I've been pondering all day what to post as an intro... don't want to discourage anyone so I have to word this properly.

My name is m1. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 14. My father immediately made me discontinue seeing the psychiatrist at that point... cause... you know... Dad didn't want any bad press. ;) The problems had to be alll about me... or not acknowledged at all.

I sat in stasis (okay... self destructive not so stasis) for 4 years and then moved out 4 days after I turned 18.

At the age of 20 I went to work to deal with it... all of it... I worked hard for many years... therapy, self help, ripping off the scabs and poking at the maggots to deal with all of it.

I did good. I worked hard and I was rewarded for my efforts.

I have done well for over 10 years.

And now, here I am again. It's back.

I know why it's back. I'm surprised yes... but not mystified. I cant figured out if I am sad or pissed off.

I guess no one ever told me "it never fully goes away".

That wasn't in the brochure.

Then again.... there was no brochure to begin with...

I want my damn money back.

But still.... no one told me it's like malaria... that if you dont take GOOD care of yourself.... it can and will come back.

I don't want anyone to be discouraged by this. In fact... I hope people look at it as an inspiration for the opposit.

I don't know if I, somewhere along the line, got lazy or careless or.... I don't know. I guess I thought I was cured.

I wasnt. It took a special circumstance and a horrible person to bring it all back, but back indeed it came.

Now I have a bunch of work to do AGAIN. It's been just long enough that I feel like I lost that "tool box". Gotta rummage through the past and the present and find the tools again.

All those years ago, there was NOTHING like this site to help out.

How wonderful to have this new bow in the quiver.

m1
p.s. The nightmares started two weeks ago...that was my big ole wake-up call to what I was dealing with... and I am doing EVERYTHING WRONG in the book dealing with this. That's the bad news. The good news is I am reading everything here on this site and realizing it so I can fix it. The other good news is... I dont own a white flag.

Welcome to the forum m1. I like your attitude.

bec

Welcome to the forum.

Hi M1, welcome to the forum.

Hi m1, welcome.

welcome to the forum m1

Hi M1
Yeah, recovery is a process, not an event and indeed it is life long - by the sounds of your post you have some incredible strength. May you find what you need amongst these stories, don't hesitate to send some PM's to reveal your story.

Unfortunately, we can never deny, forget or otherwise erase our past...but we do need to find ways to make peace with it so that we can enjoy the present.