Hello everyone. My name is Glenda, I am 46 and 2 years ago lost my eldest daughter by suicide. That set the wheels in motion for a lifelong struggle with one trauma after another to be compacted, that my brain errupted like a volcano.

I have been treated since my daughter passed away with depression, but this didn't feel right to me, there was something about it that seemed alien. Yesterday, I was discussing how I felt with a friend of mine who happens to be a physc and she said you are 100 percent PTSD - just look at all your have been through - the penny dropped - and I started reading and here I am.

Originally, I am from Sydney Australia, but have lived in Canada for 4 years, being so far from home can have it's stresses, but being back home in Sydney has more for me - which will all unfold as I post here.

I look forward coming to a place where people understand the world this way.

HI Glenda,

Welcome to the forum......Sorry about your loss. It must be hard.

Welcome to the forum Glenda.

Welcome to the forum Glenda....

Hi Glenda and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the help you seek.

Tammy

Thanks guys. I have found reading these forums so helpful.

To expand a little my daughters passing bought back memories of a few incidents that I swept so deeply that the recollections then seemed fresh.

When I was a wild teenager I was waiting for a boyfriend and was alone with his flat mate - I remember his name and exactly what he looked like. I was sitting down and he pulled a gun on me - it was real and it was loaded - he showed me the bullets - he had it stuck in my face and said that he was going to kill me - I remember the smell and taste in my mouth, I was about 13.5 at the time, so I didn't compute the reality of what had happened. This was the first of 3 incidents which I never dealt with.

I self medicated throughout my life (until about 9 years ago) with booze, drugs and food, but for all appearances was a fine upstanding citizen, but never quite connected with what I should have been doing as a mother and wife.

I have since stripped away all the old habits, but the worst mental collapse was with my daughters suicide and the circumstances around it.

Again, thanks for listening

Welcome Glenda and sorry for your loss. Keep writing...

Hi and welcome Glenda

Hi and welcome Glenda. Like you, I was told for years that I have depression, and it just didn't seem to fit... there was so much more than depressive feelings. All the nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusions etc.etc. But recognising it is PTSD is the first huge step... the next is to educate yourself, get support, and start the process with learning to deal with this stuff.

I hope you find it useful here as many have.

Welcome to the forum.

bec