Kathy,
I just figured that by seeing it a different way, it takes the sting out of the comment. And I admit to posting it for your benefit and peace of mind, not for the person who posted the comment.
Ryair xxxxx

Kathy,

I have to admit that I've had a bit of a rough time with this particular thread. Dealing with the deaths of family members remains a tender spot for me. I'm sure it will always be that way to some degree.

I remember someone posting about talking openly about death and the person who died. I thought it was here...but I didn't see it. My sister was diagnosed with her terminal illness 12 years before she died. She was the one who changed my family and how they deal with death. She would speak openly and frankly about it instead of in quiet whispers or not at all like we always did before.

As difficult as it was to deal with my father unexpected death and then my sister's death a year later, I know that it would have been much harder if we all hadn't learned to speak openly and honestly about what was going on or what had happened.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but I just wanted to mention it in the hopes that maybe it could help you and yours.

Lisa

Thank you Lisa, much appreciated for your thoughts, especially as this is a difficult subject for you. I will perhaps comment more when I am a little less busy. Things are rather out of control at home right now! ;) Do take care of yourself.

Dear Kathy,
Regarding your post about what you called the insensitive comment posted here (one thing first, I do believe that if that is how you view t you are entitled to that POV) however I may be able to defend that comment to some degree. I am not saying that you shouldn't be upset by it, or the rest of your family for some matter, but perhaps the person who posted that comment meant it only to make Evie feel better. In Evie's post you mentioned earlier on, she does seem to feel really guilty about it 'not being her'. Perhaps the person who posted it was just trying to make her feel a little about better about herself and trying to decrease the amount of guilt she apeared to be feeling at the time. I am not saying it was the right thing to say but maybe that persn had good intentions at the time... Again I am not saying that you shouldn't feel incensed at the statement as I probably would be as well. I am sorry for your entire fmily at the loss of Brian. and I will post a poem shortly that may help you to grieve. I just hae to go and find it. It helped me a great deal when my grandmother passed away.

When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise to find eyes filled with tears for me,
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say,
I know how much you love me as much as I love you,
And everytime you think of me I know you'll miss me to,
But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready in heaven far above,
And I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly loved,
But as I turned to walk away a tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I'd always thought I didn't want to die,
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you,
I thought of all the yesterdays- the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had,
If I could relive yesterday I thought for just a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile,
But then I finally realised that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me,
And when I thought of wordly things that I'd miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow,
But when I walked through heaven's gate I felt so much at home,
When God looked down and smiled at me from upon his golden throne,
He said "this is eternity and all I've promised you,
Today your life on earth has passed but here it starts anew,
I promise no tomorrows on earth to anyone,
So many live each day so sure of seeing one more sun,
Yet each one knows that I will call and no one knows just when,
But they never stop and pray and ask forgiveness for their sin,
And many I have turned away so sad at heaven's gate,
For when I called they weren't prepared and it was much too late,
But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do,
But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free,
So won't you come and take my hand and share your life with me"...
So when tomorrow stars without me don't thnk we're far apart,
For everytime you think of me, I am right here in your heart.


I hope this helps to make you feel a little bit better, I know it helped me so I thought I would pass it on to you.

The poem is lovely Tammy. I haven't much else to say now as I am having a rather difficult couple of days with regards to Brian, but I do sincerely thank you for your thoughts.

Hang in there Kathy you are entitled to have difficult days!
I hope everything is as ok as it can be for you!

Thank you Jen. I often don't give myself permission to have off days so thank you for the encouragment, much appreciated. I am having a bit of a break from posting right now.

Good idea come back when you are ready!
Take it easy!
Jen

Tonight Jim and I went to a meeting of The Compassionate Friends. It is a support group for parents who have lost a child. It was our first time attending, as the meeting is an hours' drive from our home. Evie accompanied us as siblings are also welcome. It was a very good meeting, I felt very comfortable. And it was so very relieving to meet others who understand what we are going through.