Mayhem, what do you perceive as you outmost worst trauma? This is not what you may have nightmares mostly, but what memory do you perceive as the absolute worst memory, the most traumatic memory you contain?

anthony ,

you have a PM....and you will understand why I dont speak of that even here

lets see.....the facts

fact: people that take some type of mind altering drug end up.

Drowning their kids in the tub
Drowning their kids in the car and say someone else did it (( Susan Smith))
Chopping of their kids arms
Go on a shooting rampage (( Columbine))

wow that sounds fun sign Me the "F" up and yeah while I am taking these pills....
we can get a gun for You Doc, we'll make it fun We can get a revolver, drop a single bullet in a cylinder , spin that "F"er them slam it the "F" shut. Each time I take a pill, then you spin it, place it at your temple and pull the F'n trigger.

what???? you say thats crazy to put a gun to your head and pull the trigger......well NO screaming eagle shit, now you know how I feel about taking those F'n pills

Your so F'n ready to put My mind at risk, but to have yours splatered all over the F'N wall ...."ohhhhhhhhhh NO thats just crazy"

Well Doc until You either gets a set of nuts or a set of ovaries, taking Pills for Me is NOT and option.

You seem a little angry over medication mayhem, why is that? Not sure I quite got the message of what you feel surrounding medications to the anger in the above statement. To much anger to even find a feeling. What do you feel regarding this matter. Anger doesn't do a thing towards helping you.

* in a very calm voice I say *
anthony,

I have read the paper, watched the news on TV, and read news reports over the internet. I have seen countless times the stories that I wrote of before, where this person or that one was on type of "medication" to help them with their "problems" only the "freak out " and go on a killing spree.

I love My family wayyyyyyyy to much to "willing" take something that "may" ( all signs point that way) OR "may not" make Me "freak out".

And yes, anthony I am very anger that someone would say " hey take these pills they'll help you." Take a pill for this take a pill for that, take a pill to get to sleep, take a pill to help you wake up, take this pill if you have trouble doing this...pills pills pills ......*growls*

Thats like Me saying "heres a gun with one bullet, it "may" blow your brains out then again it "may not"


Enough with doping people up........I did enough drugs back in the late '70's and earily '80's to last Me a life time

Sorry mate, more sarcasm than anything. I actually agree with you regarding medications, I know I was certainly worse on them than without them. They made me want to die, they made me no longer be in control of my body and I had all sorts of issues from side effects of them. I got sick of being an experimental dummy for the pharmaceutical corporations.

I am actually quite glad you aren't on them, because it means your actually more likely to be more in tune with yourself, so to speak. Medications typically block certain censors within our brain which is how they work. Blocking those censors also blocks other aspects in which we need to heal trauma. Theoretically speaking, you should be actually easier to talk with regarding your trauma because you aren't doped up on the shit. Well done to you mayhem.

Heal trauma, the symptoms disappear. Learn how to manage PTSD and then the core root of PTSD can be controlled, the anxiety levels.

just like the Title says

I am mad, angry, pissed off, bent out of shape, what ever you wanna call it.

I dont know IF or when I'll be back.

I cant stay mad, so I am back

I am glad you are back :hello:

well Mayhem it's been a long time since you posted up here, take some time, get your thoughts together then begin to write.