I went through a program for PTSD and I made some friends there but, I'm still having trouble connecting with new people. I know in my head that not all people are bad but, I fear the process of finding out if they're bad or not. So I'm stuck and I'm having trouble getting unstuck. I am in therapy though and that helps some. It's just that first step out the door that I get hung up on. So this is where I've decided to start. In this forum. I went to the chat room and no one was there. So here I am and I'm all out of words. Thanx for reading.

Ovation: I'm sorry to hear that your wife moved out. The sentence i bolded above from your post speaks loud and clear...i can see how that could happen...as your thoughts as a sufferer are so muddled, confusing, and all over the place, because you don't know how to feel. It's good that you recognized the push and pull aspect of the relationship. My ex sees that too, and he has told me he knows that i'm hurting as a result of all of this, but he just doesn't know what to say or do.

My heart feels for you, mate. See, it's people like you who are sufferers and sharing your own thoughts and feelings with people like me (carers) who help us to better understand how you feel when it comes to relationships.

I will say that there have been times where i felt like blocking my ex bf off totally so that he could never contact me again...but there's a part of me that just keeps digging the heels in, and telling me to stick around. I hope things between me and him do work out, when he comes home.

Did you hear anything from your wife at all? How are you doing these days?

Red: Thanks for sharing. That is a long time to hide your trauma and emotions over 34 years of silence. How did that make you feel? Did you feel like you just wanted to explode because you wanted so bad to share, but something just kept holding you back?

You mention that guilt, denial, and shame played a big part....i have a question for you. My ex is a Iraq/Afghan vet, and is also currently in Iraq with a govt office job. He told me that he feels embarrased about his issue. He never told me he has ptsd, nor did he confirm that he has any other type of mental issue to deal with. He described it as a weakness actually, and that he is incredibly embarrased about it. I'm not sure what he meant by that? I don't understand what the embarrasing part relates to?

Maybe you could shed some light on that since you also said that you feel shame over your trauma?

Herc: The sentence i bolded in your post made me understand something my ex did a lot when we were together and also does now. Sometimes i would call him and text him and he would take forever to return my call or text me back..sometimes he wouldn't do it at all until i had some sort of anger in me and expressed it to him, and he would tell me he was sorry and he was just busy.

Until i had a conversation with him a few months ago on IM, i mentioned the fact that he hates being on the phone, never called me when he was home stateside, and that he barely responded to text messages and would rather be on the internet talking to me on IM, than chat to me on the phone...

His response was that "Okay..that is something that you will NEVER understand, okay."

I guess, your post confirmed why it was something i could never understand. Thanks for sharing that.

Vera: Thanks for sharing. I see that you say that you feel like you put people out if you call on them in your times of need when you don't feel so good, and when you are feeling okay, that you let them in. I know it can be hard for a sufferer to trust someone, but if in your heart you feel like the person is trustworthy and they are proving that to you and confirming that you can trust them...please go to them.

It's not about putting us carers out. We love and care for people like you very much and we really want to be there for you when you need us the most, otherwise we would not be constantly trying to reassure you that we are not here to hurt you, but here to just love you and be there when you need us. Our persistance is what should tell you that we care deeply for you, and no matter how hard you try to push us away...we are still there whenever you need us.

My ex told me that he feels like he is taking me down with him, and he doesn't want to do that to me. That broke my heart. It saddened me that he felt like he will be bringing me down with him, and that i don't deserve to feel like that because of him. But i have so much love and care for him, that i would make myself strong enough to deal with it. I know at times it can be challenging...but trust in those who love you, Vera. We are not here to hurt you, we are here to help you any way we can...just give us a sign, or some direction, and we will be more than happy to do/say something that brings you higher.

=) thank you

I can relate. When my PTSD symptoms becomes worse I tend to avoid things such as phone calls. Even though I get this way I don't miss a class. I do have one close friend who puts up with me. I do in time return a phone call.

I find it is easier to help others then to ask them for help.