Loving myself is something i know I still have to work on at least when I look in the mirror I don't say I hate you anymore and I really try to be nice to myself but today......I really do feel broken.

I really don't know what I did wrong...he knew from day one about my PTSD and back problems and then this. He has my heating pad at his house and won't return my calls and I REALLY don't know how to explain this. I don't want to bother him but I think I deserve more respect than this. I was only ever nice to him, we never had harsh words and the times together were fun! Makes no sense to me at all that is what is making it so much more confusing.

Pand,

This is my advice to you right now....STOP calling him. Do not lower yourself. Go and buy another heating pad. But do not call him again. It's only hurting you, and you are setting yourself up for more hurt each time he refuses to call you back. I know it's hard but please don't call him again..........You are so much more worthy of better treatment than what he has given you lately.....

Try to be strong right now.....

Thanx she cat....but it is a really expensive pad and I am oh so broke.....because I paid for both out holloween costumes for last friday night (two nights before he broke up with me.....LOL....makes no sense and Devons birthday and party were this month, I am financially broke but......my criminal injuries decision should be in this week. That is positive!!!!!

also don't forget that in any relationship your hormones are all out of wack.. its part of being human.. so some of what you are feeling and going through are what everyone feels when upset over a relationship!

Well......I am not going to go get anything. I deserve better treatment than this. He finally messaged me...I know he is grieving...My GOD....I understand grief but I deserve better...I know I do. I just feel so messed up right now.

I refuse to go to funerals unless I knew the person very well. If I do go as a comfort for a friend, I never go beyond the foyer of it. If this is too much for you don't even bother going.
Ask yourself, would you put someone in jeopardy, just to be a comfort for you? And jeopardy I mean causing an effect that could create a path to a flashback?
If the answer is no, be your own best friend and forbid anything in your life that would cause jeopardy for you.
If others don't get it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,screw um for not understanding,,,,,,,,,,,,and don't riddle yourself with guilt that is not going to help you, but eliminate you from moving forward.
What would the most endearing person from your childhood do, if they were the one to make the ultimate decision?
Don't be so hard on yourself.
And hopefully in the future you will be able to use the glorious word no, way before you start getting yourself into a fit.
The quicker the word no is used, the less trauma and stagnant behavior will intrude on you.
hope this helps,,,

This whole episode has my PTSD symptoms worse right now. i know it will pass but I feel so emotionally exhausted and hurt.

Hey Pandora,

Are you feeling better today?

vst

Well...thank you for asking...I finally slept about 7 hours straight so I think I am a bit better today....I just have to think positive and not so negative. I think never dating again (or at least for a very long time) will also help. I just have to work on me and be the best mother to my son. This has turned me off of men completely. The increase in my symptoms is really making me crazy but I am hoping this overwelming feeling sadness goes away soon. Thanx again for asking...that was very nice of you.