Hi All, glad I found this board. I'm a bit confused as to my diagnosis, depression or PTSD. My doctor mentioned both, could it be both? I have no clue, so a little history...sorry if it gets long.

Air Traffic Controller for many years, and was at the top of my game until the end. Got kudos from fellow controllers, supervisors and managers for my skills. If the radar went out I actually knew where everyone was. Altitudes, call signs, everything.

One day I was in the elevator up to the tower and got a serious panic attack. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I went to work and realized that I had to double check everything I did and everything I said. I was panicked and not comfortable at all. The next day I came to work I began crying and couldn't stop. I went home and never came back.

In a few days I had an appointment with a psychologist. I knew where she was located, but when I drove myself there I got lost. I couldn't even drive a car. I found every descision to be a huge chore. I couldn't decide even the simplest things, and only a few days before had made life/death descisions for hundreds of people at a time.

That was 3 years ago. I have dreams every night (and I mean every night) about my job, or people that I worked with. I don't even know if I care about getting better, but I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

Thanks for listening....sorry about the length...at least I feel comforted that I can chat with ya'll :)

Welcome to the forum...

Welcome to the forum. It can take awhile to sort things out as far as the actual diagnosis goes. I think that depression comes part and parcel with PTSD...so it would make sense that your doctor mentioned both. Is this a new doc or one you have developed a rapport with?

This is a family doc that I've had for a few years now. He was very helpful in filling out the forms I needed for work...we have a good rapport and he's always concerned about not only how I'm feeling but how I'm sleeping, etc.

Just a side note the psychologist I saw right away (who was a professor at a local college) said she would help with forms, but when actually asked to she wouldn't return my calls...or faxes...or written requests. It felt pretty crappy that my own therapist wouldn't even talk to me. I still feel like I should write her a letter.

Bleh rambling again, sorry.

Oh was going to mention that the original diagnosis was depression/anxiety/agoraphobia. I only recently heard him say that he thinks I have PTSD.

I am sorry to hear that you are having problems with your psychologist. Maybe your family doc can give you a referral to another psychologist. I am glad you have a good rapport with him and have been seeing him for a few years. It can take some time for PTSD to be established as a diagnosis.

TXmom thank you so much for replies :) The issues with my psychologist are a few years in the past...so not current, but since I brought it up I suppose I still have issues there lol.

I guess the reason I posted to begin with is that I don't understand what's wrong with me. And...how to live with it or cope.

hi, welcome =)

Welcome to the forum.

Hi, there is a diagnoses called 'complex ptsd' or 'c-ptsd' not sure if you heard about it, which is a clinically recognized condition that results from extended exposure to prolonged social and/or interpersonal trauma. There is a link on this forum too somewhere, or go to Wikipedia to read more about it.
My wife was diagnosed with that (actually chronic complex ptsd) , after working in a Chinese orphanage for 3 years, living in a environment where we were constantly confronted with death, making life and death decisions, pain and suffering, etc... And that on top of other stressores in our lives, like relocation and our little kids. That was simply too much.
So, saying that, and looking at your high-stress environment as 'air traffic controller', I can see some parallels here.