My history in a nutshell... Plenty of verbal, physical and psychological abuse at the hands of my whole family, a few major accidents and in alot of physical pain as a result. I was diagnosed with PTSD by my shrink and other doctors seem to think I not only have that. What I have a hard time with is the severe reactions to a stressful event, the frequent rage that at times is intolerable , the flashbacks and the lack of dreams or should I say the inability to remember them, as well as the psychological numbing. I wonder if I will ever be able to stop the meds and get over my extreme anger towards my family and the world. Do I sound like I am ranting...well I need to know if it gets easier. The doc says externalizing in therapy, meds and exercise are part of the answer.

I think once you really start working on the core issues, it does get better. I have pretty much settled into a dissociative/numb state...mixed in with self-harm (eating disorder, cutting, not taking needed meds, and more). I have not self-harmed in over 2 months and am starting to noticed angry outbursts over little, insignificant things.

I could not do this without the help of meds. I am very fortunate to have a great family doc who has been working with me for over 6 years. When I get way out of whack on my meds, she sends me to the psych doc. Then, when I am stable or having minor problems, she takes care of the meds. I hope that I will be able to decrease my meds someday...but there is no way that will happen now.

I hit a point this past summer where there was nothing else to do but get better. I thought I had hit my rock bottom a few years ago...but I have come to realize now that I was continuing to fall. I am 100% committed to recovery and have total faith that it will get better!