Flashbacks are not uncommon for me but the one I had today was rather scary. In the shopping mall I always take a look at the Christmas trees to dream of a distant future when I will have my own family and sit around the tree, how different from my current family... But today this made me feel like a day when I was still in primary school and I wanted to kill myself because I was severely bullied (some problems with my parents might have been part of the equation, but I was in denial about that). My thoughts seemed so incredibly real, I really wanted to kill myself, I even planned it to next Saturday, this feeling was so strong and I was so certain I should do it I think I would've done it instantly if I had not had a meeting scheduled tomorrow. I blocked everyone in my msn-list to prevent my friends from talking me out of it and sent some of them farewell messages. Fortunately I forgot to block one person and she confronted me with my farewell message. Because I did not want to make her feel bad I decided I should have to kill myself weeks later because otherwise she would feel guilty. During the conversation I then had with her I 'awoke' and was shocked what had happened....

I'm glad I'm still alive and these thoughts are gone now....

The last week I was a bit more anxious than normal, had quite a few milder flashbacks when cleaning my room. I hope they will stay away for a while now....

I am really sorry that this has happen to you. It sounds so horrid.
I often have little things happen to me like that.
Your going to be ok....make sure you speak of this to your "T".....

Geneva

I hope they stay away too. that just sounds too vivid. I'm glad you're still alive also. I have a friend who's suicidal right now and it terrifies me. It will literally break my heart if she goes through with it. Maybe I should tell her that, like your friend did. Your post has given me insight. thank you for sharing your pain. Please take care of yourself.
Morgan

Thanks, I'm really glad my post was of use to you.