Why is Defending Myself So Triggering? - Page 3

Nicolette · #21 29-11-2007, 08:51 PM

Sweetheart, I have to give you credit for being honest

dshanks · #22 29-11-2007, 11:35 PM

I know exactly what you mean and it is really neat to see someone else is having the same experience. For me, I was brought up to be polite and never say anything to hurt anyone. In fact I was really taught to never be myself and to shut up, so as a result I kept it all in and it built up in me to such a point I thought I would explode. Never say anything that may hurt someone s feelings, but I was always being hurt.What it is like for me is this: If I say that someone is hurting me with their words it is just more abuse and I have gotten to the point that I can no longer handle abuse. It just brings up all the crap I went thru constantly being abused. I don t know if that is how it is for you. Just another thing to trigger the memories

batgirl · #23 30-11-2007, 04:56 AM

Good point dshanks. It didn't occur to me it might also be partially a gender issue, in the sense that women are traditionally expected to be compliant and not get angry. Men have way more "permission" to be angry and aggressive. I was never abused, my trauma comes from being shot and witnessing a murder/suicide, but... I was raised to be a polite girl. I went to a convent boarding school for 2 years, and the nuns really taught us to be self-effacing, and think of others before ourselves always. Thanks for the input, more food for thought and I really appreciate it.

2quilt · #24 01-12-2007, 01:53 AM

Boy oh boy. Can you imagine what life must be like for a nun who feels she has to keep all that stuff inside all her whole life? Everyone's feelings before her own?
Thank god I am atheist.

Kathy · #25 01-12-2007, 02:54 AM

Oh yes, I was also taught by nuns for several years, and told to offer up all my problems to the Blessed Virgin, the Saints and so on, rather than complain. Though some of the nuns of my childhood seemed happy, the majority were very bitter women indeed. Jim's sister, who is a very traditional nun, is an unhappy woman for certain. To be fair however, many nuns are now quite modern and think more of themselves than previous. Evie unfortunately was at a convent school of nuns who opted to remain traditional.

batgirl · #26 01-12-2007, 04:31 AM

Since I mentioned the nuns, I am really thinking they played a fairly large role in how I feel about myself. I mean being polite is good but offering everything up to God all the time and being totally uncomplaining... well, that's being a martyr! I don't think it's healthy at all. No wonder I'm confused... :p

hodge · #27 01-12-2007, 04:42 AM

Evie, you've hit on a good chunk of the reason for the expression "recovering Catholic" :)

batgirl · #28 01-12-2007, 05:15 AM

Yeah recovering Catholic is right... omg... sometimes I think being Catholic is traumatic in itself! ;)

hodge · #29 01-12-2007, 05:28 AM

Yeah, especially if you were raised with all the hell talk. I was very lucky to go to a liberal, progressive Catholic school in the late 60s/early 70s so I got to miss out on most of the damaging stuff as a little kid. I stopped going to our church here after I heard the new young priest using hell talk to scare the young schoolkids for recent problems they had getting along with each other. I had other reasons to stop going, but that was the final straw for me. I think it amounts to child abuse. That stuff gave my husband nightmares for years.

veiled · #30 01-12-2007, 05:33 AM

LOL, offering everything to them is good too. It does not backfire on everyone. That is what moved me past my guilty phase. A lot of prayer and listening to my very Catholic sister. I have not been to church in, oh I am not even about to add that many years up! Anyway, just going back to the basics with my sister's help did a lot to make my cross not so heavy to bear. I don't think this is really possible without a blind faith in something, but for me going back to the Catholic religion somewhat has helped a lot.