I have a critical person inside my head. She's been dubbed "The B!tch" and I have only recently realised that I have this part of me in this way. 'The B!tch" is not always there, but whenever I am dealing with something difficult this self-hating/over-protective B!tch enters without fail. I am then faced with criticism and am confused with thoughts like "you are over reacting" or "it's no big deal" and then "no one would believe you anyway", or "you can trust no one"- particularly in therapy. I have noticed this 'person' inside my head often contradicts herself just to get me to comply. It is like I am held back by this total mistrust and not daring to 'go there'. If I ignore it, I am then left dealing with a tirade of mental self-abuse. "The B!tch" doesn't like me to do anything different, and stops me from talking (even thinking sometimes) about things that I know I need to talk or think about. The real self-hater in me.

I dunno this probably all sounds totally weird and is a stupid poll (there she goes...)! Just wondering if anyone notices that they a) have this mistrusting self blaming thing inside their head every time they try to deal with trauma, and b) if anybody like me sees it almost as 'another' person that comes in just to stop me from doing what i need to do to get better?

Oh my Lisa! You could have been writing about what goes on in my head constantly. I used to tell my doctor that there are two sides of me. The emotional side - weak. And the unfeeling side - strong. I was on medication last year (mood stabilizer lamictal for bipolar II-which now is looking to me like ptsd)that allowed my emotional side to become stronger. I took myself off of it. My unfeeling side wasn't going to let that happen. She doesn't show any emotion. I have been dominated by the unfeeling side ever since. She is my protector.

I know that I should be sharing different aspects about my abusive childhood, but "she" tells me that I deserved it. So, my therapy sessions go in circles sometimes.

You are definitely not alone. I almost felt like I had a split personality-but talked myself right out of that because I know when they are fighting against eachother. Actually the emotional side doesn't fight, she just takes it from the unfeeling side, and gives in.

I wanted to take the poll, but it isn't allowing me. So I am verbally saying "yes".

nor

I voted yes, however I wished there was a middle option to vote "sometimes", because lately I am having longer periods without this critical individual inside of me. But I definitely can relate too Lisa!

ah sorry I didnt think of a sometimes option - maybe one of the editors or anthony can stick it in? I dont know if i can....

But thanks for the replies guys, nice to know Im not alone

Cheers.

One of the editors can, I had someone (I think Anthony) fix a poll for me once. You could PM one of them and ask them to do it, in case they don't read this.

God, yes. My therapist has nicknamed mine "Sergeant Major". SM is unrelenting in it's criticism. It sounds like SM & B!tch would get along very well indeed!

Basically nothing I do is good enough, I'm an attention seeker, overly dramatic, lazy, ungrateful, failure.

Also don't trust anyone, no one believes you etc. It doesn't like my therapist. I think it's intent on isolating me and preventing me from getting help or doing the work I need to do.

But as Batgirl said, I would now say 'sometimes' as I've worked to reduce its hold on me.

Awakening... SM and B!tch certainly do get on by the sounds of it. My therapist asked me if I reason with her.... I blinked at him and said "have you ever tried reasoning with an unreasonable b!tch?" lol. I saw his point though, and he saw mine.

I'm very glad you both would say sometimes (that option is coming). I'm working on that.

I used to have this nasty, cruel creature that lived in my head and criticized and critiqued everything I did or said. It sounded a lot like my father. But since I've been healing, this voice only pops up occasionally at times of high stress.

It's been so nice to be able to shut that voice up!!!!!

BTW-voted sometimes. Thanks for the addition, Lisa

Lisa

Great poll, Lisa.

I definitely have a self-critical, hateful voice in my head. I always thought it was a part of me, but my counselor has been suggesting that I call it my abuser's voice (I still hear all the stuff that he used to say to hurt me). I guess so I can say that my voice is different, that the self-hating part of me was implanted by him and I don't have to keep it. Sometimes it feels like my whole family is in there, like a Greek Chorus in a tragedy! I am getting better at noticing when the voice switches on and I can even sometimes argue back with it.

Yep, I was just writing about this in my diary today. I'm working on talking back to it and realizing it comes from my abusers, too.