Hi, I'm New and Trying To Figure Out Why I Have PTSD

EmoxxKid · #1 19-10-2007, 07:26 AM

Hey,
My name is Geneva and I have just been told I have PTSD (along with many other things...)

I....am really new to all of this. Not so much to metal illness but.....to knowing that I have PTSD.

I guess I am trying to understand more about it....

I mean I have read so much in so many places about the deal but....I still don't really understand why it is that I have it...or what caused it per say.

I have a really...intresting up bringing I guess. Not so much wrose than anyone else's.

My mother was a very sick person. She was a paraniod Skizo. My father was a very pissed off drunk.

I am pretty sure I was sexually abused before the age of 5 and perhaps there after....for whatever reasons I can't remeber everything.

Sometimes I wish I could....most times I rethink that want...and don't.

In the last year I was put in the hospital and told I have major depression and some other type aswell. I also have GAD. I was told aswell that I have BPD.

I guess...this is just my introduction....

I don't know really what I am asking.....I just...want to know how my mother and father affected me enough to ....have the life I have right now.

Uh....some of the things I suffer from are being hypervigalent. I am very depressed at times. I cut. I sometimes don't feel like I am even here.....I feel distant. I have a very....very hard time losing people...even if they are just going to the store sometimes...or if my girlfriend goes to work.....simple stuff. I can't hold a job...even though I do have talent. I am a chef...and held a job for a long while.

I don't think I here things...but I here everything.....I don't even know if that makes any kinda sense...Everything is harder before I go to sleep...and right when I wake up....

My whole childhood I watched my mom talk to herself, she thought she was like the queen or something. She really was a nut case....she was never a mom...she just kinda hung out. I am pretty sure my dad kept her around for the SSI check to be real honest. My mom was in and out of the ward....most her life. She went missing more than one time. I even thought...in my heart my dad killed her one time. Her and him faught so much ....I guess it seemed right.

My father......*sighs*...

He had this best friend....who also slept with my mother. He was a real...smooth kat...I am pretty sure that he molested me. I won't go into details but.....I am just pretty sure.

My father didn't know about this until last x-mas. I am now a 22 yearold women....I guess I felt like I had waited enough.

I don't like my father. I do love him however....
He was a very pissed off man. He drank...alot....all the time. He was verbally abusive to just about no end. I was (and still am over wieght) and he made sure I knew it. I am also a lesbian...and he caught on to that at a early age as well.

I could say alot more I guess....but there is not really a point. I kinda feel like I need to keep talking in order to give the correct information so someone....somewhere could help me understand ...me I guess. Or even...why and what events would have caused PTSD.

Sorry for the long writing...I promise it wont be this long again.....

Thanks,

Geneva