Update:

Well, apparantly she was having a good day yesterday. She was very flirty and friendly with me at work. On our morning break it ended up just being us 2 and she said she was sorry for everything, got teary eyed.

I told her there were many things I wanted to say to her, but don't wnat to put undue pressure on her and still need to respect her space to I wouldn't go into them. I did say that I had been researching PTSD, and I understand more about it now.

We shared a hug, and before we walked back into the building she stopped me to give me a good kiss.

Later after work I helped her pick out some revenge toys for a co-worker who played a practical joke on her and after that we also shared another kiss.

I had told her when she was ready I wanted to talk more and left it at that.

I'm trying to keep perspective that this doesn't change anything really. It just means that she had a good day, and I am feeling a bit more secure that we can work through this. Today at work I am going to pretend like yesterday didn't happen and keep things friendly but short and let her maintain whatever pace she is comfortable with.

It's very hard...because it would be so easy just to fall back into acting like everything is fine again and the storm has passed. It's tough to reign myself in and not just jump back in. Yesterday felt really good, really normal. I want that back so much.

It has only been a week though.

That does sound promising Arashi, however I do agree with you in that she may simply be having a good day. It is difficult to say, I know my Evie's moods vary greatly. Yes it is very frustrating at times, never knowing exactly what to expect! However that does improve the longer there is interaction with the individual; one begins to notice patterns and cycles. Jim and I can tell when Evie is headed for trouble, or when she is lying to us, for example. It is a matter of observing certain habits, which happens naturally after you've known someone for a while. Which brings me to my next question Arashi, how long have you and your girlfriend been acquainted? It takes a while to know someone, and especially so an individual with PTSD. Keep learning and trying, that is the main thing. And well done to you for applying what you have already learned.

Thanks Kathy. We have known each other professionally for almost 2 years, but personally going on 10 months or so? Dating for 8.

So I ran into a conundrum today. Things in my life continue to get worse, specifically with a custody battle over my son. She has been a great help and support to me through it all this time. Given what has happened this week, and being on hold, I have kept the newest revelations to myself.

However, she knew something was wrong with me (she's very intuitive) and asked me what was going on with my son. I really wanted to just bust out all the details, but held back soem of it. I couldn't help myself but to say what was going on though. I told her not to worry about it, that I would take care of it. She ended up rolling her eyes at me when I hesitated to answer.

So what do you do when the sufferer is asking for more information, but you know that saying it might bring more pressure on her? She says she wants to know, she is interested in it, and wants to be there for me knowing I need to vent and talk about it.

How do I handle that?

She is probably interested because it takes the focus off of her and her problems. If she has other things to deal with....She doesn't have to deal with her issues. Avoidance is a great tool that we all use, hhhhhmmmmmmmm and denial too... JMO.....

Wendy

I was thinking that too She Cat.. also she might feel guilty for leaving you hanging knowing you could use the suport. and really does care for you but just has a hard time with the emotional relationship.. and the moving in togeather part? I think everyone wants to feel needed ... so her feeling like you want and need her shoulder to vent on helps her too maybe.

Arashi, I have been reading your thread with great interest as you seem to be in a situation I only understand too well. I opened a thread "on-off relationship.." if you want to read some details...
I can only tell you that I know this pushing away and not letting go at the same time only too well, I have been in this for a long time. At the moment we are seperated but still we are in contact constantly. I have made the experience that him confronting with my problems did not make it any better, he is so much involved in himself all the time and I got angry when he did not even want to listen. And also it is very hard for me to constantly understand him and be there for him when nothing comes back. I know that sounds selfish and of course I feel guilty, but maybe you understand what I mean. Just want to tell you that I know what you are going through. I am at the moment trying to take care of myself also and have recieved a lot of helpful advice in this forum!

I agree with the advice you have received, she could very well be trying to shift focus. However, she is an adult, and if she is asking for information directly, you should not feel the need to shield or protect her. I would answer her questions honestly. You needn't make it a huge conversation or go into details. But refusing to tell her is treating her as a child in a sense, and she is not a child. It is not as if you are forcing the information upon her; she has asked you, and so to be respectful to her, I believe you should answer. If it upsets her, she can deal with the consequences of that, as she is the one who asked in the first place.

That is sort of the stance I took with it Kathy, thank you. I eventually did give her some answers, but I didn't go into as much detail as I would have were we not in the situation we are in now.

I think that she will come out of this and be better able to handle these things without feeling the pressure, but right now it is too much. I know she cares, and she does watn to know. I can't be responsible for her motivations to do so, but I can decide how much I reveal or how I speak of things so that the burden doesn't shift to her in any way shape or form.

Maybe she is trying to find a distraction, but I really think it is genuine concern and interest. I mean, up until a week and a half ago this is somethign that we would have talked at length about on probably more then one occasion. It is also a habit and pattern for us and for her.

Again though...I need to be careful because I don't want to contribute to her feeling overwhelmed.

So here is another question. This whole thing of hers is recent in regards to letting it affect our relationship so openly. Last week was a big downswing, and Thursday showed a major upswing.

I want to talk to her more about what is going on and what I have learned depsperately...but know the timing must be right. Should I strike while the iron is hot, when she is in an upswing, or should I wait longer for her to kind of even out instead of using either side of the emotional extreme?

My instincts tell me to make a grand romantic gesture and take advantage of her good mood and "reaching out"...but I don't know if that would be just as bad as doing some desperate action while she is in a downswing. You know?

I think that weather you make the "Grand romantic Gesture" now or later, really isn't the point. IMO......I think that your relationship will eventually evolve....But you are still left with the fact that she has PTSD. Unless she decides to get help and work on her issues, you will always have to deal with the push-pull, up-down, in-out, yes-no, maybe-maybe not, and the anxiety, panic and everything else that we go through...

This is a long process, it never goes away, we always have it...She can learn to manage things but she needs to take the first step, by seeking out help.....

Wendy