As the title suggests, we had another scare with Evie. A couple of days back, she came down with a mild case of pneumonia. She has very severe asthma also, which makes this quite tricky. She was being treated for it, however late last night she informed me the medication was not helping her to breathe much better. She had a violent coughing fit and was literally gasping for air, so we rushed her into emergency. Once there, they attempted to stabilize her however she soon went into respiratory arrest and had to be intibated. They got her breathing again immediately however for about 30 minutes they were worried she might go into cardiac arrest, due to the massive strain on her heart. It was most distressing.

It took the hospital staff 8 hours to stabilize her to the point where she could breathe without assistance. We have brought her home again, thanks to the lack of beds in our suffering health care system. She is stable but heavily medicated. It was a very tense night. I burst into tears as soon as I arrived home, which is not something I normally do. I will likely not be as active on the forum now for at least a day, Jim and I both require rest from being up all night, and we are keeping a close eye on Evie.

I originally posted this in Private Carers, however then I realized that is not fair as perhaps her friends who are not carers would like to know how she is doing as well. Additionally, I have a question for the sufferers.

Since returning home from hospital, Evie rested peacefully for a couple of hours, however she was then awakened due to coughing. The coughing is nothing serious. However Evie has worked herself into such a state over it. She feels she has ruined our trip; she is catastrophizing thinking the trip is going to be cancelled and Christmas will be ruined all because of her. This is untrue, the doctor informed us she will be able to travel regardless of this.

I realize this is anxiety on her part, however, she has been crying over it, quite intensely. Crying irritates her lungs and will make her situation worse. Therefore Jim and I have been discouraging her, literally telling her to stop the crying as it hurts her lungs. She can cry again in a couple of days when her lungs have had a rest. She has listened and stopped crying for the most part. However my question is, are we being unreasonable to ask her to not cry? We are only concerned that she not make herself more ill, however it sounds odd to tell her not to cry, as it is also an emotional release for how she is feeling.

Oh my Kathy. I cannot answer your questions however my thoughts are with you even more so. Poor Evie and how difficult it must be for you and Jim. Please take care.

Kathy, there is a big difference between being told not to cry because you don't have the "right" to have feelings and between being told not to because it's putting you in physical risk.

You have clearly stated it will be fine in a few days. You have simply tried to get her to delay it.. not stop it as she would probably end up in the hospital again.

My suggestion. Ensure you stress that you simply need her to delay her tears for now and that it's okay for how she is feeling. Push that it will physically cause harm at the moment. I would also recommend trying to get her involved in helping with some aspect of the trip to help her feel that it's a reality.

I do hope she is feeling better. And thanks for sharing with us.

bec

Oh my goodness....I just had a chat with Evie last night and I knew she was sick but what happened after....that is awful. I am so sorry to hear what you all went through....that is awful that they intubated her and then sent her home due to a lack of beds.....healthcare....uugghh....

I think that asking Evie to not cry is a good thing as you don't want the strain on her lungs and heart...you are not being unreasonable ......you just want her to be safe and that is ok...if Evie is able to do this then it is even better and it will help her. Give her positive encourragement (as I am sure you are already doing) Kathy and Jim......You just love her and want her to be well. You are not doing anything wrong. She is lucky to have you!

I hope things settle down soon and she becomes well enough to travel...the warm weather help her too. Please take care.....all of you.

Kathy,

I have been where Evie is right now - having my carer ask me not to cry for the sake of my lungs in order to keep me from another trip to the ER, hospitalization for lungs' sake, etc. From our perspective, it is probably as difficult as you are already aware it is. The intense need to cry and the frustration that doing so puts us at more risk. But as my godmother states, the lungs trump the emotions. At this point, breathing has to be the priority above all else including PTSD. Deep down and maybe even on the surface we understand that and I know Evie is sensible enough to understand it. It just is kind of a double whammy because even if I wasn't going to cry, being asked not to was emotionally painful but definitely worth it trying to keep out of the hospital and breathe. I am thinking of you all and praying for quick relief for Evie's lungs and spirit.

Grace

Well, I am glad that everything is now all ok once again. The crying..... I see it personally as treating a symptom, which can be done IMHO. Evie needs to be speaking about the cause though and working herself around this negative thinking style of catastrophically thinking. I agree with you though Kathy, in the cause is the holidays and the trip.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am very happy to know everyone agrees it is all right to tell her not to cry. Truthfully we knew it was, the doctor warned us against her crying, shouting, laughing - anything that puts a strain on the lungs. However I was feeling a bit guilty about it all the same. Bec your explanation of the difference was most helpful and of course you are right. Anthony, we are slowly talking things through with her, unfortunately she gets only so far, then wants to cry, so we stop. We are encouraging her to sleep. She has been quite good about controlling her crying though, that is a relief.

That's awful. It must of been so scary for all of you.
I agree with Bec, there's a difference in being told not to cry because the carer can't 'bear it' and not crying because of her physical health. I think you are being completely reasonable.
Maybe to get some of the feelings out she could try journalling, get it all out, and only re-read it in a couple of days when she can cry if she so feels?

I hope that Evie is feeling a bit better now. Hopefully her crying is behind her for now too. But if she is still having trouble, let her know that I said that I'm sure she can push the tears back just a few more days until her lungs are stronger since she got thru what she has got thru in the first place. If she wasn't strong enough to ward off a few tears, she would never have been able to achieve what she has.

Does Evie mediatate, that may help right now too.