I am losing it now. I am so upset I cant even think right now. I cant go into detail because of my stalker (ex) but my son is in serious danger and I cant do anything about it right now. In his fathers hands he will be in danger and I cant do anything untill something actually happens. I dont know what to do because "technically nothing has happend and he has rights to your son" He will return as the shell of the child I knew (once again) and I cant fix that for him. My kids depend on me to protect them and I CANT DO A DAMN THING FOR THEM RIGHT NOW! They are casualties of a war between parents except the father has serious issues with my son. He has no paternal feelings for him at all and has hurt him in the past. I am so scared for him right now I want to throw up. How do I explain to my son when he comes back to me all messed up? The only thing I can do is hope that our other child makes sure his brother is ok. GOD I FEEL SO HELPLESS RIGHT NOW! This is killing me.

I am so sorry you feel this way...
I really feel like you need to call the cops...like now...even if he has done "nothing"...it's enough that you worried!

Please get help...and let everyone know whats happening!

Does he have full custody or just visitation? I think you can ask a social worker to have his visitations supervised.

I'm not sure what your situation is, but please try not to let your child know how scared you are, because that will do further damage. I know it's easier said than done because I'm working on trying not to project fear onto my daughter.

Also, try to calm down. Maybe take a hot bath, meditate or what ever works for you.

Peace
Tammy

It's grueling to know a child is in the hands of an irresponsible adult. When I was a nanny for a child who came back from weekends with her mother looking ill and stressed, her father and I kept the environment as peaceful and restful as we could. She knew she was in a safe, warm, and calm environment that was managed by responsible adults. I even let her take Monday off of school after particularly bad weekends to give her time and space to unwind. We would relax together when she felt sociable.

We never said a bad word about her mother, and didn't ask questions. We did document everything she had to say about her weekend when she wasn't looking.

Eventually, the state stopped her mother's visitations, and took away her other two children. We didn't make that happen, though the child blamed us. She was quite upset that she couldn't see her mother, even though the visits were often traumatic. For the children, it might hurt either way. We can't fix that, we can only give them as much safety and security as is ours to give.

It was hard to feel undone while she was at her mother's, so we had to work hard not to let ourselves be worn down. SPITE worked for us. Letting her mother make us sick was giving the predator exactly what she wanted, and it made it harder to give the child the emotionally secure environment she needed. So we learned to look at those visitation times as a time to rest and strengthen ourselves so we could be strong and calm for the child that desperately needed that.

It was hard NOT to feel undone...