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| | Notices | Welcome to PTSD Forum. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a life threatening, debilitating disorder that can break down a sufferer’s body through anxiety and stress. Further it poses a significant suicide risk resulting from the brains neurological imbalance and chemical depression. Sufferers often live in denial, thus this community is aimed at helping PTSD sufferers help themselves through others experiences, guidance and education. We are here for the sufferer, spouse and families surrounding PTSD. Spouses and family are too often forgotten in this equation, and often they receive all the worst that PTSD has to offer. If you're involved in any way with PTSD, get registered and help yourself now. Non-active members will eventually be deleted. If you are not a sufferer, carer or someone within the mental health industry, and active, then there is little reason for you to be a member of this forum. Non-active members with zero posts are deleted periodically during the year. |  | | 
24-11-2007, 11:59 AM
| | | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Linden
Posts: 6
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Some times spoken words are not the best thing...When things get bad some times a letter saying you care and love the person is enough to calm them down. Plus a letter can be reread spoken words can not. |
24-11-2007, 06:34 PM
| | | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Singapore- moving home July 2008
Posts: 38
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Thanks Adam. I'm afraid it's my written word (email) that has done some damage. I guess words can be written quite flippantly over the email.It is a nice idea to write a well thought out letter as we're both in different countries right now. But, for now, I guess my main concern is when I see him in 3 weeks time. I'm going home for Christmas break. I just wanted to know how to communicate when I see him if things start taking a slide for the worse- which seems to be what happens lately.I just don't want to keep messing it up and pushing him away further each time because I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I wish he would just cut me some slack sometimes because all of this is so new and I can't be expected to understand what he's going through. |
26-11-2007, 09:14 PM
| | | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Singapore- moving home July 2008
Posts: 38
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Hi Adam,
Me again. I think you're right. I have decided to write a very brief card stating how I care and will always be around for him. It's something that will just be there if/when i mess up again or if he needs to know that someone really cares for him. I decided to send some peaceful music- I know he would like that. And hopefully that will set the tone for when I go home.
Thank you thak you. |
26-11-2007, 09:23 PM
| | | | Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: UK
Posts: 684
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Hello nyc, is it possible to ask him what he needs? and if possible calmly explain to him that you dont know, you dont know how to be in the situation? You dont want to provoke him obvioulsy but if you are just honest you might be lucky and find he does know what he wants from you. He may be able to help you understand him. Telling him you are there for him is a very good idea. He's a lucky chap to have you.  |
27-11-2007, 12:24 AM
| | | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Canada
Posts: 72
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You are so right Claire....It is hard for us to really understand and know what they would want ! I have asked my bf on several occasions, especially when I first started seeing him. |
27-11-2007, 12:31 AM
|  | | | Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Newfoundland & Labrador
Posts: 1,830
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Yes, asking is a very good idea, thank you Claire. We are not mind readers! I do want to caution however; too many questions can become overwhelming as well, at least in Evie's case I have found this to be so. Once again it boils down to judging their mood at the time, and not bombarding them with too much of anything - talking, questions, love, etc - they are easily overwhelmed especially when ill, so moderation in all things is important. |
27-11-2007, 11:40 AM
| | | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Singapore- moving home July 2008
Posts: 38
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Thanks guys. I'll do that. I'll ask gently what it is he needs from me.
I don't know what I'm doing- it's true- i'm not a mind reader or a shrink.
For the most part I'll listen and try to be patient.
He has said that he doesn't feel like avoiding me right now- which sounds awful- but it is a pretty good sign at the moment. |
13-12-2007, 02:30 PM
| | | | Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
| |  be with
Hi I am new here and a PTSD sufferer.
I think the greates you can offer to him is "to be with" and not judge yourself for the outcome. Be there to listen, you don't have to do it right, but be commited.
Also want to encourage your self care, even your sufferer has trouble with it. In the end it will help him also. | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes |  Linear Mode | 
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