Hi MaryJane

I feel your pain, frustration and hurt and you are worried and scared ! PTSD is very serious and doesn't go away....It just can be managed in a way that makes living easier !

Becvan and all the others made so many great points !

My boyfriend has PTSD and it has been a learning experience, I have read many articles on this illness and it has helped me cope with his moods in a better way ! The way we deal with instances in our daily life is so different then the way they deal with it ! What seems so easy and logical for us ....is not for them ! Lots of love, understanding, patience and support is needed. Sensing their moods before they fully come out is important too. They are scared, panicked, insecure, emotional...the list goes on !

One instance I remember is one time we were at this shopping centre where there was lots of people and they had set a stage where there was a "local" singer...well, I saw his expression change and he said to me "is it ok, if we leave ?" I understood right away and we left....the noise and crowd was becoming too much for him...if I would have pushed him to stay...who knows what would have happened.

Another time, a similar thing happened, we were at a restaurant, crowdy, noisy....I told him "let's leave" before he even said anything to me. I also knew he was having a bad day, so I gave him the chance to talk it over with me in a private place.

It is all about compromising and understanding ! I know it is hard, and at times will feel unbearable !

I know my boyfriend has to always keep busy and many times he needs time to himself, which is ok too ! Often I tell him to relax...and he says "I can't" so I respect that !

I know it affects everyone differently, however, having read so many posts here, and read so many articles...There are so many similarities. I have come to a better understanding about this illness !

Understanding, support, love, patience and respect that is all we can offer them. But they will have to make the bigger, more painful steps to getting better ! It can be done !

With my boyfriend we are at the stage where we can laugh about lots of things, like his forgetting so often !!! lol...we have a sense of humour about it..I call him "my old forgetful man" and he laughs ! He has come a long way with the help of doctors and medicine....Your boyfriend can make it too !!!

hello again,
In response to your post about pretending that everything is ok. I do this every day of my life whenever some on else is around, even if they are just on the other end of the phone. This is the only place where I can tlak about how I really feel to.
I am glad that someone mentioned the cup theory to you, as it is extremely helpful to understand that. But we often forget that good stress as well as bad stress add to that cup.

You meationed that your bf often likes his alone time... I know from experience how hard it is to know when they want that time. My partner and I literally use signs... for example, if Alex needs some alone time, he shuts the door to whatever room he is in. IN our house the doors are very rarely shut, except the toilet and bathroom, so that my seeing a door shut lets me know to stay out- even if it is my room. If I desperately need something from that room, I have to knock and wait for a response, and I have to shut the door agian on my way back out. When Alex feels that he could handle conversation again, he will either come and see me or he will simply open the door. If I have something to do whilst he wants his alone time, I simply leave him a note explaining where I have gone and why. I probably don't need to give him as much information, but it does save him from stressing about where I have gone. Just an idea; it works for us so maybe it will work for you as well.

It is very hard to know exactly what their stressors are. I met ppl through the ptsd course who had been together for over thirty years, and she still did not know his stressors. Every day is a learning experience and each day we learn something more, and some days the triggers from yesterday don't bother them at all.

Drugs and alcohol are vrey often usedby ptsd sufferers. We have to learn how to help them to control that usage, and be there for them when they do over indulge. We are not called carers just for the lack of a better term; it is often hard to explain that without sounding as though we are equal partners at the same time.

However all of that being said, your bf still needs to take responsibility for his actions. He needs to acknowledge that he has hurt you and he cannot do that when you "sweep it under the rug". You need to tell him! I know that is hard because you dont want him to blow up again, but you caould always write it down. By writing and rereading something, we can often tell if it is going to affect them in a negative way. And even if you put it as nice as possible and he still blows up, at least you know that you tried to make him understand that he was hurting you; and believe me, he will think about it agian once he has calmed down.

