I made it through dinner at my sons. When I first got there my granddaughter was napping, I sat and watched her for a few minutes. She looked so peace full. Then I slept for awhile, which probably pissed everyone off, but oh well. All of my grandchilren were there. I have 2 grandsons 1 and 5 and granddaughter thats 3. I kept lookind back and forth between the 3 and 5 year olds. Therapist told me 3 days ago, she believed I was between 3 and 5 when abuse happened because of the dissassociation. It just seems so young for some one to hurt a child like that. Makes me glad that I dissassociatated.

So today is black friday. And I'm a store manager. I had a f--ing panic attack going to walmart yesterday. How the hell am I going to work today. I'm thinking of calling my boss and seeing if its ok if I go in after the store closes and just stock. I'm sure it will be alright. But not sure I want to be in the store all night by myself. Maybe he'll let my son go with me. He works in another store, so he could work up there too. well I'm going to go outside and swing on my grandsons swing and try to get connected to some peace.

Hollyberry

New info I never shared here on the forum. You want stress, in the 80's I was the photographer, manager, handle sales and ran the "1" man operation in a Sear's Portrait Studio. Black Friday was the day that families showed up for family portraits. Stress means having a family come for a "5" generation portrait and greatgrama is in her 90's. Praying the portrait turns out is STRESS!

Little kids wainting in 3-4 houjr lines for me to get GOOD portraits is stress. I did that for about 5 years. This was back when the studios in Sears operated on first come first serve no matter what you wanted-take photos or buy them-you waited your turn.

To this day I WILL NOT go to Sears or even a mall AND now children give me a rash LoL Anyway hang in there HERC

yea, that does sound like alot of stress. Didn't find any piece outside. Let my yorkie go out with me and first thing he did is run down our drive way(we have a 500 ft one. He's not supose to go down it but is still learning. He's already been taking once by car passing by(person she took him to, knew it was my sons dog, so got him back and one time we were down by road and he went into road and truck was coming(driver stopped and tooted horn to us.) So today I had to run after him down driveway. I got him back up in yard but kept running around the house instead of coming back inside. Need less to say he is locked in his kennel right now and will be for quite awhile. So I got my exercise for the day. meds are stating to kick in few like I need a nap. Thats the only thing I don't like about xanax. puts me out when I first take it.

Hollyberry,

I'm glad you made it through dinner yesterday and was able to see your grandchildren.

It is very brave of you to go out to the store. I had a panic attack at Macy's on Wednesday. It is supposed to be the season of holiday joy. For some of us it is the season of holiday panic.

vst

Just woke up. Damn I should of been to work hours ago. really need to call my boss. God I hate this shit. I use to be the best manager in 2 districts. Now Im probably at the bottom of the list.