Agree with Kathy Tam, and I know you personally so I can definitely back up that statement. Alex needs to admit where he is wrong, when his is wrong, put his pride back in check and sometimes fight past pride and male ego to just talk it out. He did it on course, no reason he can't continue it if he chooses too. He is simply choosing not to talk honestly about what he feels, instead show anger. Put the iceberg of emotion back in front of him again!

ok so to catch up a little...

We had an appt with Alex's solicitor yesterday and I believe that it went quite well. We asked him about the $64 000 that MCRS asked us to accept and he said whilst he cannot actually tell uswhat to doin regards to that, he pointed out that that amount is only equivalentto 22yrs of their payments to Alex, whereas if we stick with the 90 a fortnight after tax, they have to pay him til he is 65! We had previously asked MCRS to put that offer in writing and we are still waiting for that, we should receive it some time this week. The solicitor said that we should tell them we would accept 150 000 to allow them to haggle an amount we see as fitting. He also filled out some forms with Alex to claim the lump sum compensation payment and he was sending that off yesterday afternoon. He also told me to approach centrelink and apply for the carers payment- I wasnt even aware I was entitled to it, but he is adamant I am.

After he left and due to some of his comments, Alex was quite angry and we had a bit of a fight about him working in the future. Eventually he admitted to being scared of going back to work because 'what if he tries and fails' and he admitted to being scared of not being as close to the boys if/ when he does go back to work. I told him that me and the boys will love him anyway, but I said that I didnt know what to tell him and that he should talk to the psyche about it next week. He then admitted to being terrified of the EMDR therapy and it stuffing up and him ending up in the mental health unit,and again I told him it was his decision and that I would support him no matter what he chose.

Can anyone tell me if this is right thing to do or give me some advice on how to handle the situation better.

sorryabout that, Alex distracted me and I have no idea howI posted that twice. Sorry guys...

No harm done Tammy. The duplicate post was edited. Regarding the situation with Alex, as I am not in Australia I am uncertain how to comment, however I believe you should try to fight for the largest amount of money obviously. And yes here in Canada we also have a benefit for carers of adults with disabilities. As Alex has a recognized disability you should be entitled to the payments.

Is Alex now prepared and ready to return to work, or are these simply some thoughts he is having of the future? Perhaps some negative thinking as the meeting upset him and he is worried about therapy? In any event I believe you did the right thing Tammy, saying you would support whatever decision he makes. You are doing very well as a carer.

Apparently Alex's Dr at the moment is a psychologist and before he can return to work he has to get permission from a psychiatrist; MCRS has only sent us to the psychologist though. So at the moment, returning to work is not an imminent prospect but the solicitor mentioned something about mind frames and he said that Alex has to believe that one day he will return to working... I think it was just stress!

We are still waiting for the letter from MCRS stating the ins and outs of this payout, but after talking to the solicitor we are definitely going to ask for more.

Thank you heaps for saying I am doing a good job; it's nice to hear it from someone who doesn't 'have' to say it.

Tammy

Ah. Yes I can see where the solicitor mentioning mind frames in such a manner might cause upset for Alex. At least, to use my Evie as an example, she would certainly take such comments seriously and possibly the wrong way. I could easily see her thinking the solicitor was either a) putting pressure on her to go back to work or, b) saying she could go back to work immediately if only she would think in a different way. Therefore she would conclude it is all her fault she is not working, she was a "loser", and she would be catastrophizing about the future, stressed and irritable as a result.

I am very serious when I say I believe you are doing a good job Tammy. It is very refreshing to see, as for whatever reason, so many carers do not do the necessary work to educate themselves and help their loved ones. Truly I wish you and Alex all the best!

Yep, that is generally the way Tam... the payout whilst a lumpsum is typically not fitting to possible lifetime age. If Alex where 50 for example, they may only offer him a few thousand ie. 5 years worth, even though he will likely live beyond 65. Be careful with lumpsum offers, they are not in your favour.

Hi all,
well we are still waiting for the letter from MCRS to explain the payout better; due to Alex talking to them by himself I am unsure exactly what is involved, but this letter should clear a few things up.

As I said, we will not be accepting any payment that will be 'unfair' to us and our future. I guess I will just have to keep waiting for this letter... if it ever comes.

Thanks Kathy for explaining how Evie may perceive such comments. I know that Alex believes that I am 'pressuring' him whenever I speak to him about working in the future. Sometimes he even gets angry about it! But honestly I am not trying to pressure him, I just don't want him to feel as though he is less of a man because he cannot work right now. I do agree with his solicitor though that he does have to believe he will one day work again or he will be stuck in a rut he simply cannot work his way out of.

Thanks again everyone for the support and the encouragement.
Tammy

ok, well we finally got the long awaited letter from MCRS and I am a little disappointed and still very confused! The letter says that they will pay us very close to 64000 but that 23810 goes straight to tax! this payout will in no way affect Alex's comsuper payments and if he started work the day after he accepted it, he still would not owe them anything. However, as I am receiving centrelink benefits, his income estimate would become 99810. Which means that my payments, which at present are 415 per fortnight, will go down to 165 per fortnight. I tried to find information about whether we would be able to claim the majority of this money back on tax but no one can tell me anything unless I pay them between 80 and 250 an hour to tell me!

If there is anyone on the forum who has accepted a payout such as this one, or knows of some one who has, can you please let me know what happened to the tax side of things. I was told that because it is a lump sum it is taxed at a different rate on the tax return than when MCRS calculates it... We are still thinking about accepting this money as Alex still has quite a few debts to clear and I have a personal loan that I would love to finally be free of. It would also help with the cost of miving when our lease expires on the 26th January, and we would save the rest for when he gets the compensation payout so that we could use it as a deposit for a house! Can anyone here tell me what they would do in this situation? or tell me whether I will get any of this tax back, because if I won't get any back then I dont think it would be right to accept this payment because in effect we would recieve just under 39000. PLease let me know what you would do? As I have no idea what to do with this situation!
Thanks
Tammy

I am not able to advise you Tammy, however I am "bumping" this thread (a term I just learned from Evie!) in the hopes that it will get read by someone else and commented on. I am sorry though things are not working out as well as you hoped.