the dirt. LOL!!!! My apartment looks like a jungle minus the monkeys........

Take care Herc......I am sending warm soft hugs for you and mom...

Wen

Hey Wen. Thanx, again! I've been meaning to ask you---Do you have any cats? With your "She Cat" you MUST have cats?

As for Mom--good days and bad days and some fairly decent meatloaf for dinner. And you are so right about it being hard on her. She gets so upset and tries to hide it from me by joking. But I see it upsets her when the "blanks" occur. So I make jokes to her jokes and then we move on. I have not spoken to her doctor about this, scared of the truth I guess. I know I have to, just scared. But, I know I have to address it with him and deal with it myself. Baby steps----baby steps---meaning ME Till Later Herc

Hey Herc,

I know how hard it is, and yes denial is a good thing at times, but if you can bring this info up to her Dr the meds will help to slow the process a little bit. You're right baby steps hon......

Cats???? Nope allergic to them now. The name comes from my anger issue. LOL!!! Now figure that one out. When I was very little I had an anger issue, and my grandfather told me once that I was so angry, that I was like a She Cat protecting her cubs... The name stuck, and so didn't my anger for many yrs.

Take care Herc........