As I continue to get hints of everyone's stories in posts, I am filled with grief and compassion for you all. How much hurt is shared amongst us.

Kathy, Jim and Evie, my heart goes out to you all. I am gathering it has all been much more than any of us ever desreve for your family. And I am very sorry to hear of the church that turned its back on you in your time of need. Sounds like they all need to relearn the meaning of a community that loves regardless.

As far as faith goes, as I have matured in my views on this in recent years, I have developed my own view on what my faith is and what I want it to be. It is just that. Whatever we want it to be. Look how many religions there are the world over. ANd those milions upon millions of people all pryingin to their different God or God-like figure each day. Prayers answered, prayers not answered, faiths strengthened and lost, each day. But I believe in one thing, a higher power of some decription. Someone or something that hears our prayers. That we can turn to for comfort, to give thanks to, to ask forgiveness of and to ask for guidance from. Make it whatever gives you peace I say. Personally I pray to God, the Saints and all the (Guardian) Angels.

I am from a Catholic background and attended Catholic Schools. My husband and I were married by a Catholic Priest in a Catholic Chapel. But I would not consider my own personal faith strictly Catholic. I believe. I have faith. But I believe in what makes sense to me, not the exact story that comes from the Old Testament. And either way, my God, whatever his/her forn loves me just the same, because I am a child of God. I don't think we were ever meant to be by the book in our faith. That's exactly the fundamental principle of faith. You believe because it's what you believe, and it's what fills yyou heart with love, not because you are told it's what you should believe.

Well, it's the way I see it and what makes me feel good.

My understand of God has changed so much over the last 12 years.

Thanks EAGLE for sharing bout your radical change and relationship with Jesus.
My life also changed in 89 and my experiences with Jesus turned my life around. I was part of a pentecostal fellowship, were alot of emphasis was put on the works on the hl spirit, and Jesus the healer doing miracles even today.

That was before PTSD.
I lived through the same traumatic events my wife lived through. She experienced it on a much deeper level and was now diagnosed with chronic and complex ptsd. But this traumatic event had an effect on me too.

Today I doubt God is a healer, at least not an instant healer. If he heals, then through people and through time and through community, like this PTSD forum.
I don't understand Gods character anymore. I can not put pain and the original sin (Adam/Eve in Eden) together, I don't trust churches anymore, I don't trust any prophesies, and I have a hard time with sermons, clear-cut sermons... where I am told that this and that is bad, and If you believe in Jesus everything is great. What a bunch of bs. Life is hard, bloody hard.

The only things that are left in me from 1989 and all through the trauma event and my spouse-PTSD result, is peace, there is a deep peace in me, that came with my life-change in 89 and never left me. And I have friends, not perfect friends though, but I have community with christian friends who are reflective analytical thinkers, and who don't buy in everything they hear on Sundays.

Well, looking forward reading some more stories here and reflections
thanks, harry

Well then Harry, if that's what makes you happy, I think that maybe that is all you need. If you have faith the peace in yourself and whatever it is that keeps that peace in you and what you believe that makes you whole (or as whole as you can feel in your current situation), why isn't that a valid enough faith? Why should any of us have to struggle with what is supposed to be a source of hope and joy when this world give us enough to struggle with. Why not let that be the easy bit?