Seeing Failure as a Positive?

nathan · #1 01-12-2007, 03:27 PM

just wondering if anyone else here sees there failures as a positive. im typically a control freak and am terrified of failing, meaning losing control, letting people down, not doing things the right way the first time. lately though im realizing that failure is a very good thing as long as you pick yourself up and try again. i think failure paves the road to success and strength. one of my favorite quotes is from bruce lee "to except defeat, to learn to die, is to be liberated from it." maybe by learning how to fail, im actually liberating myself. how awesome would that be? if this doesnt make sense, just let me know. im more than happy to clarify.

nate

Claire · #2 01-12-2007, 07:07 PM

Hello Nate, yes I understand and agree although its a hard lesson to learn. I'm pretty independent by nature and learning to fall, as you say, can to a way of learning how to look after yourself better.

She Cat · #3 01-12-2007, 09:48 PM

Nathan,

I agree with you also. We can't control everything. Failing to me, means that I am human and make mistakes.

Giving up control was very hard, but also very helpful. It lifted great burdens for me, and allowed me to have less stress, and worry.

When I finally gave up control, I learned this....While trying to be in control all of the time, actually it was because I was so OUT OF CONTROL of myself.

This may be the turning point for you also... That you are finally getting yourself in control, and therefore letting go of trying to be in control of everything.

I think this is a very positive thing for you to have recognized.... Good work!!!!!!

hollyberry · #4 02-12-2007, 03:54 PM

Nathan , Yes I do agree with you. I felt so much of a failure when I was not able to keep all of my past issues stuffed till after the holidays.....It took me a few days of crying, remembering and feeling a whole lot of emotions, But now I see that letting all of this out, is going to be really postive in my life. At times it has felt so overwelming and I didn't know if I could do it, but as I have started this journey and started walking through the pain, oh the relief I have gotten. I know its going to be a long journey but I will survive all of it.......as we all will, one baby step at a time.

vera · #5 02-12-2007, 05:15 PM

i know what you mean, nathan.

as a child i was raised with the message that, because i was a "special kid" (i was a talented brat, i must admit) things were easier for me than for the other kids. i was not average. i would never be average. being average would be failing my family and myself. things were not supposed to be hard for me.

it has fvcked my head in unimaginable ways. to this day i feel like if i'm not better than everyone else it means i'm worse than everybody. like getting what i want should not mean effort to me, because i'm a "special girl".

i'm working on it right now... working on failing better. being ok with failing, sad because i wanted something that i couldn't get , but not feeling worthless.

i'm finding failing well harder than succeeding well.

hollyberry · #6 03-12-2007, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vera

feel like if i'm not better than everyone else it means i'm worse than everybody.

omg..........that is how I feel. And I didn't know I felt that way till you said it..Thank you Vera. Thank you so very much

tude · #7 03-12-2007, 02:39 AM

Nathan, great question for the ages...Thank you for bringing it up.
For myself I have had to re-evaluate for myself what does it mean to be a success and strong. Lately, my challenge has been personal strength. Recently, I have discovered in myself a different kind of strength unfamiliar to me- strength even in weakness. Also, a re-occuring lesson I have yet to grasp is the strength and courage to be less so damn self-reliant.

nathan · #8 03-12-2007, 03:15 AM

thank you everyone, for the great replies. its interesting how different we all are, even in this aspect. vera, i get what your talking about although i have had pretty much the opposite experience. my family set me up to fail, and then when i did they would tear me apart, and because of that i became terrified of failing and became a control freak. now when i fail i can take comfort in it, because i know i am strong enough to survive it.

take care,
nate

batgirl · #9 03-12-2007, 09:08 AM

I don't like the word "failure" (I prefer to just say "mistake") but I do know what you mean Nathan, and I agree. I am a real perfectionist myself and I hate making mistakes. When I do make them though, and I accept it, it has been a great learning experience for me. I'm actually feeling more at peace with myself since allowing myself to be human. This is a great topic, thanks for starting it.

nathan · #10 03-12-2007, 10:48 AM

hi evie, the reason i chose to use the word failure is because its regarded as a negative word for what most people consider a negative experience. what i want to do is disarm the negativity associated with the meaning. when thats done, whats left to fear?