I appreciate all the advice, harsh and not. To defend him, he wasnt saying like I dont want anyone else to have you so stick by me. He was with me after having severe anxieties not just stress but severe break downs, that he wanted to make sure I knew that last time he was there it changed him, which his family had said as well and that if he ever showed the same sympotms, withdrawing, becoming depressed and getting cold emotionally ect to stick by him for when he gets home he will get help and come back like he did last time. I am aware he can make a decision an someone can change their minds but this was not something like, yah I just dont know anymore. it was like I love you and I want to be together forever and then a sudden cut. I sent him the christmas stuff to make sure he knows I love him, as I had spoken to 2 of my friends who returned from Iraq and both had said I need to be there for him because if he has anxieties and is depressed then I dont want to leave him alone in his depression and for him to ever start coming out and think everyone left him. I am going to try to not write him as much and see but we have been close friends since were young and its not just me. His best guy friends have written him and tried to talk to him an dhe hasn't written them back either. He only has spoken to his mom but very quickly and she said he was different and was short. I am not trying to pester him. I only want to help him because rt before this happened he had told me that it helps him through to get my packages and my comments and such. Some say give him space and other troops have said dont leave him alone because of his mental state. I have seen him in "anxiety breakdown" and it was def not just stress but like he was not here. He needs help and I feel helpless and I only doing the best I can. Thank you for the advice.

Thank you Bec, Vera and Veiled for your comments in here as well. It is always good to read the perspectives of sufferers. Honestly the issue of break-up PTSD notwithstanding had not occurred to me, however it is a very valid point. A sufferer is of course capable of ending a relationship independently of their illness, people with PTSD are still people after all, and are not mentally incompetent. Many individuals do not know the "correct" way to break up in any event, whether they have PTSD or not. Many are unskilled, selfish, choose the path of least resistance and so on. In any event, I do still believe the heart of the matter to be that this man requires space, whether he is suffering from an illness or not. He has directly asked for it, by saying he needs a break. Myaleah, you have been advised by both carers and sufferers to give him space, yet you have not truly done so, as far as I can see. I see you grasping at straws, and looking for the answer you want to hear, rather than accepting the advice already given. Things will not change nor improve if you do not at least try the advice that has been given to you here.

I have been meaning to write an article on deployment for family members, as I see so many here struggle with deployment and do not seem to know how to relate to a loved one who is on operations. I am living in a crazy house at present, so I have not yet had time to write one personally. However, I did find a decent article to include in the information section:

Coping When a Family Member Has Been Called to War

Honestly Myaleah, I do not see anyone putting him down here, there is no need to defend him. All people have said is that they are uncertain he has PTSD or not. That is valid, considering he has not yet been diagnosed. Additionally, not all service men who have anxiety whilst deployed develop full blown PTSD. Some develop combat stress, which mimics PTSD in some respects but is not a permanent condition. I have had family members with combat stress, they recover after a few weeks of being home generally.

The point is Myaleah, not what others are saying, but what he is saying. He has asked you for space. Regardless of his reasons, regardless if he has an illness or not, this is not the way to start a longterm relationship with someone. Respect his boundaries.

I appreciate your thoughts and everyones. I am doing all I can to do what he asked me to do but I am just honestly worried for him there by himself with even just depression and anxiety. I am not for certain he does have PTSD. To be honest I didnt even know what it was. He actually said to me that he thinks he has PTSD before he left and was on meds when he came back last time but I dont recall if he said he was diagnosed, all I know was he had been on meds and has gone through alot. Its not so easy to explain obviously. I guess you have to know him like i know him to know something is very wrong. Luckily I have an idea since as I may have said, I found out there was a big attack on the base (which he had previously felt safer at) on the same day as the day he said we need a break so atleast I can see what may have triggered it. Its not just me he is cold to everyone and not talking to anyone but his mom and is even short with her, so I know he went through something and I am just concerned for his well being. I think he knew what he may do and how he changed before so thats why he warned me and I was basing it on that. But I am going to try the approach of not writing him a while, although I am scared to death because he has never had a time without me writing him and because I promised him to stick by him but I will try anything to help him get through whatever is going on. Thanks alot. God bless...

