Thank you, all of you.

I haven't really done much for myself as of yet. I cleaned my house (still have a bit more to do) but that was part of coming out of that terrible depression. (I don't clean when I'm depressed.)

Matt has a four hour pass to come home today. I go and get him at one and have to have him back by five. Tomorrow he gets six hours. He's very excited and he can't wait to see Cougie! We are also going to go and hang out at Ryan's for a bit so that Matt can play with his son. They have been calling each other on the phone! I think that is a huge improvement.

I won't really know much for how this assessment is going till Thursday. That is the first conference meeting with everyone (including Matt's school.) So hopefully I will have positive news by then. I also have to pick up Matt's school work on Monday. The hospital finally managed to get them to give him some school work!

Thank you, all of you, for the repeated positive message that I'm a good mom. Your all really helping me control that negative message! Unfortunately it beats a tune in my head most of the time, so this has been really trying. I am a good mom, I know that somewhere in me, it just gets over-ridden by that old message from my family. Have to work on that one!

I've decided that while Matt is away, I should attempt a night out. I've asked Ryan to have a night out with me, hehe, and I'm making him pick what we are doing. I figure now is a good time to push that comfort zone as I don't have to worry about Matt being safe at home. He's safe in a hospital! And if it doesn't go well and I get really sick, he is not here to put up with me either! Win, win in my book. So that is the nice thing I'm going to attempt. (damn hard when your agoraphobic!)

Anyways, I'm looking forward to having Matt visit for a while today!

bec

I really hope that for your time out with Ryan, your agoraphobia "takes a hike" for the entire time that you are out, so that you can enjoy yourself and be stress free.

I'm glad to hear that things are calmer for you and Matt seems to be adjusting well too. Have a great time with him.....

Actually a pretty positive post......Hearing good things....I'm glad........ You have had some rough times of late, and now need some relaxing, stress free, fun times with Matt and Ryan, or just by yourself.....I hope that you get that...

Wen

So how did Matt's visit go Bec? I do hope it was lovely. The outing sounds like a fine idea, and I assume Ryan is understanding of your agoraphobia and would be willing to take you back home if need be. Well done on thinking of ways to test your comfort zone whilst Matt is safely in hospital. It shows that you are looking forward, and that is most positive.

Matt's weekend passes out of the hospital were awesome this weekend!

We went to Ryan's both days and Matt went to the park and to a another kid's house to play with Ryan's kids. I was just impressed! He left his comfort zone and had lot's of fun! It's funny how one week of being forced to interact is helping so much!

I also had a great time out this weekend. Saturday night we went to the casino, ate dinner out and went for a drive. We won some money and had lot's of fun. I was rather terrified at first but had relaxed by the end of the night.

Even better, I went to the casino in the states with Ryan this evening, and wasn't nervous, anxious or afraid in the least! That's a first for me in over a year! *does back flips*

Matt's assessment is coming along fine. They think he may have a mild learning disorder. If he does, I probably have it too, as we share the same issues. They are looking at a possible mild form of ADHD, however, it could just be his anxiety. They are not sure if it's both or just the one masking it. I will know more on Thursday.

For some stupid reason, they keep complimenting me on being "so honest" and "willing to talk" about our past and what I think needs to change at home etc... Why? Is there something rather special about that or what? Sorry just confuses me. I can't change what I don't acknowledge and they need to know it all to help us. At least that is how I see it.

So it's been very good but I've been busy. I have appointments (some days five or more) everyday plus I'm squishing in time out and time at Ryan's. I think when Matt gets home, I'm gonna sleep for a week! lol

bec

Glad to hear things are going well Bec.

Glad to hear that Matt is doing well & making good friends.

Very pleased to hear you had a good night out, you deserved it.

That's simply wonderful Bec, I am pleased things are going so well right now!

Yes, I'm starting to see why parents need breaks! This has been good for us, even if the start was rough! ;)

Matt and I are more huggy now and being forced to talk on the phone, has forced us to really talk! I miss him dearly, but am really enjoying not worrying about him for a change.

I'm starting to do exposure therapy with Matt for his school today. Over the next few days, Matt will visit the school after hours, then tour it after hours, the tour during hours and then hopefully start school.

The great news is Matt should be home by middle of next week! Whoo hoo! Just in time to start his fiddling lessons! LOL

bec

bec...i am so glad to hear that things seem to be coming together and congrats on getting out and enjoying "adult time" I know we need that....I have not had more than 24 hours in about 4 years so i understand that too. it is nice to have a break every once in a while.

Had the conference today.

They are drugging Matt for ADD. I was pretty much strong-armed into it and I'm not very happy about it. They don't feel Matt has significant anxiety issues, as he feels safe in the locked ward, despite the fact that he is the FIRST kid to want to be locked in. They admit his anxiety is present but because it is localized to his trauma (fear of seeing his abuser in a crowd etc.) they don't consider it an issue.

I don't know what to think but I'm not impressed.

Rather cranky as my PTSD is in full gear right now. Will post more in a few days.

bec

Wanted to add that when Matt is not around me full time he is better 100%, so his anxiety is not anywhere near where mine is. They do figure that with exposure to people, places, and crowds that he will get better.

I hope all continues to well for you and your son. I am sorry to hear your PTSD is playing up and I hope for your sake that you get it under control again soon. My thoughts are with you, Tammy.