Typical young family, my dad was an agressive buisness guy and my mom was to keep the house. Things started to get really nutty between my father and mother so he left in 86. My mother lied about my father from day one, saying he abandoned us and refused to pay child support (both lies). Many years later I learned that my mother tried to have my father killed. My grandfather on my mother's side stormed into my father's hotel room on his honeymoon at gunpoint with his new wife (early 90s).

Mother proceeded to have the house taken from her (my father signed the house into her name when he left) since she had no skills or education, moved from Rosedale into a rowhouse in baltimore city. Dirt poor my mother pawned her wedding ring to buy us presents one year for christmas. I really don't remember much at all about living in the city, I just remember we were broke and my mother would fight alot with my father. When we moved I continued to go to private school, which is consequently the only thing that saved me from total disaster since order and discipline were forced upon me. We were basically 'latch key kids' my older sister would watch us each day while my mom worked as a secretary. My father was ordered to pay 1000.00/month child support, which was siphoned off by my step father. He had two children from a previous marriage and also owed child support (this was his third marriage). My mother was already dating my step father before the divorce was final, and married him within a year.

My two sisters and I went to private school until 7th grade when my idiot mother asked me if I wanted to go to a public school. Being 12 years old at the time I consulted the only other real authority in my life (my 9 year old best friend) and decided to kick private school. It was a bad decision and an even worse decision for my bone-headed mother to wash herself of the responsibility of having a 12 year old make an important academic decision. Public school was utter shock and awe for me (after this point I was never able to establish any real relationships). I attended one of the worst middle schools in all of baltimore county (we moved to middle river in 93). I was mercilessly physically attacked, social attacked, and ostracized. Normally the family unit can help you get through tough times, but not when you are conditioned from birth not to 'make a fuss' or are plotted against if you 'choose' to talk about things that we 'don't approve'. Can't stress enough in our house that we didn't talk about anything. My mother requires complete and utter domination of her prey, heart and soul or you get thrown to the curb.

Towards the end of 8th grade 1993, I acquired mono and was seemingly tired for the next 8 months or so starting into high school. 93 was when I had an operation to correct my sternum's congenital deformity (pectus excavatum) and missed most of the school year and was home schooled. Most of high school was mared with physical and emotional aliments. I was 50/50 homeschooled and regular attendance. I would literally BEG my mother not to force me to go to school, but she would anyway. I was thoroughly conditioned with fear and terror to manipulate my thoughts, actions, and behaviors to suit my mother. I was nothing but a slave to my mother and her cabal of willing accomplices. This may seem hard to understand but I'm not exagerating.

Seems as if I had mono for all of high school. From 10th grade on I had a slip that could get me out of any class and allow me to rest in the nurses's office. I exercised this benefit on a regular basis. In 1995 I was injured playing basketball with friends. My nose was broken and I was briefly knocked out. Had the nose operated on the same year. The next year I had my nose operated on again, this time for nasal pollips.

Around 96 or so I started to see a phsyciatrist and therapist basically to get me to shut up since I was visibly upset and was tired of being lied to and controlled. I've been on elavil trazadone paxil prozac zoloft effexor ritalin klonopin buspar wellburtin depakote neurontin ambien adderall and possibly more but I'm not sure. In 1998 I had neruosurgery to correct a congential deformity at the base of my skull (chiari malformation type 2). Also in the same year I was taken to the hospital for alcohol posioning - a cry for help which went ignored. In early 99 I started speaking with my father to learn the truth. Finally after some time I built up the courage to tell my mother I was moving in with him. She told me to "get out of my ****ing face" and she (along with my now brother in law) put my belongings into my 88 Plymouth Sundance and told me not to come back.

Thigns only became worse for me once had moved out. When you are phsycologically abused in secret for over ten years, it starts to show itself in all kinds of crazy ways. Often times I would hide under the bed or in the closet, sometimes for hours. Would pound on the trees outside with a baseball bat and break my personal belongings to vent my anger. Ripped my door off the hinges and then punched through the new one. Almost broke the glass door at the dr's office because my eye glasses weren't ready when they said they would be.

I was 6'1" and 135 pounds (concentration camp healthy). Emaciated and full of pure rage, anger, and shame I basically started my life over. I had to sever all ties with anyone I knew before (my 'friends', who really werent) except for my best friend. I left everything behind and had new furniture, clothes, and a new used car after the horribly dangerous car my mother bought me rendered me upside down in the middle of the road one day in 2000. The car had bald tired and worn rotors and the car shook when I applied the brakes. Step father told me 'that is normal' so I assumed as such. Neither of my sisters would have ever been given such a dangerous car. In retrospect I actually believe my mother may have been trying to either have me killed or severly incapacitated via that car, since my dissent was so vocal (make an example out of me).

Went to physical therapy for 3 months straight 5 days a week to correct my horrible posture and build strength since I was so weak and frail. In 01 I was sentenced to restitution for stolen goods and 100 hours of community service for a crime I did not commit. Someone stole my password for the computer at the local radio shack where I was working and illegally charged products using my code. I hired a lawyer and the radio shack management lied straight to the judge. In 02 I was arrested and charged with DUI even after a negative drug screen and 0.00 breathalizer test. Spent the night in jail for no reason. They dropped all charges a week before trial except for unsafe lane changing. In 04 I lost my best job to date selling wireless phones due to sexual harrassment (3rd time).

In 04 I moved to PA and completely severed all ties from humanity for 4 months. I wouldn't even get the mail or pay my cable bill; I would just have pizza sent to the house and would only go outside at night. In 05 I movred in with friends in, that lasted about 8 months until they asked me to leave. Moved back in with my mother after my father rejected allowing me to move in with him even though I pretty much begged him. In 07 I snuck out my my mother's house in the middle of the night and moved in with a friend in baltimore city. Since august 06 I've been unemployed. This may sound strange but when you are conditioned to 'eat shit AND like it' you will tolerate agony and continue going on with life when others couldn't fathom it. Plus no one else can 'see' what is wrong with you unless you can articulate it in a way that they can understand. They may equate your actions with irresponsiblity or weakness, and that REALLY makes me angry. I'm at the point now where what I really need IS A SAFE PLACE (a place where I FEEL SAFE, and I DEFINE what safe is TO ME) to live, and to allow me to build from there.

In the past 10 years I have been to 4 different physical therapists, 6 different psycho-therapists, 2 different psychiatrist, have had over ten different jobs, attended 4 different colleges, and moved 6 times. This is just what I can think of off the top of my head.