I didnt read the one above the last one. I am not totally naive just scared. I am telling you what I have heard from both you all and from people I know who have been there. And in correction as well, I have been doing so (giving him space). I havent written him in a couple days after hearing these comments and am trying to hold off for a while and praying to God he will be ok. Oh and when I said I was defending him I was referring to the comments where the guy was saying that my bf saying he wants me t stick by him if he changed because he would come back around is him saying I dont want you but I dont want anyone else having you. I defended that because I have known him since we were young and he is NOT that kind of man. He is very loving and sincere and considerate and thats why this is so baffling to me and his family, the way he is being. But God bless all those over there. I can only imagine what they are going through.

Whilst you say that "he is not like that" and you are basing that off his past, let me assure you now, all that is out the window and you're going to need to differentiate between past and present, because the two are no longer interconnected if he truly does have PTSD. He doesn't care any longer what he used to do, or used to act like, etc. What he will do now will not be rational, he will not be able to understand why he is doing certain things, he will no longer do or act like you knew him too do.

Yes, if you cut communication with him he would take hold of the "I don't want you, though I don't want anyone else to have you either" routine, however; he will not love you in the same way and he will cheat, he will be out, he will be violent and/or emotionally abusive to you. Sorry, but if he has PTSD he is now in a completely different world, all of which has developed within him over a period of years through deployments.

You can no longer apply the past to the present with him, as they will not coincide any longer as you once knew. Sorry, but these are the facts of what your about to experience. He must find himself in order to work out whether he wants to have you as part of his life once again, without abuse and so forth. He will abuse you otherwise, he will mistreat you, he will do all this and more without knowing why. He must go and learn why in order to understand how to fix himself.

Yah I see what you mean. Someone before me had said that before he left when he told me to stick by him if he changes or becomes distant that he may have been thinking "I dont want you but I dont want anyone else to have you" and I was defending him and saying I know he didnt mean it that way when he said it. I know him very well and before he left when he said that he was trying to prepare me because he knew that the previous deployment had changed him. I dont know as I said if he has PTSD (diagnosed) but I know he has never once mistreated me. Even on his last one when all that damage was done emotionally, everyone who was around him then said he changed and was distant but didnt abuse or anything like that. He has never been a cheating, abusive man even ater the last deployment. I do need to think of now and not then because I know things change though. All I see him doing as of now is withdrawing. He is working 7 dyas a week, 2 hr days. I have only been sticking by him because his 18 day leave is coming in Jan and because I felt that that warnign he gave me before he left may be coming to reality now and I am trying to keep my committment not to leave him as he asked me too. I just want to do the rt thing and so I guess we will see if me stopping contacting him makes him worse, although I scared of that but we will see. Thanks so much

I know you said this in a past thread but I just wanted to comment, I didn't talk to my family at all for 5 years after my trauma. Being short with his mum is really not so surprising to me if he is developing PTSD. I pushed everyone away, the people who were closest to me got pushed the furthest away actually.

wow. 5 years, thats a long time! I just pray to God he comes back to hmself and goes to counseling ect. As I said, last time they said he withdrew but wasn't in a loving relationship like he is now and he was back to himself besides some anxiety and probably dreams here and there, until they said he was going back, in which I saw him breakdown alot with me before leaving to go back so anything could have triggered a change again and a pushing back of loved ones. He is keeping in contact with his family though, unlike me and his friends here (but we have mutual friends so he may be avoiding the emotional topics). But he is just not real talkative with his family. I can tell they are confused and in the dark too. I think its been like, I am ok, how is everyone? I am fine, love you...you know? So I am just trying to have faith he will pull through again but I know the more traumatic experiences can make the recovery longer and longer......thank you.

Anthony, truer words were never spoken.......