Hi:
I'm new here but after having read many posts I think I needed to be here a long time ago! I've had a relationship with a divorced Vietnam Vet for several years. It started out so fun! He constantly complimented me on my spiritedness and we could really talk to each other. After a few months, he started giving me the angry silent treatment for a week at a time. Sometimes it was something I had said and sometimes I couldn't figure out what did it. He would just change in front of my eyes and tell me to get out. I would spend days trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I always managed to find something that might have set him off and I would try to apologize. After a week one of us would make contact. I would try to talk to him about his silence but he would just brush it off like nothing had happened and thus nothing got resolved for me. Then we would have fabulous fun times in between the silence. Gradually, I lost my "spiritedness" and just tried not to say anything that would set him off. I was on eggshells. This had limited success. I started feeling miserable and emotionally weak because I felt trapped. The pain of the breakup was too horrible and I always sought to go back. I was in a downspiral.

After about 2 years, he changed his tune just as I was telling him that I was getting over him. He truly started being nice and said his entire life was devoted to me. My feelings had changed toward him but I felt guilty leaving since he had changed.

In the last few weeks I've been down and haven't been communicating much. He's seen the change and has said "why don't we just call it quits". Yesterday, when I didn’t call him, he sent 3 emails about ending it. He wanted back all the emotions and years we had spent together (guilt–inducing), told me he sent back all my Christmas gifts, and told me I had convinced myself that he was a bad person and it was so sorrowful that I made it end this way (more guilt-inducing). He always knew how to manipulate my emotions! I gathered my strength and emailed back that I want the best for him and wish him happiness. This morning he sends me a military tribute wwwyoutube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1and says "I think you will understand. GONE. "Don't mean nothing." “

I have so been through this before with him! The military tribute and the guilt I feel makes me wonder: Do I tell him I’ve tried to understand and I’m still out here or do I just not respond?

Is his behavior PTSD or is he just a sometimes jerk? He was in the Air Force in Vietnam and was not in combat but he has stories of mortar attacks and running through puddles of blood. He’s getting tested for his disability level and they say he has PTSD but I don’t know if that’s just routine or not.

Sorry for the long post but any insight is appreciated!

I am a vet and can relate to some of that myself Not on a equal level lesser but still some. I have no clue what to say. I divorced. life got better for me. I thought I was the problem . I found out It want not all me , I remarried and was happy again. 7 years with a good women. It was very hard for me to leave my 1st wife. She had issues I did not understand or some I don't know about. we still talk at times but e mail only. She is still not happy. What does this all mean? I still don't know. I say do what is best for me. I did not have kids then. If I had them I would have done anything to keep the marriage together.

Welcome to the forum Snowshine, lovely to have you and I hope you enjoy your time here!