Tact, none of us fit in society. I can't make that lie. I do know that we can work around it. We do in time. It is strange as you now belong to an unspoken group or "club". It will never be easy. Just know you are not alone. What you feel and have seen is sadly not unique. An old friend of mine who confided when he went to Panama doing exercises looked eye to eye with a girl about 9 yo... she was raped and executed. He was ordered not to act and they didn't, matter of fact "it never happened". But she looked him in the eye. She saved them as she did not react to them. I just know they must have a very special place in heaven. I lost all faith for many years but faith helped me heal when I came back. That child will too. And that spirit there resides in many people. Not only him. This fight and spirit is just what you are fighting for.

No, it will not ease the pain. Only time and processing will. We will be here for that.

veiled, you just gave me a new perspective in describing that 9 year old girl. Before, I would only see the horror and sadness and badness in what happened to her. Now I see the angel and spirit inside her in how she saved others by doing what she did. Total 180.

Thank you for that. :) Most of the time I only see the "before," I rarely see the flip side. It is mighty food for thought.

Bailey

tact,
i am new to this site and it has taken me a long time to even find anything like this for what ever reason. at any rate reading your posts has helped me already. i too am military well now prior. i have been searching high and low to find somewhere that i could talk to other vets who have been in my shoes. it is comforting to know that i am not alone. im not sure how this stuff works but i would be more than willing to let you get things off of your chest as i wish to do the same. it is impossible to talk to anyone outside the military it seems for fear of judgment for what i have done. at the same time it is definitely impossible to talk to people who have been there even those of my own unit who fought along side of me for fear that i will be looked at as a lesser man. i dont want something like this to over shadow all of the accomplishments i made as a soldier and as a leader. i dont want my men or family to think any less of me. it has taken me a great deal of time to even admit that i have a problem for this reason.. now that i am in the civilian world it is even worse because i miss it in some strange way and i have no one to relate too. i feel that everyone is against me and that noone really even cares.... anyway im really not ready to just let it all hang out you could say just yet atleast not here but i would love some one to talk to maybe to releave some of the guilt...... if that is what it is.......
carlos

^^^ Tank.

I am sure you have heard this 100 times. This rings true.


From this day to the ending of the world we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.
I will be here to listen anytime you need. There are things that civilians can't grasp. This is now a slam on them at all, they don't understand it. If you need to private message me or email me let me know. This place has helped me alot already. There are some genuine people here.

Tact:

I think this thread could be of some use to you. Reaching out to more than just vets, will help. Please read this. Finding Like Sufferers - A Disturbing Trend

bec

I am a veteran, and I can tell you from experience that whilst speaking with other veterans gives some cause for understanding from one another, it also only enables one anothers habits at the same time. If you want to heal trauma, if you want to learn how to manage PTSD, you must go beyond how you got it and believing that only others who got PTSD the same way can help.... because more often than not, they don't help at all, they just enable one another.