Ok....I was wondering if anyone else has this. I have a really hard time accepting and well...beleiving everyone when they say nice things. i am not sure how long I have been like this or if it is just because I am sooooo trying to not hear the negative and before I wasn't really conscious of the fact that I have been this way. Since the PTSD and leaving work, getting older i seem to worry more about well everything, I guess.

Others tell me I am pretty. I do look like I am a lot younger than I am but when someone gives me a compliment ...my internal dialouge is stil ya...right. The other day my friend said you are so pretty and in my head I hear...."ya, pretty ugly" my mother said this morning and this is quite unusual "You know you really are a beautiful girl.......you need self confidence, I don't know what happened to you?'' Like WTF????

I just don't know how to gain self confidence back and I want to, oh so bad...I don't know how.

I hate to be naked even with myself...Ok...thats not normal. Is this PTSD related? is that why I can't seem to shake this.

It is certainly self esteem related. Low self esteem is normal with PTSD. But like much of PTSD related issues, during the work to get better self esteem will rise. Doing the same type of exercises like for negative thinking can help.

I know it's hard Pandora but you need to change your internal dialogue and only allow yourself to tell yourself nice things or nothing at all. It takes a bit of practise but the more you do it and if you correct yourself when you have a negative thought, the more your sub-conscious will start saying more positive things to you (you re-train your brain).

Good luck.... I know you can do it.

Hi Pand,

Yes I too think it's part of PTSD...Our thinking just gets screwed up, we start blaming ourselves, and then the low self esteem kicks in.

I guess it's just getting back to the positive stuff about yourself. Maybe try starting out with one thing that you like about yourself..Hair, eyes,nose,weight???? And start with the positive thinking about that one thing.....

It's hard to like all of yourself in the beginning, so start small if you feel overwhelmed.

I also think part of it is the way that women are perceived in today's society. Have you ever seen a 50 yr old model with cellulite, and wrinkles??? I bet not. All the ones that I see are in their 20's-30's and their photos have been airbrushed to remove any and all flaws. Perfection, and beauty, are just about crammed down our throats in every magazine, and on every billboard.....It's hard to have good self esteem and good self body image when it seems like perfection is the only way to go.

I don't like being naked with myself either. I am a woman that has had a 9lb 7oz child, by C Section. I have stretch marks, scars, and cellulite. So yup, I understand fully what you are talking about. Hard to overcome.....

Wendy

It is a lot of how society is now days that starts this line of thinking Pandora and it has been a huge issue for years. I think everyone deals with it to some degree all growing up and for most of there life.. its why there is SO much out there about diet programs. I don't think it helps much because this is something you really have to work on yourself personally to get over.. but I have been a massage therapist for 8 years now and I can truthfully say.. EVERYONE feels there is something about themselfs they don't like! If you can accept no one is perfect.. and everyone has some issue with themselves.. it can help knowing what you look like.. is normal! With good parts and a few parts you wish where different!

Not many guys want a drop dead beautifully perfect woman because then they feel they have no chance with them "they are out of their leage" and they will alwase worry they will not be able to keep someone who is too perfect for long. Being too thin is also very unatractive.. what guy wants to run his hands up and down a ribcage! LOL I think many females would be suprised how self consious guys are too... and they don't want the girl to be interested in them just because of how they look eather!

It just takes time and lots of talking to yourself to become comfortable with youself.. you can do little things like walk around your bedroom naked and get use to the feel LOL Little things like saying.. so my boobs sag.. so what!! lol Also try not being so serious about it.. being able to laugh a bit to yourself about your worries can really help the mental worry! No one is perfect but personally I wouldn't want to be perfect!!

I too had a child that was 9lbs 1/2 oz....and was up to about 210lbs when i delivered him. My stretch marks are horrific......they make me very self conscious. I worked out a lot after Devon anda lost all the weight. Now I am down to 135lbs...but still when my clothes are off...yuck. I have seen a lot of naked people (ha ha) because I am a nurse and i never once thought any differently about them. I really do NEED to start being my own friend again because I am the only one that thinks these negative things. Again...and I know you have said it too about my brother. He torrmented me about my weight all my life, even when I was fit. Nicknames.....chubby, then skinny. During his own wedding vows he was looking at me making the fat face ( no this is for real) You know when someone puffs their cheeks out at you. He was doing that during his own wedding ceremony. So again...I need to realize this is in the past. I just neeed to learn to love myself again , I know that. I have to continue to work on more positives, stop thinking about all the negative things I heard growing up and be my own best friend!
Thanx again for your support.

Oh Pandora, Hun, we can't all be air brushed supermodels. I remember being one of those people who said, "My goodness you are beautiful." And I remember your responce. We were chatting and you had your cam on. You said just that, "Yea Right." I too have self esteem issues. But dang! Wish I weighed even close to 135. After giving birth to three kids and living a pretty sedentary lifestyle for the past 9 years, I am normally over 200. Stretch marks are a thing of beauty in my oppinion because they are the marks of sacrifice we make as mothers to bear our children. My sister told me about a year ago, "Sis, you still look like a coca cola bottle, you just look like a two leter now instead of a 20 oz," I said, "gee thanks alot sis, what are you, a gallon!?" She shut up about my big womanness after that. Damn genetics! Damn American sedentary lifestyle!!! But back to you. You are beautiful both inside and in physical beauty. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Self, Marilyn's a pretty smart gal, she'd never steer ya wrong. Self, You are one heck of a beauty!" If you say it enough, I believe you'll begin to believe it. My X had me thinking I was the fattest ugliest thing on the planet. But ya know, I had to close my eyes to reality and believe him to see myself that way because I'm not ugly, nor am I extremely obiese. Take gentle care of yourself. Marilyn S.

During his own wedding vows he was looking at me making the fat face ( no this is for real) You know when someone puffs their cheeks out at you. He was doing that during his own wedding ceremony.

Pandora......Read what you wrote about your brother again..........

All I can think is....MY GOD it was his wedding. He was supposedly saying his wedding vows, and he was making faces at you....Hello.....That's sick.....He was sick, and probably still is....His attention should have been on his soon to be wife, and not making faces at you or anyone else.....Sick, sick, sick.....

Wen

I have to admit that made me giggle a little. I mean we should never care what a brother thinks. Just sounds like a very annoying big brother or a very typical little brother. All it did was answer my question about my boys as far as their sisters go... Will they ever grow up? Now I won't hold my breath.

Everyone, thank you!
Marilyn...what you said was very nice. I know i have to beleive it and the only way is to push the negative words and thoughts away. Some days.......harder than others but I know that I can't do anymore to help myself than what I am doing. i seem to be living, eating and breathing PTSD.

I too think it is sick...that is why i have not spoken to him in 2 years and I saw him very seldom in between the years previous, He is not healthy. he is nice to most people, like his friends but the way he speaks to me, his wife and my Mom is really sick, I too agree.

I don't know veiled I think if he got away with it for most of his life, without being shown the proper way to treat people, he just NEVER grew up, for real. He has no children at 43 and He and His wife deceided to NOT have children. I was so glad when I heard that. Take Care.