I haven't been on here since just before Thanksgiving. I've been going through a rough patch here lately. I've been quite reclusive and withdrawn. I don't really know what's going on with me.

Then of course last week I get smacked down with one of the worst migraines I've ever had and was not on the internet at all for 3 days.

I don't know I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed and depressed and I'm not sure what else to be completely honest with you.

I've been getting short of breath quite alot but I think that's a manifestation of anxiety because it eased up after I took some Klonopine last night. Directly pointing it in the direction of anxiety rather than a breathing problem since Klonopine wouldn't do anything for my lungs. I didn't want to take the Klonopine but my husband, God bless him, suggested I take it.

I've been on this anti-medicinal kick lately. Which probably only aggravated my migraines since I refused to take anything for it until it got bad. I just have been in a state where I don't want to take any medication that I don't have to.

I have however been loosing weight since going off the Seroquel the doctor had me on. Though I did start a diet a few months ago, I went from 238 to 203 which is where I'm at now. That's self satisfying. I suppose that can bring me a little joy. Any positive I can find is a good thing right?

My therapist wanted me to try to take a risk everyday, though I haven't been doing so every day I have done things outside my 'safety net'. Such as going to a restaurant that carries the same name as my ex husband has. I even worked up the courage to go to the store by myself, which lately has been a task in and of itself.

I've not been writing them down though and I don't see her till next week. We had a pretty good therapy session on Monday of last week. I actually opened up and even cried a little which is a difficult task for me since I was raised to believe that crying was a crime. (Meaning: I was punished for crying at home when I was a child). That's not to say I don't want to cry cause I do but I can't and I'm not sure if that even makes sense.

Sorry for prattling on, I haven't been on here in pretty much forever, I think its been 2 weeks now. And I just wanted to check in.

Welcome back. Try and take care of yourself. This stuff is hard enough ya know.

This is a place where you can come and go when you need to. If you feel the need to be away for awhile....Ok...

It's done at your pace, your speed, and on your terms....No one is going to push you. Take your time.

Hope that you feel better.