I HAVE HAD PTSD FOR A GOOD WHILE NOW AND IT IS GOOD TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE . BIG RESPECT TO ALL PARTICIPANTS AND CREATORS OF THE SITE. I HAVE JUST STARTED TO COME OUT OF ANOTHER BIG BLACK HOLE WITH MY DEPRESSION AND AM FEELING MORE POSITIVE THAN I HAVE FOR A WHILE. NOW THOUGH , TO START LIVING AGAIN , ILL HAVE TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH MY NERVES AND TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WHICH I NOW FIND VERY DIFFICULT. ITS GOOD NOW TO HAVE SOME PLACE TO TURN. PS. I BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WHO SUFFER AS WE DO ARE THE MOST SENSITIVE, CARING , BRAVE,(I HOPE TO PROVE THIS) AND COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE WHICH IS WHY WE TAKE ALL OUR ANGER AND AGGRESSION OUT ON OURSELVES.

Hi Resurrection, welcome to the forum.

Please do not use all Capital letters, as it portrays "shouting" when posting on line.

Thanks and welcome!

bec

I was just being lazy

Hehe, it's okay. Most people do not realize that simple things like capital letters or bold can portray a tone or emotion when posting. We all gotta learn somehow!

bec

Hi resurrection and welcome. I'm fairly new as well.

Peace
Tammy

I guess looking back it all started when my mum died when I was 17 and all the care and love went out of my life. Some of my mates stated experimenting with drugs and being an idiot teenager ,trying to be a big man , I went along with it like a sheep.Started in the usual way , hash,then LSD, I had a bad trip which is the scariest thing Ive ever been through, even now. It was like I WAS still in that mindset a year later. I felt likeI HAD become distanced from everyone and everything,in a constant state of anxiety and was going through the motions of trying to appear sane. Being proud I couldnt tell anyone how I was feeling AND decided to go to my doctor. Within about 10 minutes I was on PROZAC.It did help at first but I WAS still taking loads of drugs and beer and had started taking SPEED (at the time there was a lot of other stuff going on, I was messing up my honours degree,I had left my family home,and most important of all, my football team was being relegated (my passion) )

Hi Resurrection,

Nice to hear from you. Your description of PTSD sufferers as sensitive, caring, brave and compassionate was very kind. I agree that we do take much of our anger out on ourselves. That is the reason I have taken the quote "Do unto others as you would do to you" to "Do unto myself as I would do to others" I am learning to that if I treat myself with loving kindess, I will treat others with loving kindness. PTSD may always be a part of my life, but I am going to fight it as hard as I can. I want to trust, I want to love, and I want to live life as it was meant to be lived.

vst

I think youve put how I feel , better than I ever could. Thanks, good luck and COME ON!

How do you add to / edit your own post or thread? please help

I was taking speed and drinking heavily each day for the next few months (on PROZAC I seemed to think I was indestructible , I thought I was having a good time but all I was doing was self destructing and becoming selfish) to the point where I became addicted. To cut a long story short the people who I was getting the drugs from along with one of my so called mates talked me into doing something criminal when I wasnt thinking straight. I had a breakdown coz of this and tried to kill myself( I just couldnt live with myself and every instinct in me told me this was the only thing left to do) numerous times. I then became clinically depressed and left my house only about 4 times in a year and a half . At this point I was staying with my brother but I couldnt tell him what I had done coz of shame(though it seems so trivial now , but I was only young and naive). I belive I got PTSD during this time, no one even asked what was wrong , friends or family ( I had gone from a confident , passionate person into a total asocial recluse) and by the end of this period they were even playing mind games with me which is not paranoia coz 1 of them admitted it 10 years later, namely my brother ( it seems revenge is best served cold ). From there on in I have been a nervous wreck and have had no help from my family who seem to think it funny (jealousy is a terrible thing and I pity them). I did manage to get a job at 1 point which I lasted in for nearly 2 years but I felt jumpy and nervous around people and emotionally retarded. I got suspended fom my job 4 being aggressive and spent the next few months after this drinking heavily each day and running up huge debts with loans and credit cards. At the end of this time I had also become homeless and felt totally empty inside. I then decided to throw myself off my local bridge but thankfully now, was saved by 4 inches of concrete. 4 years on I am beginning to feel better and with your help and support , intend on helping others with their drink , drug and depression problems. ps thanks for listening and if you live in Scotland could you please tell me how I can get quality help.