Same Old Thing - Hubby Going Backward Again - Page 6

becvan · #51 10-11-2007, 02:44 PM

Hehe, not saying any of it is not valid. He's being stubborn about not getting hired help if you ask me.. Just trying to explain why we have such a hard time with the waking up thing.. If only there were easy answers eh? ;)

bec

batgirl · #52 10-11-2007, 02:54 PM

Yeah I do get your point Bec, and you explained it really well. I shouldn't speak for Mum but she has spoken for me before lol so here goes. Mum and Dad are both morning people and so am I, so is everyone in our family actually as far as I know. Sleeping in until 8 am is late for me unless I'm really ill, I'm usually up at 6 am, and Mum and Dad before then! Additionally I'm not on medication so I'm not really difficult to wake up. So maybe Mum you don't relate so much because no one in our family is very hard to wake up?

Maybe though Jen, your husband is on meds? That might be why he has trouble? I know when I have been on stuff it's been a bitch to wake up. I don't even try. He is being stubborn though, you're right Bec. He should just let someone work for him in the mornings...

Jen · #53 10-11-2007, 03:29 PM

Thanks guys its good to see from a sufferers point of view at how hard it is to wake up yes he is on meds.
This has been going on for years and it wears a bit thin after a while I know I need to put up with it as it is obvious to me that he doesnt want help he has had PTSD clinics and counselling he has had so many offers of help and just doesnt seem to want this help?
Here I am typing this at 3.30pm on a Saturday and he is still in bed.
As for being stubborn about hiring help I think so to!
He has a real problem accepting help from people but this is me accepting help as well not just him!
I think over the Xmas break I will look in to getting someone as you said even if they just do the mornings.

Kathy · #54 11-11-2007, 01:47 AM

Very valid points Bec and Evie, thank you for sharing them. Bec, I apologize if I personally appeared insensitive in this matter, it was not my intent. What you said about sleep was very valid and I suppose I do need to be less judgemental in some instances. I admit it does get rather frustrating at times, however I often try to impress upon others that PTSD is an illness, so I should likely take my own advice!

Evie you also make a good point in that we are all morning people.

Jen, I believe that is a good idea, getting someone for mornings only if possible. I can't imagine one morning a week would be terribly costly for you. To reiterate, it really is unfair to you to otherwise in my opinion, though your husband is ill he does have options in this case and simply refuses to take them! He is putting you in a difficult spot and that is the part I believe is selfish.

becvan · #55 11-11-2007, 03:23 AM

No apology necessary. I will admit, I'm a bit grumpy the last few days! ;) My tone probably sounds much harsher than I mean it too.... lol *sticks out tongue at you morning people*

Jen, I really wouldn't give him a choice on this. I know that sounds mean but he's being stubborn and it's hurting you. That is not right (no matter how ill we are) and very unfair to you!

bec

Kathy · #56 11-11-2007, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by becvan

I will admit, I'm a bit grumpy the last few days! ;)

Absolutely, entirely understandable Bec, considering everything you are going through at the moment. I did not think you sounded harsh, please continue to share whenever you wish, it is most helpful to hear the sufferers' viewpoints. I am constantly learning new bits of information from all of you and I am most grateful for that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by becvan

*sticks out tongue at you morning people*

Yes, we morning people are a very interesting and somewhat annoying breed, or so I'm told!

Jen · #57 11-11-2007, 08:44 AM

Thanks guys I do appreciate getting an insight in to the sufferers point of view!
Do you think the reason he is being stubborn is a case of self esteem as well? If I get someone in to do the morning shift am I taking away that one reason that he needs to get out of bed that one day of the week?
Because what it boils down to is the only reason I need someone is because he cant get out of bed.

This may upset people but it is not my intention please understand that!

A lot of people in my life as in social life and work life do not know about PTSD as how it can affect families so if people ask where is hubby why isnt he helping you I say.
"Oh he is not well today" It does get embarrassing to try to explain to people even my friends that we cant do things together because he cant get out of bed? Thats why I need my one day a week away with friends as it gets lonely around here both kids have left home and its only the two of us!
Sorry that was a bit of a ramble!

batgirl · #58 11-11-2007, 09:10 AM

Jen, can't you just tell people he has PTSD and explain to them what that entails? Not everyone obviously, but some of the people you know well? I mean, as long as your husband doesn't mind people knowing. I think you might be surprised, if you explain that it's an actual brain condition and not just laziness, people may understand better than you think. You might actually be able to get more support that way.

Jen · #59 11-11-2007, 07:47 PM

Hi Evie
Thanks for your input it is appreciated! My friends know he has PTSD but I really dont think they know and understand what it is.
The older generation as in my parents dont seem to be able to understand that PTSD can lay people up like it does?

Kathy · #60 13-11-2007, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jen

The older generation as in my parents dont seem to be able to understand that PTSD can lay people up like it does?

I do agree Jen, I have found the older members of our family do not quite understand it either. We suspect Jim's father had PTSD, after serving in the Korean War. After coming home he could never work again and effectively drank himself to death. The older members of the family who are still living continue to view Joseph as a weak man and an embarrassment to the family. Jim's mother, up until her death, continued to refer to Joseph as "lazy" and "nutty in the head". It is unfortunate however it seems to be common in that generation. I believe perhaps because our parents, in North America at least, lived through The Great Depression, WW2 and all the sacrifices that it entailed, food rationing and so on, and it made them very strong and self-sufficient. So they don't understand when some are not so "strong". At least that is my take on it.