New here & already posted in the Intro!

Long story ok... I suffer from Combat PTSD/Major Depression from War and Emergency Services work.

I work nights basically alone as a Data Center Analyst. No politics or bosses around to mess with my mind.

When I do meet with the boss maybe a few times a month I usually don't say anything and listen to what he's saying for a few minutes than I start thing about choking him out.

Last week I blew up about a payroll issue that has messed my paycheck up at least 5 times this past year.

Anyways he has excuses for everything and I just lost it and spouted out some 4 letter words and pounded his cubicle and walked away before it got worse. Well I was written up for this which was ok, he took it to our Director and then HR and made a big deal about it. This Dude is out to fire me and I have a large family to take care of. Some vets have encouraged me to try and get IU and not work. See I need to get away from my family sometimes or I will go postal big time. My life is work night alone and sleep with some periods of time with the wife and kids. All I want to do is be left alone ! I do my job and I dont go the extra mile for some Company that could care less and fire me at any moment.

Another thing is I am going through Med changes getting off Zoloft and using Celexa. I think thats the brand names.

Anyways some of Y'all maybe able to relate to the things I'm saying and I just needed to get this off my chest.

Peace Out!

Hi Marine,

Hang in there...I know it can be so hard to deal with work sh**, especially when you're going through med changes. Take care.

Hodge

Do you think if you told him you were under a lot of stress and apologized he will leave you alone. I know when I yell at someone out of anger, once I calm down I tell them I'm sorry and they are usually OK with it. Everyone loses their cool, even people without PTSD so I feel most people would forgive you.

Peace
Tammy

Hi Marine,

Welcome to the forum.....

As far as your anger issues go......Are you in therapy????

If you truly feel that you will go postal, I really would think that therapy, anger management classes, and or possibly hospitalization would be in order.

I give you credit that you recognize your issues and are seeking out ways to help yourself...Good job!!!!!

The anger issue is a tough on to deal with, I wish you all the best....

Wendy

Thanks Y'all !

I was in the Hospital a few years back and also on sick leave while I changed meds last year. The Company knows I have PTSD. I'm sure my boss knows also. Thats not a good thing! What ever you do dont let your job know anything. I didn't tell them but when I filed for FMLA twice in the past few years, HR wanted a reason and the VA gave them my info. Great right! Nope. These days anyone working with mental issues it scares the business. They are afraid of someone going on a shooting spree.

As for Therapy. Yes I was in 1 on 1 sessions and then my counsler recommended group after almost 2 yrs. I went to one group meeting and just couldn't handle it. So its been about 9 months since I had any kind of therapy. I go every 3 months for Med checkups.

Here's another subject. I do not want to go back to the Physc Ward again. It was totally messed up. Your stuck in a group of people who suffer from all kinds of mental issues. I was ready to beat the heck outa some of them and thought about escaping. I was only there about 7 days, I did what I was told the Docs what they wanted to hear so I could get outa that place.

I'm kinda scared about going back to therapy, cause I know they will send me away for 3 or 4 months to another place and I would lose my job or paychecks. I know the VA will pay me if I go but my wife cannot handle another thing like that. Taking care of 6 children on here own. Imagine that!

Family helping out is not a option. They all live thousands of miles away and have health problems, work and kids to take care of themselves.

So I stew in this stuff everyday with a shotgun in my mind to solve the issue, but cannot do that to my family.

If the VA could help out my wife and kids someway I would go away for help. The VA has big problems these days and dont see getting any help with that. If they have any help it would probably take a year to get approved....

I think you can make a request for an accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Once you make the request they can't just fire you until the accommodation is either provided or denied. Honestly, it can take anywhere from 30 to 120 days to properly accommodate a disability. Sometimes faster, sometimes longer. And if you make the request and are fired without a formal proceeding on the ADA request, you might have legal recourse. And think of the flak the employer gets for firing a disabled vet that asks for an accommodation under the ADA?


I think you should try this. Contact the US Dept. of Justice and find out who in your area to discuss your case with regarding the ADA as well as your VA case worker.

CJ has given you some pretty good advice to start with. I will just say this. Although you feel that the hospital is full of people with mental issues......You also have those issues. PTSD is NOTHING to just fluff off. It's real, and it's dangerous to you, and those around you.

You're afraid of going into therapy....Do you think that the PTSD will just go away?? It won't...

You do have options, they aren't great, it will suck, your family may have to suffer some inconveniences, and it will be hard....

My suggestions still stand. Therapy, hospitalization and anger management classes. Also reading as much here as you can, starting a trauma diary, and talking about the trauma....

You can't push this stuff down forever, it eventually rears it's ugly head and bites you square on the ass...

I can identify with the anger/rage and wanting to isolate. For me when I want to isolate from everyone it is a sign that I'm in the beginning stages of a full blown episode. The anger is a catch 22. It doesn't take a lot for me to get angry, and then I'm angry because someone made me anger, and then I'm angry at myself for reacting in ways that I wish I hadn't etc.

I've been diagnosed with PTSD for about 15 years or so now. I've found that all of my PTSD symptoms are secondary emotions. Even when I have a legitimate reason to be angry my anger turns into rage because the root feelings behind it gets set off.

I go into survival mode. It's automatic and the adrenaline kicks in within milliseconds, and it zaps me of every right thinking ability that I have. Especially when I perceive that someone is acting arrogant and condescending towards me. Like a boss might do.

There are three things that I'm working hard on in my life. I know that my symptoms are just that symptoms. I try to identify the root emotion that triggers my symptoms. Like fear as an example. The reason that I find that fear is such a problem for me is that fear is what puts me in survival mode.

What I try to do is...

1. Remove myself from the situation that causes me stress in an acceptable manner, (i.e.) Can you hold that thought for a moment, I need to go to the bathroom, or I have a splitting headache can we discuss this in a few minutes? Etc. This helps me prepare.
2. Identify the root emotion, and consider a technique to deal with that emotion.
3. Return and apply a communication technique that helps me feel safe. This could be as simple as blowing sunshine up a bosses you know what. I might say "thanks for pointing that out" or "You have a point I'll work on that".

I found that I don't have to win every battle, because more often then not winning the battle means losing the war. Commonsense dictates that if I become combative then the other person becomes combative, and the one with the most authority will often win that war.

These are just some things that help me when I'm able to apply them.

John

Yesterday I dreamed that my Boss was getting on my nerves, so I tortured him to Death..

Hang in there Marine. I am sorry about what happened at work, I can totally relate, as I am a former marine too. I have been using medical Marijuana, and it keeps me mellow all of the time. Its not for everyone, but it helps me deal with PTSD. I think some people like to pick on former marines, or anyone from the different services, I don't think some people get that Marines are taught to respond with overwhelming force, and being a former marine can go either way, either blowing up or holding it in until you blow up on a family member, which is even worse. Hang in there devil dog, Semper Fi!

Much love, and peace on earth!

Zachary