Thank you Grace, it is reassuring to know someone comprehends the difference. You explained yourself very well. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, we very much appreciate it.

Hi Kathy,
I am so sorry that my comments bring home again the difference between grieving for a child and grieving for some one else. You are so right in saying that 'unless some one has lost a child they will not understand it'. I honestly cannot even begin to imagine how you feel and I guess I am being extremely rude to think that I do to some degree. Please don't feel that this is because of your earlier post, it actually occured to me before I even read it. Again I am sorry for your loss and I do hope that in time it will get that little bit easier! I know it won't get much easier but just the same...
My thoughts are with you
Tammy

Kathy I am very sorry. I don't understand the greif you are going through, but helped my sister through her greif in losing her daughter. I am truly sorry.

Thank you Holly, I appreciate it.

Wednesday is Brian's birthday. Honestly I was hoping to forget about it entirely, especially with all the craziness in our house at the moment. However whilst eating supper tonight the children mentioned that they would like to have a kitchen party in his honour and share memories, as they had talked about a couple of weeks back. Jim expressed interest in participating with them. I am ashamed to say so, but I felt betrayed that my husband wanted to do this, rather than stay with me, as I still don't know if I feel up to the affair. I was quite nasty with him and left the table in tears. Things have been rather tense in the house as I say so perhaps this is just part of the aftermath. Everyone is now asking me if I am all right, however I simply want to be left alone this evening. Truly though, I feel guilty for my behaviour and I don't wish to be this type of wife and mother! I wish I could be happy about the kitchen party and Brian's birthday, however I am dreading the day and wish I could simply crawl under a rock somewhere until December 6.

I'm so sorry Mum. You shouldn't feel bad for what happened tonight. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If you don't want to do the kitchen party, I will stay with you. Maybe you and I can out and do something else... we hardly ever get to do anything alone.

Great idea Evie see if you can get out with Mum just the two of you even if only for a little while and have some girly time!

Yeah I think it's a good idea actually, the more I think about it. It's to Mum of course.

Kathy everyone grieves differently.. I personally can so understand the need to be alone to grieve and deal with something like his birthday. I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting and needing this and I think your family would understand if you didn't want to do what they wanted to do. I don't think you HAVE to all do the same things for every event that comes up as part of the process to get through these times. Whatever you need personally to do then that is what you should do... you don't always have to be the strong one and be there for the others to support them through tough times such as these. My heart goes out to all of you guys as you go through these tough times.

Thank you Damiea. I am uncertain what I am doing on Wednesday, however Evie's idea sounds lovely. We may spend part of the time at the kitchen party, and part alone. However I haven't yet decided.

my heart goes out to you and your family...you will be in my prayers tomorrow..I know how had those birthdays can be. take care