Oh okay well I see your point then. :) I definitely have trouble with the word myself!

I can completely relate about being terrified to fail and being a control freak. All I know is that due to my numerous failures I became a stronger person . That is pretty positive although, at the time, it didn t seem very positive. We learn by our mistakes

that is exactly what im talking about.

I said the same thing... I don't see the difference except that I don't like the word failure...

hey evie, didnt mean any disrespect. dshanks stated it so simply which is probably why i quoted her. didnt mean to play favorites, haha.

Hi Nathan,
IMO, it helps to think of a "failure" as rather of an "unsuccessfull try". And to remember that we still do have other tries.
No one is born skilled, and doing something inevidebly (hope I spelled it right!) means making mistakes. The good part of such mistakes or unsuccessfull tries is that we still gain some experience form them. We have an opportunity to think: what caused the mistake? What can I do to fix it? How can I improve my performance next time?
Nothing can be done perfect with a first try, but each time we can think of tha past experience and improve our work.
Take care,
Linda

I also prefer the word mistake.. because this is the meaning of failure:

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
fail·ure [feyl-yer]
–noun
1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops.
4. deterioration or decay, esp. of vigor, strength, etc.: The failure of her health made retirement necessary.
5. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.
6. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt: the failure of a bank.
7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: He is a failure in his career. The cake is a failure.


As you can see.. it is negative no matter what spin you put on it.

And this is the meaning of mistake:

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
mis·take [mi-steyk] noun, verb, -took, -tak·en, -tak·ing.
–noun
1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2. a misunderstanding or misconception.
–verb (used with object)
3. to regard or identify wrongly as something or someone else: I mistook him for the mayor.
4. to understand, interpret, or evaluate wrongly; misunderstand; misinterpret.
–verb (used without object)
5. to be in error.
—Idiom
6. and no mistake, for certain; surely: He's an honorable person, and no mistake.

Mistakes are much more human no?

bec

but bec, a mistake is something you can usually fix within a reasonable amount of time. There is no way I can fix the damage I have done to my children because of my messed up thinking. I failed my children. I did a much better job then my mom but I still did a really bad job. I used drugs and my job to avoid my life...I worked all the time, instead of teaching my children the things they really needed to know. How can that simply be justifed as a mistake.

Sorry nathan, I was having a very bad night, there's some serious stress in my family right now. I was being sensitive, you didn't do anything wrong.

Holly I disagree that a mistake has to be something short term. I ran away from my family for 5 years and I consider that a mistake. It's not a failure. It would only be a failure in my eyes if I never resolved the situation with them, stayed away forever. Additionally, having PTSD and the things I do because of that do not make me a failure. They make ill, I have an illness. I think that's where the word "failure" really bothers me. It's the flipside of being perfect. Like black and white type thinking really. If I'm not perfect, then I must be a failure kind of thing, if that makes any sense. I understand what you're saying about failing your children, you can't justify that no, but that's kind of an extreme example, most things we do in life are mistakes in my opinion.

hey evie, no worries. i figured thats what was going on. we all have our off days, i just had one on saturday.