I don't know if I worded the title of this poll correctly, but basically, the sicker I am, the less I ask for help. I see lots of people on the forum here and also when I've been in hospital and group therapy, seem to be very good at asking for help or attention. I am the exact opposite. I don't ask for help at all most times, even of my family. My psychiatrist recently said I was the kind of patient he really worries about, because I rarely complain. Honestly when I'm really sick, I don't have the energy to even articulate what I'm feeling. I totally withdraw. I am the same with physical pain and sickness. I don't mention it or complain at all. In hospital, the nurses always consider me to be such an easy patient, so brave. Most of the time I wait way too long before telling my family that I am in pain and need to see the doctor. If I tell them at all that is. Sometimes I just collapse and they have to rush me into hospital. Anyways I'm starting to feel like a space alien because lots seem to have no trouble asking for help. I'm hoping a few of you are like me maybe?

Whilst I chose the first option, being the same as you Evie, I chose that option because most of what you say I do, being I do suffer in physical pain and not bother people, though I also have a high pain tolerance when I want too. Saying that however; I learnt that I must articulate myself when it comes to the mental issues due to the severity. If you know and understand the severity Evie, which I know you do from both Eric and Brian's death, then you will take responsibility for your own actions surrounding your own mental health, regardless what your brain is telling you, you still have a choice.

It is not PTSD's fault for you not speaking up and saying you are ill. Whilst Jim and Kathy likely know it before you do, when you do know it you must teach yourself to and accept the responsibility to ask for help. Whether that be to help you rest, do something or take you to the hospital if you believe you need it, you must take responsibility for this, just as I had too also learn and not fall back and blame my PTSD for.

I still personally struggle at times Evie, however; if suicidal ideation comes to my mind it doesn't take me long to begin talking about it, letting people know its in my head. Whilst that has only been once in the last couple of years, being just the other week, I still spoke about it within a short period of time before it escalated beyond just thoughts. When I do not feel well and just need to rest, I ensure those around me know and that I am going to rest, whether they like it or not, I must ensure and take responsibility for myself to do this, and the only way others know Evie is to just voice what is wrong. You don't necessarily have to go into detail because you may not know it or understand it yourself, but a simple "I am not feeling well and am going to go have a sleep to feel better" statement is all that's needed. Once you sleep and if you feel better, then make yourself talk about the pain you feel, felt, or whatever was bothering you.

I understand what your saying about not wanting to bother people, feeling like a burden at times even, though you must take responsibility for your part in helping yourself.

I understand the importance of me taking responsiblity for myself and my health by asking for help when I am dooing poorly.

My problem is, I don't know what kind of help to ask for. When my friends say, "Let me know if there's anything I can do," even if I feel totally torn up inside, I have no idea how to reply.

I think a couple of years ago I would have answered "I rarely ask for help," because I was so used to coping and pushing myself for so much of my adult life, no matter what. But since the ptsd has really gotten a grip on me, I am getting better at asking for help - at least when I know I need help. I don't always do that as soon as I should, but I'm trying to learn.

The latest trick for me is to recognize when I need help. Before I broke down last week, I didn't even see it coming, so I'm trying to go back and take note of everything that led up to it so that I can get better at avoiding another big crash, including asking for help before it's so bad.

I have always had trouble asking for help. I've felt that I should be able to do everything myself and asking for help makes me weak. Now I'm getting past that and asking my family for help when I'm at a point that I just can't do something. That's a lot of progress for me.

As to talking about when I'm feeling mentally bad and letting others know what's going on in my head...that's still a work in progress. Very little progress right now. Although my family knows that something's wrong with me and respond by keeping a closer eye on me and keeping physically close to me. I still have so much trouble expressing myself (verbally) to anyone about how I feel.

Lisa

Evie, this is a really good poll, I'm just not sure how to answer & you have given me some food for thought.

Physically, I never used to see a doctor and my doctor at the time used to comment on how 'out of tune' I was with my own body. I'd say I have a sniffle and it would turn out to be bronchitis, sinusitis & dehydration. That was before my PTSD diagnosis.

I now see a different doctor (post PTSD diagnosis) and I swear any niggle or headache or stomach cramp and I'm at the doctors office. Neck pain, I'm off seeing a physio, a chiro a masseuse.

Yet emotionally/mentally I really struggle to ask for help. Like Kers, I'm not sure what the hell I meant to ask for. If I am bleeding, I'd ask for a bandaid. I don't usually ask for help (whether it's speak to my husband or call my therapist) until it's suicide ideation and/or severe in bed depression.

But second to that, is if I get help i.e. have a therapy appointment 9 times out of ten I won't actually articulate what I need or why I'm there, I simply shutdown.

My therapist often says 'ask for what you need','what do you need right now'. And I have no idea.

So if I was to chose I'd say physically I ask for a lot of help, and emotionally if its gets to a certain point, yes I'd ask for help.

Thanks everyone for the responses, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Anthony, I understand the responsibility part and I can work on that, but another part of the problem, which maybe I didn't explain, is that I'm not always aware that I need help. That's mental or physical. Half the time I'm really not aware of my body or my feelings. Like you I think I must have a high pain threshhold, or maybe I'm numb to the pain. Getting IVs for example. Most people hate that. I've had so many because of the cancer treatment... I've had them in weird places too like my head and my neck because my other veins have collapsed. Anyways the point is, the nurses are always amazed because I don't even flinch. To be honest sometimes I don't even feel the needle going in... Or, another example, I used to go 2-3 days without eating and not even realize it until I collapsed because my body ran out of energy. I forgot about eating, and I didn't feel hungry. Now I write notes to myself as reminders, plus I try to eat most meals with my family.

And when I do finally do realize something is wrong, I feel like it's not really that bad so not worth complaining about, if that makes any sense. I suppose though when I do realize it, I could tell my parents anyhow. They could decide if its serious or not. But I guess my point in all this is, half of the time I'm not choosing to not say anything, I just don't realize I'm sick, and I really don't know how to fix that part.

I never used to ask for help at all. Now I'm better at it but generally only when things are really, really bad and only then from people I know get this stuff.

Voicing my needs is what I am currently focusing on in therapy. I would say that I am still not good at it. I don't like to show weakness, and I feel like I should be able to everything myself. This is a behavior that was learned for survival, but now I am learning that it is hindering too. I am trying to be better about asking for help.

Evie, I think you've stumbled on an important point here. I'm not sure what the solution is, but I think it might be important to address. Perhaps you are dissociating alot, and maybe you need to do some grounding techniques daily?

For me, grounding & meditation helped me become more in tune with my body & mind.