I wil leave that with you for now...
Tammy

oh and by the way, I just tried to send you an email but apparently I dont have the authority to do so... I look forward to talking to you more...
Tammy

Tammy, if you wish Maryjane or anyone else to have your email address, please point them to your profile, as your email is listed there. That way your address is not open to spammers nor indexed by search engines.

Kathy,

How do I get to my profile?

If you are referring to the Private Message system here you cannot do PMs as of yet since maryjane is still in moderation. Once out PMs will be no issue. Just click on the name and you will see an option pop up "Send Private Message". You can also view profile the same way, but most of the time actual emails are not listed.

Maryjane, I assume you figured it out, as I noticed you added some things about yourself there. Please note however no one else (except admins) will see your profile until you are out of moderation.

I went to a group meeting with my bf today. It was informative, yet not intense as the things we are going through at home. It's a twelve week program and it's on a schedule to talk about different ideas on how to handle their situation.

I am a bit calmer than the last few days since the big blow outs have blown over for now. That's the way it is around here; up and down and round and round like a merry-go-round.

I was grateful to even be in the room with them today during their PTSD meeting, but I think that if I'm there with him on a one on one, we can share our personal experiences. Today, the group leader stated that they only hold the class for actual PTSD patients, but since I was in my military uniform, she let me sit in on the class. The information that was put out is something I can use myself when I have the anxiety coming on and the stress level rising.

From what I understand, there is no support group for family members or carers. The only information is the paper documents my bf bring home to read; without further understanding of how the brain and emotions work, I'm still lost.

I will continue to seek out other avenues to grasp this concept and to accept this reality. This is real, more real than the nose on my face.

Keep us in your thoughts.

That is unfortunate there are no support groups for families where you are. However, you can obviously still come here for support, read the information contained within this forum, ask questions and interact with members. Also, have you seen this book list:

Recommended Books To Buy

These books are most helpful. In any event, do take care Maryjane, and yes I will be thinking of you.

Here I go again; feeling down and depressed. Well, I posted the other day that I went to the group session with my bf to better understand what he is going through. I had made up in my mind that this is what it is and that he'll really having a hard time because he's ill. Recently, I've been on this chat board and talking to other military personnel who has been diagnosed with PTSD, and they experience nothing like what my bf is going through and how he's treating me. I've been keeping a keen eye on things around here and continually walking on egg shells to try and keep peace around here, but to no avail. Although the sickness may be real, I really do believe that he's lashing out on my for some reason or another. Just today, I ran some errands and went to a couple of appointments and went to get my hair permed (I've had my hair braided and wearing a wig for about 2 months) since it was time for me to let my hair breath. I came home and greated him like I usually do and asked him how do my hair look. He in turn told me that I didn't noticed when he got his hair cut the other day. I told him to just leave it alone cause it ain't that serious. I come in the house and a few minutes later he came in still b*^ching about me being gone and the first thing I wanted him to notice was my hair. He said that the first thing I should said was that the yard look nice (since he was cutting and trimming the hedges).

When I asked him about my hair, I had no ideal how that thing would blow up. It's getting to the point that no matter what I say, it gets criticized, and it hurts my feelings. But I'm learning to plant my feet and just suck it up and not let it bother me, but this is all too personal, and I feel nothing from PTSD is causing the way he's making me feel. I believe he wants to continually inflict pain upon me and watch me hurt. For what? I don't know. PTSD is more of a cover up to have an excuse to treat me that way.

I mean, what is the big deal? I can't ask him anything like that? We are drifting farther apart.

I am currently in therapy myself, and I told my therapist today what had been going on. She suggested that he come to one of the sessions with me. Not to dig into our problems but to get from his point of view how I've been doing since I've been on the medications (yes, medications). Hopefully, that will open up an avenue so that some things are talked about in a very open and honest manner. I'd hate for it to be anything other than that.

This drains my energy and I feel like I'm trapped in darkness. Why does he hate me so much and why is there so much hate directed personally at me?

Please listen to me and try to understand me. I am trying to be strong and understanding in all of this but I don't have thick enough skin to endure.